Rotten To The Core

| PA, USA | Right | November 12, 2015

(I’m working as a cashier and doing my best to make cheery small talk with customers. An old man comes through my line.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today, sir?”

Customer: “Terrible!”

Me: “Oh, sorry to hear that, sir.”

Customer: “And how are you?”

Me: “Um, slightly better than terrible, I think.”

Customer: “But you have to work!”

Me: “Yes, but I like my work and it helps pay my student loan bills.”

Customer: “Humph.”

(I finish scanning and bagging his items and print out his receipt.)

Me: “Here you go. I hope your day gets better, sir!”

Customer: “I don’t! I hope it stays ROTTEN!”

Cannot Read Signs

| Right | November 12, 2015

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Suffering From Bad Graphics

| Conway, AR, USA | Right | November 12, 2015

Client: “I need a logo designed for a girl’s camp and would like it to be on fire with a dragon blowing the logo out of his mouth.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s start with the logo and get it designed, then work on the dragon after a logo has been picked. What colors would you like?”

Client: “I don’t know. I will get back to you on that.”

Me: “Okay. I will start some samples and wait on you to tell me what colors you want before I send you any samples.”

Client: “Okay, thanks.”

(Three hours later:)

Client: “Where are my logos? If you don’t have anything ready I will go in another direction.”

Me: “Did you decide on your colors?”

Client: “No.”

Me: “Well, I can not send you a logo to select from if you have not decided on colors, unless you want them in black and white?”

Client: “No, I want them in purple and orange!”

Me: “Ok, I will add those colors and send you five selections of what you described you wanted.”

Client: “Okay.”

(Ten minutes after sending samples:)

Client: “What is this? I want a true designer not clip art pictures! I’m using someone else!”

Me: “Sorry if I misinterpreted what we discussed. What were you expecting?”

Client: “Not fake font and fake flames! I want the real thing, like a photograph, DUH!”

Me: “Sorry… I am not a photographer. Everything I do is drawn on the computer.”

Client: “YES, I KNOW! So draw a photograph of what I want!”

Me: “Sir, I am not drawing you a photograph I agreed to do a logo for $120, not a photograph. If you want a photograph drawn that will be charged by the hour and will take a few days.”

Client: “You are dismissed! I would like to formally fire you. Let me talk to your boss so they will fire you!”

Me: “I own this company so I am the boss.”

Client: “Then you BETTER give me what you promised for what I paid!”

Me: “Sir, you never paid anything. We don’t accept payment until the job is complete.”

Client: “This is ridiculous! I’m going another direction!”

Paperless Transaction

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Right | November 12, 2015

(When I process returns and exchanges, the register still gives me a total. Sometimes I like to have fun with this.)

Me: *processing an exchange* “Okay, that’ll be $0.00, please.”

Customer: *pretends to pull something out of his/her wallet and hands me air*

(It’s nice to know that some of my customers share the same sense of humor as I do.)

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An Artificially Inseminated Refund

| Northwood, OH, USA | Right | November 12, 2015

(I am walking near the customer service area when I overhear a woman trying to return an item. We have a pretty liberal return policy; as long as you have the receipt and the actual item, you get your money back.  Only managers can approve returns, so customer service has called the assistant manager.)

Assistant Manager: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: I want to return this turkey baster here. I’ve got the receipt and everything.”

Assistant Manager: “Certainly, ma’am. I need to fill out this form and you’ll be on your way. What can I put down as the reason for return?”

Customer: “Well, no matter which way I sit, it HURTS!”

Assistant Manager: “…”

(The assistant manager turned bright red, got the customer’s money, and ran back to the break room in sheer embarrassment while the rest of us burst out in hysterical laughter.)

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