Play Stupid Games, Win Toasty Prizes

I work in a toxicology lab where we administer drug tests. A guy trying to be smart got a buddy to “donate” a sample for him. He strapped the bag containing the sample to his inner thigh and had a tube leading up to his pants zipper so that while he was observed “providing” the sample, he could mime the act.

He was even smart enough to know that we test temperature to confirm the sample recently exited a human body, so he put a hand warmer packet inside. The problem was that he broke the little disk in the hand warmer too soon, or maybe accidentally — I didn’t get a chance to ask.

As he was sitting in the waiting area, he started fidgeting, squirming, and tugging at his pants, and he finally jumped up, practically tearing his pants off to yank the bag off his thigh, screaming from pain. The hand warmer had ended up pressed against his skin, and it gave him a not-insignificant burn.

Go to that much trouble to try and beat a drug test? He was on something.

Related:
Play Stupid Games… Get Your A** Kicked, Part 2
Play Stupid Games, Win Zero Prizes
Play Stupid Games… Get Your A** Kicked
Play Stupid Games, Others Win Terrible Prizes