Parking Nightmare Averted

In England, many areas allow you to park on the pavement, but wheelchairs and pushchairs need about a meter to get past, so not being a selfish jerk helps everyone. Unfortunately, there are many people in life who think their minor inconvenience is more far more important than a major inconvenience on anyone else.

I’m walking back from the shops. Irritatingly, there are cars parked everywhere — on paths, blocking crossings, in junctions making it hard to see, etc. — all despite there being a half-full car park literally a few feet away.

I make my way carefully past the cars with my shopping bags until I reach a car parked diagonally. I squeeze through, having to hug the wall as I do.

Apparently, this upsets the owner of the car

Owner: “What are you doing?”

Me: “What does it look like?”

Owner: “You hit my car!”

Even if I did, I was holding a sharing pack of crisps, so it’s not like it was possible to damage the car with it.

Me: “You know what? Tough. You park like an idiot, this is on you. Don’t like it, don’t park like an a**hole.”

This riles him up and he jumps out the car, slams the door, and rushes up to me. He only seems to realise that he is built like a bean pole when he is stood next to me.

Me: “Get back in your car, idiot.”

He thought for a moment, but he then slunk back to his car. I notice he still parks there but at least not like a complete fool now.