Pilfering Penguins Proves Perilous For Perpetrators
- Penguin: A flightless aquatic bird, or a chocolate bar sold in packs in the UK.
- Peddle: Slang term for “sell”.
- Pensioner: A person old enough to be getting a pension, slang for “old person”.
- Pinching: Slang term for “stealing”.
- Pillock: Slang term for “idiot”.
It was a particularly pleasant day in the place where we peddle provisions, and I was placing products in the provided places. A male pensioner proceeded to prod my person and provide his peeve; his preferred pleasurable provision of packs of Penguins was not provided.
After he pootled past, we proceeded to pursue the peculiarities of the pensioner’s predicament.
Our probe into the non-present Penguins placed pinching as providing the predicament of Penguins’ non-presence.
We persevered with our probe into the non-present packs of Penguins and placed the pillock pensioner pinching the precious Penguins!
When the pilfering perpetrator next presented his person to purloin packs of Penguins, we pursued the pillock and persuaded him to pay for his pinched packs of Penguins or his particulars would be passed to the police for prosecution.
(An old guy complains that we don’t have his favourite pack of chocolate bars. On checking stock levels and CCTV as to why we’re out of stock, it’s because he’s stealing them. On his next visit, he’s asked to pay for them or the police will be involved.)
