People Have To Die Before You Feel Ashamed

(I am an OB-GYN doctor, and I am very close with a nurse who started working here at the same time I did. I am six months pregnant, and she is five months, but we both look about the same. I’m planning on transferring to a GP practice whilst she is going to be a stay-at-home mum. I’m leaning against a counter and the nurse is standing on the other side of it. We’re discussing our plans when the mother of one of my patients walks up.)

Woman: “It’s so nice to hear that some women still want a traditional family. I can’t imagine not putting your children first.”

Nurse: “Well, I think it’s more about what works for the family. Most women put their babies first in that way.”

Woman: “I know, but not even being engaged? That’s only an indicator of a lack of commitment on the parts of both parents.”

(She inclines her head slightly in the direction of my ringless hand.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t think my private life is any of your concern.”

Woman: “It is when you’re not being a good role model for others in your position.”

Me: “Well, I wasn’t exactly planning on my boyfriend dying, but there you go.”

(My boyfriend died of an aneurysm when I was fourteen weeks pregnant. It was sudden, but I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t lose the baby, too. The woman at least has the decency to look ashamed.)

Woman: “Well, I’m very sorry to hear that.”

(My main reason for sharing this is to say please don’t judge pregnant women. I’ve had teenage girls pregnant due to assault, women who are forced to give up their babies because they can’t find work, among a huge number of other situations. Please don’t try to make everyone you meet conform to your worldview.)