A Customer’s Behavior Can Cut You In Half

| WV, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

(I work as a weekday team member at a home improvement store, mostly in the lumber yard. I am already having a rough day, and a customer asks me if I could cut her a piece of plywood, but our wood cutter is currently out of service. Her pleasant demeanor instantly turns sour.)

Customer: “The fact that your saw is broken is unacceptable! My mother is sitting outside in her vehicle, and she just had open-heart surgery! I don’t have time for this!”

Me: “I’m very sorry that our saw is broken, ma’am, but I could call the store across town for you and see if their saw is functioning—”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to go to the other store! I spent $20 in gas just to f****** get here!”

Me: “Yet again, I do apologize for the inconvenience—”

(The customer obviously does not hear me, and continues shouting.)

Customer: “F*** you! I want my wood cut! I’ll break it in half myself if I have to!”

(At this point, the customer is so angry, I am afraid she will try to physically harm me. Two managers on duty overhear the ordeal and walk over.)

Manager #1: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as our associate has already told you, our saw is currently out of service, and is due to be replaced shortly. If you would like, we might have a circular saw in the back that we could use to cut it for you—”

Customer: “This is f****** crazy! I don’t understand why you can’t fix the saw! My mother is still out in the vehicle, and I don’t have time for your bulls***!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t mind waiting here, I could go get the saw for you and cut it.”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me?! I’ve been in the store for over two hours, and you expect me to wait while you go f*** around, and probably not even come back!?”

(After more rambling, she finally agrees to wait. She then says she is going to go outside and ‘cool off.’ After I retrieve the circular saw, I then go outside to look for the customer. I find her in her car, with her feet up on the steering wheel, smoking a cigarette alongside her mother, who, for having ‘open-heart surgery’, is smoking as well. Customer recognizes me and then shoos me away, and I go back inside. After 25 minutes or so, the customer finally comes back inside, and this time, her ‘recovering’ mother has come in to do some paint shopping.)

Customer: “Is anyone going to f****** help me, or am I going to have to start shooting people to get attention?”

Manager #2: “Excuse me, ma’am, is that really necessary? Our associate went looking for you, and it has been over half an hour.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but I am ready to cut this wood for you, as soon as you tell me the lengths you want.”

Customer: “I want you to cut it the f*** in half!”

Me: “Would you like me to rip it for you, or cut it in 4×4 sections?”

Customer: “Go ahead and f****** rip it. And stop wasting my time!”

(I proceed to rip the plywood into two foot by eight foot sections, but as it turns out, this was wrong. At this point, the two managers have left me to deal with this customer, because they felt that I had the situation under control.)

Customer: “You f****** dips***! Why did you cut my wood like that?!”

Me: “Ma’am, you told me to rip it—”

Customer: “No, I said in HALF!”

Me: “What did you mean, 4×4 sections?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s what I f****** said the first time!”

(Managers have overheard this as well, and came back over to assist.)

Manager #1: “Ma’am, we would be happy to get you a new piece of wood, but if you would have clarified exactly what you wanted, we stock wood in the dimensions you wanted, and you would have been out of here two hours ago.”

Customer: “I don’t give a s***! I just want my wood cut!”

(Thoroughly annoyed and ready to snap, I reluctantly retrieve a new piece of wood, and agree to re-cut it for her.)

Customer: “About f****** time! Thank you for wasting my life!”

Me: “Gladly.”

(Because of the violent nature of this customer, and because of her threats, the managers finally sent her out of the store, with her precious wood- for free. We didn’t want to give her any excuse to come back and we were thankful nothing else happened! Because of this whole ordeal, the managers allowed me to sit in the break room for a few minutes to cool off. Hopefully, that is the first AND last time I receive a death threat in the workplace.)

Girl Scout Tout

| USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

(As a Girl Scout, we have no control over the price of Girl Scout cookies. They have gone up to $4 for around two years now.)

Me: “Would you like to buy any Girl Scout cookies?”

Lady: “Yes, I love Girl Scout cookies! How much are they?”

Me: “They are $4 a box, ma’am.”

Lady: “YOU’RE LYING TO ME! MY DAUGHTER USED TO SELL THEM FOR $3.50!”

Me: “Ma’am, they have been $4 now for around two years. That is the price and we have no control over it.”

Lady: “You are just trying to make some extra cash! My daughter used to charge 50 cents extra all the time! Now give me the real price!”

