Peppa Pig Says, “Suck My D**k”

I am babysitting my two-year-old niece one morning while her parents are at work. While we’re sitting there, watching cartoons, my phone rings with a number I don’t recognize, but it says it’s local. I rarely answer the phone for numbers I don’t recognize, but as I’ve been putting out a lot of job applications lately, I decide to risk it.

I answer and am greeted with a robot saying that I’m being contacted about my tremendous credit card debt, and how legal action is being prepared against me. They ask if I would like to talk to a collections officer about it. I select to talk to a real person and get a man on the line.

I proceed to ask him to remove my number from his list, because I don’t have a credit card, and I have never had a credit card.

He responds with “Hey, how about you come down here, and I’ll give you $20 to suck my d**k?”

I freeze up in a case of “Is this really happening?” and stare at my phone. After a moment, I finally manage to come up with a response of “Only if you suck mine first, sweetie.”

Never had someone hang up so fast in my life. I went back to watching Peppa Pig with my niece.