Those Who Plan To Drink, Drink To Plan

(My friend is having a stressful finals week and can’t sleep, so, at three in the morning, she decides to go out to the center court and plan her classes for next year.)

Friend: *focused on the journal she is writing in*

Campus Security: *in a tone that suggests he’s just caught her sneaking into a building with a ski mask on* “Hey! What are you doing here?!”

Friend: *looking around* “Uh, planning my classes?”

Campus Security: “Right. And exactly how much have you had to drink tonight?”

Friend: *bewildered* “None? I’m literally sitting here planning my classes for next semester. You know, being proactive about my education?”

Campus Security: “Sooo, you aren’t doing this because you’re drunk?”

Friend: “That would be correct.”

Campus Security: *sheepishly backs away* “Right, er… stay safe.”

(Good job, campus security. 10/10 busting skills!)