Me: “That was against the rules, and we have never done that! If you refuse to pay the full price, we cannot sell cookies to you!”

Lady: “FINE! Do you take checks?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do! What would you like?”

Lady: “I want two boxes of cookies! NOW!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That will be $8.”

(She gives us a check, takes the cookies, and walks away. As I look at the check I notice it is only for $7! I run after the lady.)

Me: “Excuse me! We need another dollar!”

Lady: “F*** you! You are just cheating me!”

(She backs up in her car, almost hits me, and throws a dollar out the window! Then she races out of the parking lot!)

Bad Parenting Just Hit The Motherlode

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I am 16 years old and working at a local grocery store, collecting carts outside. I notice an man standing next to a van with its door wide open and two young girls inside. The man informs me that one of the girls is having a nosebleed, and I notice a puddle of blood on the ground.)

Me: “Little girl, who are you here with?”

Little Girl: “My mommy is in the store, but she leaves us in the car.”

Me: “I’m going to go inside and look for her. What’s her name?”

Little Girl: “Mommy.”

Me: “Okay, uh, what’s your last name?”

(The girl tells me and I go inside while a coworker goes out to watch the girls. I explain to another coworker at customer service what is going on and she pages the mother.)

Coworker: *over the intercom* “Mrs. [Name], please report to the service desk.”

(We wait for five minutes and no one shows up. My coworker pages again. Five more minutes pass and still nothing. The mother is paged a third time. 20 minutes after that, a HALF HOUR after the first page, a woman uses the self-checkout and then comes up to the desk asking what they want. They inform her of the situation.)

Woman: “That little brat better have not bled on the car. She knows she’s supposed to lean out the window.”

Me: *after a pause in utter disbelief* “Ma’am, you continued shopping while your child could be in need of medical attention?!

Woman: “She does this all the time, but I know it’s just for attention. I’m not gonna miss a sale because of that.”

(She left with my coworker and me staring at each other, open-mouthed with shock. I looked out the front window to see the man who originally noticed the girls yelling at her. Going outside to make sure there wasn’t a fight, we heard him yelling about protective services and writing down her license plate number as the woman jumped into her car and sped away.)

Not A Very Smart Cookie

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer is standing in the store looking at the case of pastries.)

Customer: “What’s a peanut butter cookie?”

Me: “It’s a cookie with peanut butter.”

Customer: “What’s a chocolate chip cookie?”

Me: “It’s a cookie with chocolate chips in it.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The peanut butter cookie has peanut butter and no chocolate chips, and the chocolate chip cookie has chocolate chips and no peanut butter.”

Customer: “I don’t understand the difference.” *deliberates for a few minutes* “I’ll get one of each…”

Questionable Behavior

| Pullman, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, School

(While I am a student I work as a tour guide for prospective students.)

Me: “Now if you have any questions. Feel free to ask me anything that doesn’t violate my fifth amendment rights!”

(A good portion of the groups laugh as expected. The tour continues with me answering the occasional question. A mother of a high-school girl has one.)

Mother: “What are your enrollment numbers?”

Me: “Our undergrad enrollment is [number]. If you count grad students it goes up to [higher number].”

Mother: “Thank you.”

(Several minutes later, this same mother asks another questions.)

Mother: “Where are the dining halls and how many options do they serve?”

Me: “Well, ma’am…”

(I proceed to give her every piece of info I can about meal plans, the dining locations, and even the specific food items. Several more minutes into the tour…)

Mother: “I heard that last year you had a swine flu epidemic and had to shut down the school!”

(At this point I wonder if she is clueless or deliberately trying to get a question I can’t answer.)

Me: “Actually, several students were diagnosed but nowhere near an epidemic.”

Mother: “How do you know? I heard they had to cancel two football games here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I go to every home football game. If they really did cancel a football game then I have no idea what I was watching.”

(Some of the other parents are trying to contain their laughter, and even this woman’s daughter looks embarrassed at her mom)

Mother: “Fine.” *looks around and then points* “WHAT KIND OF BIRD IS THAT!?”

(The rest of the group as this point cannot believe this is happening.)

Me: “If we look at that bird, we can clearly see that’s a magpie, which my friend pointed out to me last week. Now moving on…”

(At this point the mother pulls out a phone as we continue and about two minutes later I hear the daughter.)

Daughter: “See? It was a magpie! Now, will you please stop!?”

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