Plainly You Are Wrong

(I order cheeseburgers with only cheese on them, or “plain.” Since I’ve occasionally run into confusion over using “plain,” I sometimes say, “only cheese.”)

Me: “Could I get a cheeseburger with only cheese on it?”

Waiter: “Sure.”

(He later brings me a cheeseburger on a closed bun with the regular cheeseburger toppings, sauces, and cheese.)

Me: “Sorry, this isn’t what I ordered.”

Waiter: “What? What did you want?”

(I explain that I only want a burger patty with cheese on top of it and a bun.)

Waiter: “Sir, you ordered wrong. You should have asked for a ‘plain cheeseburger.’ People won’t understand you if you don’t use ‘plain.’”

Me: “…”

(This is literally the only time in years of ordering cheeseburgers that “only cheese” didn’t mean “plain.”)