Pies And Sisters And Soccer, Oh My

(Usually, on Friday and Saturday nights, my parents fall asleep on the couch until I decide to go to bed and wake them up.)

Me: *shakes mum* “Goodnight. I’m going to bed now.”

Mum: “Do you… want… a pie?”

Me: “No, I’m going to bed.”

Mum: “But you put an order through.”

Me: “I’m going to bed.”

Mum: “Have a pie… Eat your order.”

Me: “I’m not hungry for orders.”

Mum: “What week is it? Have you eaten your order?”

Me: “What are you talking about?”

Mum: “Hurry up and eat the order… You’re going to be late for school!”

Me: “Mum, it’s almost midnight! School isn’t for two more days!”

Mum: “Midnight! Why d… didn’t you fall… wake?” *snores*

Me: “Mum, wake up. I’m going to bed now.”

Mum: “You have… soccer tomorrow… Go to break… fast.”

Me: “I don’t play soccer.”

Mum: “Wake your sister up!”

Me: “I don’t have a sister…”

Me: *turns TV on and turns up volume*

Mum: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Go to bed! What time is it? Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Me: “I’m not hungry for orders. And I don’t play soccer or have a sister. Mum? Are you leading a double life?”

Mum: “What?”