Please Don’t Feed The Customers

(I work on a dinner cruise. As I’m eating a handful of Goldfish crackers and I see a man yelling at me from the gangway.)

Customer: “Hey! Hey you!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What’s that you’re eating?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Are you eating NUTS?”

Me: “No, they’re Goldfish.”

Customer: “Oh okay. Can I have some?”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Customer: “Yea, I want some. I’m so hungry!”

Me: “There is food on the boat, sir. Just wait until you get on.”

Customer: “No, but I want what you’re eating–those nuts!”

Me: “Sir, it’s 11:00 at night, I’m working until 5:00 AM, and I’ve been here since 4:30 this afternoon. I have not eaten and will not eat for a while. So no, you cannot have my six Goldfish, as they are MINE.”

Customer: “That’s f***ed up. I can’t have some of that food in your hand?”

Me: “No, no you can’t!”