Pennsylvania Doesn’t Want Him

(I work at a large car rental company. Part of our duty is to pick up customers from body shops when their personal vehicles are in for repairs due to car accidents, etc. About a half hour before closing time, I go to pick up this ray of sunshine. He is a pretentious, middle-aged man who has just dropped off his Porsche for repairs. I greet him as usual, and the entire conversation that follows is nothing less than unbearable.)

Customer: *overly dramatic* “GOD! This is just terrible. I can’t believe this is happening to me, all because some idiot rear-ended me. I mean, the weather is getting colder and now, I won’t even have another chance to cruise around with my top down before the season is over. Ugh!”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is unfortunate. Talk about bad timing!”

Customer: “Ugh, like you would understand.”

Me: “Okay…”

(We arrive back at the rental office. I go through the usual spiel: will anyone else be driving, etc. I get to the part where I need to ask if he will be traveling out of the state at all. Our location is no more than 20 minutes from the Pennsylvania border, so it’s common for many customers to not even think to mention if they’re going over the state line, as many people work or travel there on a regular basis. This particular guy isn’t so casual or understanding about it.)

Me: “And will you be traveling out of state at all, sir?”

Customer: “No, of course not!”

Me: “All right, we just need to check with everyone. So, no out of state traveling, not even over the bridge to Pennsylvania, or anything?”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to go over to Pennsylvania to meet my friend for lunch on Sunday, just like I always do, GAH!” *like I’m the idiot*

Me: “Very well, sir.”

Customer: “How much slower could this be?! I mean, really, I’m already so inconvenienced; I mean, come on!“

(I put him in a minivan, just out of spite. He was less than thrilled. I was laughing inside.)