Planning For A Wedding Can Be A Tram-Wreck

, , , | Romantic | May 29, 2018

(My girlfriend and I decide to get married. Since we want to avoid unpleasant surprises, we want to have a prenuptial agreement — which in the Netherlands also covers property agreements during your marriage — and testaments, for which we have to visit a solicitor in a different town. We don’t have a car, so for the first meeting, I leave work early and take the train back to our hometown, where I meet my fiancée at the station and we take a bus to the other town. There, we are supposed to take a tram.)

Fiancée: “We must take tram three in the direction of The Hague, at platform two.”

(Unfortunately, we don’t see any signs with the platform numbers. I do, however, see a sign saying that on the nearest platform, tram three will come in. The direction is also right, so we wait for the tram and when it arrives, we get in. But after a few stops, I notice something is off.)

Me: “Wait… Are we going the right way? The names of the stops don’t end up.”

Fiancée: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Look, we are going out of [Town]. I think we’re going the wrong way!”

Passenger: “Where do you need to go?”

Fiancée: “[Town]’s station.”

Passenger: “This tram is going to The Hague.”

Fiancée: “Oh, dear, that’s all wrong!”

(We get out at the first stop. It turns out that tram three makes two stops at the station, since it makes a circle through the town before leaving for The Hague. But since we couldn’t tell the platforms from each other, we took the wrong one. We take the first tram back. Another passenger tries to help out.)

Passenger #2: “If you get out at the next stop, you can go to the platforms on the higher level and take tram five. That’s quicker.”

(This turns out to make matters worse for us, since we have to hurry and don’t know which platform upstairs is the right one. In the end, we miss this tram and have to wait for ten minutes, while it’s cold and rainy. My fiancée feels terrible from all the stress and is nearly crying. Finally, we get the right tram and manage to get to the solicitor’s office. We have notified them that we would be a bit late, and they do not mind. Finally, we take the bus back to our hometown.)

Me: “You know what the most given ticket in [Solicitor’s Town] is?”

Fiancée: “No?”

Me: “Excessive speed. Everyone wants to get out.”

(Months later, we have to go visit the solicitor again to sign our prenuptial agreement and testaments. Over the last months, we have left our small apartment and moved to a bigger house in a different village. Obviously we are delighted that we can get to the solicitor all by train now. No more trams! Instead, we take a train to a nearby town, and then we can board a regional train, which goes in the direction of The Hague and makes a stop at the station in [Solicitor’s Town]. When in the latter train, once again I notice something is off.)

Me: “Wait, I don’t see any stops on the screen. Is this the right train? I already thought it left a bit early.”

Fiancée: “You mean…”

Me: “I think we accidentally boarded the InterCity. This train won’t stop at [Town], only at The Hague!”

(After arriving in The Hague, we have to make a run to catch a train that will stop at our station. Again, we arrive a bit late at the solicitor’s office, but once again they are nice and polite and everything ends on a happy note. We leave the office and go back to our house.)

Fiancée: “I think [Town] is cursed.”

(At our wedding, I can’t resist making a joke about our trouble when giving a speech about how much I admire all the effort my fiancée — now wife — has done for the wedding:)

Me: “She even ventured out with me, two times, in order to visit the Accursed City! The Town That Does Not Live! Where ugly, tall buildings rise up around you and close you in. Where zombie-like troglodytes stumble around in the streets, mindless, joyless. I am, of course, talking about… [Solicitor’s Town]!’

(It was the best laugh we got during the speech.)

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