PINK IS SUS! OUT THE AIRLOCK WITH YOU!

My daughters are vegan, and when they were still living at home, they’d occasionally request a certain vegan food that my usual grocery store didn’t stock. I knew of a specialty store that did stock that kind of thing, so that’s where I’d go.

This store was fairly large and carried a lot of different items, so most of its customers would go there for a complete grocery run. Not me — I was a “get in, go to the back of the store, buy [item], and get out” person. I did this pretty much every Friday.

One Friday, I did my usual visit. I was greeted by an employee who asked if she could help me find anything. I told her, “No, thanks,” did my go-to-the-back-of-the-store routine, found what I wanted, paid for it, and left.

The following Friday, I did the same thing. This time, two employees greeted me — one as I entered the store, and the other beside the item that I’d come to purchase. I didn’t think anything of it. I bought my item and left.

The following Friday, same thing — and, I couldn’t help but notice, the second employee seemed to be hovering around me as I picked up my item.

Same thing the following Friday, and the one after that. I eventually mentioned this odd behaviour to a friend of mine who, unlike me, used to work retail. She began to laugh.

Friend: “They think you’re stealing.”

Me: “What?! Why?”

Friend: “Because unlike the other customers, who browse up and down each aisle and do a lot of shopping, you always make a beeline for the back of the store and then leave with only one thing. They think you’ve been pocketing something while they’re not looking, and they’ve decided to keep an eye on you so that they can catch you in the act.”

I gestured at my parka — bright neon pink — which I had worn on every Friday trip.

Me: “But you can see this thing from space! If I was going to steal, wouldn’t I wear something less eye-catching?”

Friend: *Shrugging* “Some crooks are really dumb.”

Great. So, not only did the store employees think I was a thief, they thought I was a STUPID thief!