The Land Of The Free From Thought

| USA | Bigotry, Geography

(I am the manager at a discount department store, and one of our regular customers is a little bit flaky. She often talks to herself, repeating herself over and over.)

Customer: “Where are you from? What country do you come from?”

Me: “I was born in Colorado.”

Customer: “You need to go back to your country at once. America is for Americans.”

Me: “Colorado IS in America.

Customer: “You must go back! You must go back! You must go back!”

(She continues this ad nauseam until she finally leaves. A few weeks later she returns and purchases some items. Her total is $7.60 or so, and one of the coins she hands me is a Canadian quarter. I calmly inspect said quarter, and hand it back.)

Me: “I can’t accept this coin. Here in America, we only accept AMERICAN currency. If you want to spend the Canadian currency, perhaps you should, you know, go back to Canada to do so.”

(I haven’t had a problem with her since.)

Selling Foot In Mouth Disease

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bad Behavior

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some shoes for work and I heard you had comfortable ones.”

Me: “We certainly do. May I ask what your profession is?”

Customer: “Oh I don’t have a profession right now. I just need something I can wear to work in retail until I get a real job.”

Time To Play The Trump Card

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I am at the register at work putting through a sale. The customer’s card has declined twice but instead of getting embarrassed or giving me another card like most people, this guy decides to get angry.)

Customer: “No, I don’t want to use another card!”

Me: “Then how would you like to pay sir? I do accept cash.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Your machine is broken!”

Me: “I assure you it isn’t broken. The person before you paid by card and it went through perfectly.”

Customer: “Then you’re not doing your job!”

Me: *losing the friendly retail face and looking him dead in the eye* “Sir, I’ve worked in retail for 10 years. I have bought goods and services for 15 years. I know how to use an eftpos machine. I cannot be held responsible for your card. Perhaps you should contact your bank on Monday?”

(The customer leaves in a huff after throwing some cash at me.)

Next Person In Line: “Jesus, what was HIS problem? It’s an eftpos machine, not a freakin’ tardis!”

Should Keep Better Account Of Her Account

| SD, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a library that offers computer services to patrons. We get a lot of people who don’t know anything about computers.)

Patron: “Can you help me out? The computer won’t let me check my email.”

Me: “Sure. Let’s see what’s wrong.”

(We walk over to her computer.)

Patron: “Now see, I put in my email address and hit enter and it doesn’t sign me in!”

Me: “Well, first of all, you’re on the Google search engine, not an email site. If you have Gmail, then you click on that little button right there that says ‘Gmail’ and then you can enter your email address and password.”

Patron: “I don’t have Gmail. I have Yahoo!”

Me: “So you’re trying to access your Yahoo email through the Google search bar by typing in your email address and hitting enter?”

Patron: “Yes! It won’t let me on! Fix it!”

Me: “Okay, one second.” *types in Yahoo mail into the address bar* “There. Now put in your email address and password and it will sign you in. You need to be on the Yahoo mail site to access your yahoo mail.”

Patron: “Password? I don’t have a password!”

Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

Taxing Faxing, Part 12

| NH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a small public library with a self-service fax machine. The machine walks you through sending a fax with an automated verbal prompt. A coworker comes to find me at my desk.)

Coworker: “Can you lift the fax machine up?”

Me: “What? Why?”

Coworker: “She got her card stuck in it.”

(Our fax machine does not have a credit card reader. Now confused, I approach the patron.)

Me: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Patron: “My card is stuck in the fax machine.”

Me: “Can you show me where?”

(She points to the paper feed.)

Me: *digging the card from the machine* “How did this happen?”

Patron: “The voice said, ‘put in the card number,’ so I put the card in the machine.”

Me: “Miss, it doesn’t scan the card. It scans the pages you want to fax. You have to manually type the card number using the number keys on the pad.”

(The patron gives me a dumbfounded look.)

Me: *pointing to the numbers* “The numbers on the front of your credit card are the actual account number. That’s how the machine knows to charge your account.”

(Same dumbfounded look.)

Me: *sigh* “Here, let me help you…”

Taxing Faxing, Part 11
Taxing Faxing, Part 10
Taxing Faxing, Part 9
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
Taxing Faxing, Part 7
Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

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