Only Six-And-A-Half Inches From Crazytown

| AB, Canada | Right | July 21, 2015

(I work at a popular store, and it’s during the Christmas rush. I see an older gentleman looking around in the pants section.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you? Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “Actually. I’m looking for a pair of jeans.”

Me: “Well you have come to the right place! We have lots of jeans in a wide range of colors. And if we don’t have what you need, we can order it!”

Customer: “Well, I don’t really care about the color. But I need them to have a good zipper.”

Me: “Okay, well our zippers are made to top quality standards. We have a 100% satisfaction guarantee, so if it does break, you can bring it back.”

Customer: “Well, I need the zipper to be exactly 6 1/2  inches long. Any longer or shorter, they just won’t do.

(Seeing as this is kind of unusual, and our jeans don’t come with the zipper length mentioned on either the tag or anywhere else, I am unsure what to say.)

Me: “…Um, okay. Well, I can go and grab a measuring tape if you would like.”

Customer: “Would you? Because I have looked everywhere and no one seems to carry them.”

(A minute later I return with the measuring tape and we start measuring zipper lengths. But all of them are either too short or too long for his liking.)

Customer: “Well, at least we can order them in.”

Me: “We can order the same jeans we have here, but the zipper lengths won’t change.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you people just leave a note saying that it’s very important that I have a 6 1/2 inch zipper?”

Me: “I could, but seeing as it’s the busiest season of the year, they may not be able to check all the zippers to find you one that suits your needs. And seeing as we don’t have a 6 1/2 inch zipper here, I doubt they will either.”

Customer: “So basically you lied to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry we didn’t have what you were looking for, but you are looking for something very exact.”

Customer: “So you are saying this is my fault that you b****** don’t have what I am looking for?!”

Me: “Once again I’m—”

Customer: “No! Save it for all the other people you aren’t going to help. You can expect to hear from me in the future!”

(He yells as he storms out of the store. We never did hear from that customer. Maybe he just learned to zip his mouth.)

O, Canaduh, Part 5

| Manchester, England, UK | Right | July 21, 2015

Me: “Good Afternoon, you’re speaking to [My Name]. Can I take your reference number, please?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling from Toronto.”

Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve seen [alarm product that we don’t stock] being advertised and I want to know if you could sell me one?”

Me: “I can look into it for you. Are you looking to install this into a property in the UK?”

Customer: “No, of course not! I told you I’m in Toronto. Why ever would you think that?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you have called a company based in the UK, so the systems we sell are set to UK settings.”

Customer: “Well, I know that.”

Me: “So, then you’d be aware that even if we did sell you a system, it wouldn’t work in your property?”

Customer: “Of course it would! We’re a part of the British Commonwealth!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it definitely wouldn’t work, as it needs connection to a power outlet, and the outlets in Canada are different to the ones here in Britain. Also, even if we were to look into selling you a system, regulations state we need to get a trained engineer to install it for you, and none of our engineers would be able travel to Canada from the UK to install it.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “I’d recommend contacting a supplier in Toronto.”

Customer: “You’ve just lost thousands of dollars!” *slams phone down*

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 4
O, Canaduh, Part 3
O, Canaduh, Part 2

Complaining About A Lack Of Complaint

, | OH, USA | Right | July 21, 2015

Coworker: “Uh-oh, she’s here.”

(One of our regulars has pulled into the drive-thru. This woman is from the rich part of town, and is notoriously difficult.)

Me: “I’m on it.”

(I begin preparing her regular: a small mocha, with four large creams, more hot chocolate than coffee, no whipped cream, and splenda on the side. She also orders a wheat bagel, triple toasted, with double butter. Yes, the whole order is disgusting. The customer places her order and pulls around.)

Coworker: *opening window* “That’ll be $4.55.”

Customer: “Fine. I hope you did it right this time. Last time it was completely disgusting. I don’t know who you have in there, but they have no idea what they’re doing.”

Coworker: “Don’t worry; we have our best employee on it. She always gets it right.”

(This is stretching it, because no one ever gets it right for this woman. She’s one of those people who isn’t happy unless she can send something back. I hand over the food and drink to my coworker. He slips the splenda into a bag with extra napkins and a stir stick and hands everything out to her. When he holds the drink to her, she refuses to touch it.)

Coworker: “Your drink, ma’am?”

Customer: “Excuse me? I’m not touching it like that. I want it double cupped and with a sleeve. I’m not burning my hand.”

(Somehow, my coworker manages to keep a straight face, despite the fact that her drink is cool to the touch because she ordered her SMALL drink with THREE LARGE creams. I silently hand him an extra cup and sleeve, both of which are new additions to her regular order.)

Coworker: “Here you go! I’m sorry about that! Have a nice day!”

(He closes the window and helps start on the next order. We’re all feeling anxious as we watch the timer tick up as the woman roots through her order, refusing to drive away until she’s checked everything. She opens the bag with the splenda and the begins rapping on the window.)

Coworker: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: *screaming* “I ONLY WANTED TWO SPLENDA!”

(She throws the extra splenda and the napkins at him through the window. We’re all stunned. She then sits there and pours the TWO splenda packets into her drink, mixes it, and slowly sips it.)

Customer: “UGH. This is disgusting.”

Coworker: “We can remake it for you, if you want—”

Customer: “No, I think you’ve wasted enough of my time!”

(She peels off. In total, she sat at our drive-thru window for five minutes during our rush. She, of course, came back everyday for her “disgusting” drink.)

Not Quite Feeling This Request

, | Madison, WI, USA | Right | July 21, 2015

(An artistic, elaborately dressed woman wanders in and is standing by the paint samples in a melodramatic stance. I wander over.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: *gives me a withering look and says* “I’m looking for Bittersweet.”

Me: “That doesn’t sound like one of our colors, but I can look it up in the database and see if we can match it.”

Customer: “No… I’m looking for a color that invokes the feeling of bittersweet.”

(I stand dumbfounded for a second.)

Me: “So… is that like an orange or something?”

Not Sue-ted To Parenting

| Pasco, WA, USA | Right | July 20, 2015

(I’m in my check-stand when I see a customer’s child is standing on the cart’s seat.)

Me: “Sir, you really shouldn’t have your child standing on the seat.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because he could fall and injure himself.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I can just sue you guys if he falls.”

(The customer then proceeded to shop with the child standing on the seat. Luckily the child didn’t fall.)

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