Please Don’t Call (Me) Shirley

(I answer phones for a mobile boat repair service. Business is going so well we add a second line. Apparently the person who owned the line before us, I will call him Mr. Williams, never paid his bills and we are getting collection calls for him continually. Usually the collection companies are understanding and stop calling… except one.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I am looking for Mr. Williams.”

Me: “Sir, I recognize your voice. I have told you three times every day for at least three weeks, there is no one employed by that name here and I do not know anyone by that name. Please stop calling us.”

Caller: “Listen, we just want to talk to him. Let him know we called.”

Me: “I can’t give someone I don’t know your message.”

(This goes on for over a month. Finally, I change tactics.)

Caller: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. Williams?”

Me: “There is no one here by that name.”

Caller: “Can I leave a message for him?”

Me: “Sure, if I can leave a message for Shirley.”

Caller: “Who is Shirley?”

Me: “Well, I figure if you want me to take messages for someone I don’t know then you can take messages for someone you don’t know.”

Caller: “I don’t—”

Me: *interrupting* “—tell that tramp that she better stay away from my man and—”

(Caller hung up. Every time he called and started asking for Mr. Williams I started in on some weird message for a random person . Every time he tried to say something I started with another message for someone. He finally got the message and stopped calling after only three days of this.)