Don’t Drink And Do Rugs

(My best friend is having a New Year’s Party. Another friend who works as a bartender has gotten me pretty drunk at this point and I’m now lying on the living room carpet when my best friend’s sister walks by.)

Me: “You guys have a really fuzzy carpet!”

Friend’s Sister: “Are you okay?”

Bartender Friend: *still in the kitchen mixing drinks and also drunk at this point* “On a scale of one to ten he’s tampon!”