Please Remove The Rum From The Bum

I am working at a Bottle-O (liquor store) with a high amount of theft. I am on registers for the day, and we can view the security footage from the computer next to our register.

A dodgy-looking guy comes in and heads straight for the spirits at the back. Since I’m on registers, I can’t follow him, so I watch him on camera and surprise, surprise, he shoves a bottle of Bundaberg down his pants. I called on the loudspeaker:

Me: “Attention all customers – can the man who just put a bottle of rum down his pants please put it back and leave the store? You are on camera.”

He puts it back, but as he passes me at registers, he tells me in a wounded, angry voice:

Thief: “That was a dirty trick!”

Me: “What the f***, mate? You’re trying to steal from me but I’m the dirty one?”

Thief: “Yeah! It was mean!” *Storms out.*

I had to go back and find the specific bottle so I could give it a good clean.