Please Press Option 2 To Continue Fighting

My company has an insanely generous return policy: no time limit on returns, no receipts necessary, you can return any item for any reason. I get that most customers don’t expect returns to be so easy, and I often deal with bewildered customers who were geared up to fight with a rep about returning something, but this one was special.

Me: “[Company], this is [My Name].”

Caller: *Loud and aggressively* “Someone messed up my order, and I don’t know who it was over there, but you need to look at it and fix it.”

Me: “Yes, certainly, and what’s the order information?”

Caller: *Gives it to me* “And if you look at line two, there’s an item on there that I did not — I repeat, I did not order. I asked some questions about it, and you can listen back to your recorded line, but I ultimately decided not to go with it, but here it is, and I don’t want it, and you need to pick it up from me because it’s your fault.”

My best guess is that the rep added the item to his order thinking he was going to order it and then just forgot to remove it when he changed his mind. Our mistake, so, of course, we’ll correct it, but even if it was his fault, we would’ve taken it back anyway with no questions asked.

Me: “Absolutely. I’m sorry for our error there. Should I send the return label to [his email address]?”

Caller: “Yeah, that’s my email address. I’m not trying to pull a fast one on you! I didn’t authorize this purchase!”

Me: “No, of course not. This was clearly our fault, and we’ll issue a full refund for you. You’ll see the return label in your inbox shortly.”

Caller: “You should listen back to the recording! You can clearly hear when I say that I changed my mind! I don’t know what that lady was trying to pull sending it to me anyway!”

Me: “We made a mistake, and for that, I sincerely apologize. I have the refund already in the works for you, and you’ll get the label to send the item back to us shortly.”

Caller: *Still aggressively* “I don’t understand.” *Suddenly pauses* “That’s it?”

Me: “Yes, that’s it. Sorry for the hassle.”

Caller: “Oh.” *Moment of silence* “I’m still not done being upset!” *Hangs up*