Ph.Duh, Part 3

(An older professor calls for help with his campus webmail. He is trying to open an email by checking the box. I show him how to click the subject instead. Lo and behold, the email opens.)

Professor: “Well, that worked. But that’s extremely poor design, you know. How was I supposed to know to click the words?”

Me: “Well, I’m glad we could help you figure it out.”

Professor: “This is ridiculous. Not a single other email works like that! This is the only one I’ve ever seen where you have to click the words, not the checkbox.”

Me: “Actually, sir, that’s standard design for webmail. But now that you’re able to open your email—”

Professor: “I use [email provider] at home and it doesn’t work like this! How come yours is different from [email provider]?”

Me: “I’m not familiar with [email provider]’s webmail, so I’m afraid I can’t answer your question.”

Professor: “You’re trying to tell me that EVERY other email is just like yours, and I’m telling you it’s NOT TRUE.”

Me: “I’m sorry that I can’t explain the differences between our webmail and [email provider]’s. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Professor: “Yes, you can GO DIE!”

(He hangs up on me, and my boss, who overheard the conversation, is livid. She contacts the professor’s department chair to report him for harassing me, and the chair sent back his deepest apologies and assured us he would reprimand the professor. Justice!)