Parenting Can Be Taxing

I was behind a woman and her son at a store waiting to pay. The son had a game in his hand he was clearly eager to buy, and looked to be somewhere between ten and eleven years old.

Son: “You get money for buying things on your card, right?”

Mom: “Yes.”

Son: “How much?”

Mom: “Depends on what I buy, gas and groceries get more back.”

Son: “For regular stuff like games.”

Mom: “I get one percent of it as rewards, but because I’m a preferred customer with their bank, I get, I think, another half a percent more when I cash it in, so effectively 1.5%. Why?”

Son: “I’m buying the game, but you’re using your card, so you’re making money from my game, right?”

Mom: *Sounding amused.* “Yeah, why? Don’t you think your beloved mother earned seventy-five cents’ worth of pay for driving you here to get a game?”

The son gave a sort of non-committal sound to this. It looked like the mom had clearly caught on to his point, and he was planning to make it, but he’s too afraid to bring it up now.

The mom’s tone of voice from here on out is clearly teasing.

Mom: “But you’re right, it’s your money and you should get every cent of it. So, tell you what, you give me the three dollars more I’m going to have to pay for sales tax, and I’ll give you the seventy-five cents I get from my card. That seems fair, right?”

Son: “But I don’t have any more money.”

Mom: “Oh well. We can come back next week to get the game once you’ve earned your allowance.”

Son: “If you get it now, I can pay you the rest next week.”

Mom: *Clearly enjoying herself now.* “Sure, that seems reasonable. Let’s see… I believe 10% interest is very reasonable for an unsecured loan like this; better than what my card would charge me for sure. That’s compounded continuously, of course, so I might need a calculator to figure out what that comes out to—”

Son: “—Mom!”

Mom: “Oh, relax. I’ll pay for it now, and you won’t owe me anything for the taxes as long as I get to keep those three quarters from the credit card company.”

Son: “Thanks!”

Mom: “You’re welcome. Nice try with the cash back, though. Maybe don’t rock the boat until you stand to earn at least a dollar next time, mi amor.”