Please Address All Complaints To Mother Nature

(I work in a cute little cafe that has a patio. Because it is spring, we’ve opened all the doors and rolled up the garage-style doors around the patio. I have two female tourists show up and sit on the patio. It’s not that hot out — to me, a local — but they are fanning themselves and splashing water on their necks. I’m wearing a long-sleeved shirt and jeans.)

Me: “Ladies, is everything okay?”

Lady #1: “Is it always so hot here?”

Me: “Oh, it’s about 82 today. It’s just spring here.”

Lady #2: “This is just spring?!“

Me: “Yes, ma’am. This is pretty normal for April. It gets over a hundred in the summer! Can I offer you more ice water or some iced tea? That might help cool you down a bit.”

Lady #1: “You should really do something about this heat!”

Me: “Would you like some gelato? We make it in house. It’s nice and cold!”

Lady #2: “I expect it for free! We could get heat stroke.”

Me: “All I can offer for free is ice water. The gelato is only $3, though!”

Lady #2: “You should offer it for free. This heat is unbearable.”

Lady #1: “You really should do something about it!”

Me: “I can offer you a seat inside, but the windows and doors are open, so there isn’t that much of a difference in temperature.”

Lady #1: “You should have better customer service! You are letting two customers be miserable!”

Me: “I’m sorry you are uncomfortable. The coffee shop across the street has air conditioning if—“

Lady #1: “So you are just sending me away?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I was just offering a suggestion.”

Lady #2: “Unbelievable! We are going to leave!”

(And they did. And they went right to the coffee shop across the street that I’d suggested. I’m not sure what I was supposed to do. Turn down the weather?)