Picked At The Peaks Of Flavor

(I work as a server at a vegan cafe when a girl in her twenties walks in.)

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a coffee to start. One sugar, two cream.”

Me: “Sorry, we actually don’t have cream, but we use soy milk.”

Customer: “Uh, what? Soy milk? Like beans? You put beans in your coffee? That’s gross. Who would put beans in their coffee?”

Me: “Actually, it’s pretty good, and coffee is actually made of coffee beans, right?”

Customer: “Haha, could you imagine that? That would be soooo gross!”

Me: “Well, you could think of coffee beans like seeds, too. But anyway, is soy milk okay in your coffee?”

Customer: “Seeds?! Haha, imagine that! No, it’s just rich dirt.”

Me: “Uh, what’s ‘rich dirt’?’

Customer: “Coffee, duh! You know… the brown powder that they dig from mountains!”