Pirates Of The Caribbean: Curse Of The Blue Bag

I am a patrol police officer. I am with my partner patrolling a busy party street on Halloween, so it’s pretty crazy. So far, despite a couple of people drinking way too much, most people have been in a good mood and wearing amazing costumes, but we’re always on the lookout for things to get ugly.

A drunk and loud Marge Simpson comes running up to us.

Marge Simpson: “Help! I’ve been mugged!”

Me: “Are you injured, ma’am?”

Marge Simpson: “No! But I’ve been mugged! Follow me!”

She frantically runs down the road, and we quickly follow. She approaches the outside of a bar, where a bunch of people are smoking.

Marge Simpson: “There! They stole my bag!”

She is pointing to a literal group of pirates.

Me: “Which one, ma’am?”

Marge Simpson: “Jack Sparrow!”

There are about four reasonable impersonations of Jack Sparrow among the group, but thankfully, one of them walks up to us.

Jack Sparrow: “We told you, lady, we don’t have your d*** bag! Someone else must have taken it!”

Me: “What does your bag look like, ma’am?”

Marge Simpson: “It’s an expensive blue leather bag! It’s Gucci! Gucci!“

Just then, Jack Sparrow and I see the same thing at the same time and lock eyes.

Jack Sparrow: “Your bag is in your hair, you stupid woman!”

Marge Simpson: “What?!”

Me: “There is a bag fitting your description… uh… currently positioned securely inside your wig.”

She reaches above her head and grabs the bag, and her eyes widen with shock. She then turns around and starts screeching at a group of costumed women.

Marge Simpson: “Which one of you b****es put my bag in my hair?!”

She storms off and I am left standing there with Jack Sparrow.

Me: “Has she been bothering you tonight?”

Jack Sparrow: “A little, nothing too bad. She just saw a bunch of pirates and assumed.”

Me: “Well… you take care, then.”

Jack Sparrow: “This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.”

Gotta love Halloween!