A Job Well Done

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’ll have the skirt steak.”

Me: “Okay, and how would you like that cooked?”

Customer: “Medium rare, of course! How else are steaks supposed to be cooked?”

(The chefs at the restaurant are well trained, and the steak comes out perfectly medium rare. I bring it to the customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me! This is raw! Don’t they know how to cook a steak back there?”

Me: Sorry, sir. I’ll send it back and refire it.”

(I bring it back well done.)

Customer: “Thank you! Now that is a FINE steak!”

Acrimonious Acronyms

| Middletown, RI, USA | At The Checkout, Technology

(A customer pulls out his credit card to pay for his purchase. We cashiers have to push a button on the computer before the card reader will work.)

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “Okay, wait for the green light then slide your card through the machine.”

Customer: *slides card before the green light comes on then stares at the machine* “It didn’t work.”

Me: “That’s okay. Just slide your card again now that the green light is on.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. You did say to wait for the green light. I have an acronym for that. FTFD!”

Me: “FTFD?”

Customer: “Follow the f****** directions!”

Time To Call It A Day

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(We have a sign posted on the counter informing customers to hang up their phones before conducting business. Often, they ignore this. A customer comes up, talking on his cellphone. I am not required to address him while he’s on the phone. He talks and talks for minutes, staring at me. Finally…)

Customer: “Hold up, baby.” *to me* “Yo, you gonna help me?”

Me: “Oh, sure, sir. Once you’re finished with your phone call.”

Customer: “I can do both!”

Me: “Sir, perhaps you missed the sign, but we will not conduct business with you while you are in the middle of a personal phone call.”

Customer: “You a rude motherf*****! I wanna talk to your manager!”

(I walk over tell my manager what’s up. The manager comes over and the customer is on his phone AGAIN.)

Customer: “Hold on, baby.” *to manager* “Yeah, this guy was very rude to me and is refusing to help me. He should be fired!”

(My manager looks at him.)

Manager: “Who are you talking to?”

Customer: “My wife.”

Manager: “Can I speak to her?”

Customer: “Why you wanna talk to her?”

Manager: “Well, if I’m going to fire this guy, I need another witness, and since you ignored the sign that explicitly tells you to hang up your phone we have a second witness, and I want to get her account of what happened.”

Customer: “Y’all’s a bunch of ignorant motherf*****s! I hope this motherf***** burns down! You just lost a customer!”

(The customer storms off. An hour later I get a call from another dealership saying a guy came in and was cursing us out. But apparently, he learned to stay off his phone!)

Completely Off His Trolley

| Perth, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am opening the supermarket. A customer drags two locked trolleys over to me from the trolley bays.)

Customer: “I’ve got two trolleys, but I only want one.”

Me: “It’s okay. Just take them back to the bays, put the plug back in, and then put your coin in the first trolley, not the second one.”

(I continue to unlock the bollards blocking the front door and as I take it inside I see the customer is still standing there.)

Me: “I can’t help you here. You need to take it back to the trolley bays.” *gesture to where he’d gotten his trolley*

(The customer just stands there, right in front of the door, where I needed to place the mat.)

Me: “Sir, just take the trolleys back to the trolley return and I’ll help you in a sec. I just need to put the mat down.”

(After several seconds, I give up waiting for him to move and guide him and his trolleys back to the bays, carrying the rolled up mat.)

Me: “Now, just pop the plug back in, take your dollar, and put it in the first trolley.”

Customer: “What plug?”

Me: “The one from the next trolley. It’s on the chain in front of you… The red thing… on the chain… The one you pulled out after you put your coin in…”

(I give up completely. Juggling the mat in one hand, I manage to take the plug, insert it back into the trolley with his coin, take his returned dollar coin out, put it in to the first trolley for him, and remove the plug. I turn back to the door and just as I’m about to roll out the mat he comes over with his trolley and stops, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.)

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Criminal & Illegal, Technology, Underaged

(It’s the weekend after the release of ‘Grand Theft Auto V,’ and demand for it is high. It’s my first call of the day, and quickly I realise it’s an under-18 boy trying to place an order.)

Me: “Good Evening. [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Underage Customer: *squeaking* “Hi there. I’m wondering if it’s possible to order Grand Theft Auto V, please.”

Me: *smiling* “Absolutely. However, I’m required to warn you that an adult over the age of 18 must be present to sign for the delivery of the item, and that adult will be told exactly what’s being delivered before they sign for it. Is that okay?”

Underage Customer: *still squeaking* “F****** d***! F***!” *click*

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

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