Paws For Concern
I was working at a call centre, in customer service, and sales for a TV service provider. Adult pay-per-views are listed on the bills as just “pay per view”, not the title, so people often call in to ask for more details. Saying the names with a straight face is a bit of a competition between me and my coworkers; it’s always fun to watch people try to remain professional.
So, when I get a call, listen for a moment and say, “Sure, I can look up those pay-per-view charges for you”, I can feel everyone around me shift to watch.
Me: “It looks like [Adult Movie #1] and [Adult Movie #2] were ordered on [date] around 3 PM. The first one was only watched for a few minutes, and then the second one was ordered.”
At this point, I’m smiling at my coworkers, mock-bowing as they laugh at the titles I read off. I think that will be the hard part.
Customer: “That’s not possible! The only one at home at that time was my cat! She wouldn’t order anything like that. She’s a lady.”
All she hears in response is silence, because I have quickly hit my mute button to stop her from hearing my laughter and am trying desperately to compose myself.
Customer: “Hello?”
Me: *Composed again.* “I’m sorry, I must have hit mute by mistake. I was saying that it would be very difficult for a cat to order pay-per-view. You have to navigate to the channel selection screen, select the one you want, agree to the terms, and then agree to pay multiple times.”
Customer: “Well, maybe not most cats, but my cat is very smart.”
I barely manage to stay composed this time. I don’t need to mute. My coworkers, who can only hear half of the conversation, now at least have some context and are listening in as much as they can between their own calls.
Me: “If you’d like, I could tell you how to put a password on the pay-per-views, so that this won’t happen again.”
Customer: “Oh, I’m no good with technology. Maybe I’ll ask my grandson to set it up when he comes to check on my cat tomorrow.”
Me: *Sensing a familiar trend.* “Would your grandson have checked on the cat on [date movies were ordered]?”
Customer: “Oh, yes, he’s such a good boy, he stops by after school every day so [Cat] doesn’t get lonely.”
Me: “Is it possible he was curious and ordered the movies?”
Customer: “Oh no, he’s a good boy!”
I ended up refunding the pay-per-views, but left some notes on her account and told her she wouldn’t get a refund if it happened again. She maintained that neither the cat nor the grandson would do such a thing, but didn’t seem at all concerned by the implication that if it wasn’t them, someone else had been in her house.
