Parked On That Decision

(One day I’m sitting in a parked car outside a supermarket, writing up the mileage/petrol expenses. Out of nowhere a car drives straight into the back of me! BANG! Glad I was wearing my brown trousers that day, I step out the car only to be confronted by an old lady.)

Lady: “You crashed into me!”

Me: “I was parked.”

Lady: “You reversed into me.”

Me: “No… I was parked. You have driven into me!”

Lady: “You reversed your car into me!”

Me: *sternly* “I. Was. Parked. I need your details, please.”

Lady: “You reversed into me! I want your details!”

Me: “Madam–”

Lady: “DETAILS, NOW! YOU REVERSED INTO ME!”

Me: “I… was… pa–”

(The lady waves dismissively and turns to get back in her car. I write down her license plate number before she drives off, and go into the store to report the incident.)

Me: *to security* “A woman just backed into me while I was parked. She tried to say I reversed into her. Then she drove off, but I’ve got license plate number. Can you check if you have it on camera?”

Security: “Sure. Where were you parked?” *gives location* “Yeah, that should be covered. Have you called the police?”

Me: “Not yet.”

Security: “Okay, give me two ticks and I’ll drop them a call. Would you mind waiting here?”

Me: “Not at all!”

(Security closes off their console and goes into the locked control room. About two minutes later, the old lady who ran into me wanders up to the security console.)

Lady: “Is the security here? I need to report a mad man! It was terrible! I was sitting in my car and he just smashed right into me! He got out and he was so rude! He tried to blame me for smashing into him! He was such a horrible person! He threatened me and then he just ran off!”

Me: *after a pregnant pause* “That was… How terrible!” *walks away to avoid actually decking her square in the face*

(Thankfully one of the cameras caught it and the police dealt with it pretty swiftly. In the footage you could see her driving along and turning as if to enter a parking spot, only to discover there was a car parked there already. She later changed her story to, “she didn’t see me parked there.” Some people shouldn’t be allowed near a car, let alone given a license.)