Will Need To Take A Different Beirut

| Knoxville TN, USA | Geography, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(It is the late 1990s. A couple walk in. She is obviously Jewish, he not-so-much. As it turns out, he is a Lebanese Druze.)

Female Customer: “We’d like airline tickets flying into Tel Aviv and back from Beirut.”

Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can find.” *types into the computer* “Meanwhile, how will you get from Tel Aviv to Beirut?”

Female Customer: “Oh, we plan to rent a car and drive.”

Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to find a rental car for that.”

Male Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, right now the Israeli-Lebanese border is a war zone.”

Talking Like Crazy (Horse)

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, History

(I work for a store that specializes in items made by different Native American tribes. A teenage girl comes in and starts looking around. She takes a few moments before turning to her friend and saying:)

Customer: “I wish all the Native Americans weren’t dead. It’s sad that they’re all gone.”

(I look over to my coworker, who happens to be Native American. My manager looks at my coworker.)

Manager: *to my coworker* “Why don’t you go introduce yourself?”

(The girl looked like she saw a ghost!)

He’s Just Been KO’d

| Dearborn, MI, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

(I’m shopping at my local major games retailer, where the staff and I have an excellent relationship. I am finishing up my transaction when I hear a 12ish-year-old boy convincing his mother to buy him ‘Call of Duty: Ghosts.’)

Kid: “But Mom, all my friends are playing it! They’re already making fun of me because it took me so long to get a PS4!”

Mom: “Okay, okay… and you’re sure this isn’t a bloody or inappropriate game? I don’t like the look of the soldier on the front. I don’t want you playing anything like that Grand Theft whatever game.”

Kid: “Oh, my god, Mom. I’m not a little baby anymore! Just get me the d*** game!”

(Seeing the looks of apprehension and dread on the faces of the two guys behind the counter, as they now have the unhappy task of explaining to the mother of this brat why she shouldn’t buy it, I step in.)

Me: “Miss, you should know that game is horribly violent and gory. It depicts lots of blood, war scenes, even an enhanced interrogation scene where you slowly kill a man for information. It’s something you’ll want to consider before buying it for your son.”

Mom: “Oh, my gosh! [Kid], is this true?!”

Kid: “No, Mom. He’s lying! He’s just some random fat guy!”

(At this little insult, I decide to really ruin the kids day.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you familiar with the MPAA’s movie rating system? Like how they rate movies based on their content? Well there’s a similar body called the ESRB, and they rate all major video game releases for their content.”

(I show her their emblem on the back along with the description for their rating.)

Me: “They even have a website where you can look up more specific details on each game. It’s a good way to research them.”

Mom: “Oh, wow… Thank you so much. Can I trouble you to recommend a game for him?”

(At this point, the kid is jumping up and down in frustration, making a scene, yelling at his mother, and calling me a liar. We choose a game and the mom questions the staff.)

Mom: “I’m in here all the time. Why have you never told me about this rating system?! That’s pretty irresponsible not to inform the parents.”

Employee #1: “Honestly, ma’am, we didn’t know you were buying it for a kid. We would’ve mentioned it if we knew.”

Mom: “Of course I bought it for my child! Honestly, what sort of adult plays these stupid games?”

Employee #2: “Me, my associate, the gentleman who helped you, and everyone who works at this store, to name a few.”

(The mom goes red and pays for the game.)

Mom: *on their way out* “When we get home, young man, I’m looking up all your games on this ESRB thing!”

Kid: “NO! DON’T LISTEN TO HIM! HE’S JUST A F****** FAT A**!”

All That Glitters Is Not Gold

| Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Customer: “Excuse me, what are these earrings?”

Me: “Those are an amethyst stone set in rose gold.”

Customer: “Rose gold? What is that, some cheap, fake gold? Gold is expensive!”

Me: “No, no, it is gold. Gold comes in different hues – like white gold, classic yellow gold, and rose gold.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s too cheap to be pure gold.”

Me: “Well, gold has to be set as an alloy. It is too soft to be in pure elemental form, so they use another metal to keep it solid.”

Customer: “What other metal is it? That’s too expensive if it’s not gold.”

Me: “It’s set over sterling silver.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, never mind then…”

Deaf To Reason, Part 3

| OH, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Wild & Unruly

(I’m mute, but learned sign language as a way to communicate. Most people assume I’m deaf, and I usually don’t need to correct them. However, some people use this assumption to make comments. I’m at the mall.)

Customer: “Miss, do you know where [Store] is?”

Me: *signs that I only speak sign language*

Customer: “Stupid deaf people. Shouldn’t be allowed the same place as us normal people! You ungrateful s*** had better stay the f*** away from me!”

(I tear up a bit, but then the security officer, who understands sign language, comes over.)

Security Officer: “Ma’am, please stop harassing her.”

Customer: “What?! I did no such thing! I only asked her for directions! And, she’s deaf! How could she know?!”

Security Officer: “She’s not deaf, ma’am. She heard every word. I’d like you to apologize to her.”

Customer: “H***, no! She’s a little b**** who shouldn’t be out with the normal part of society!”

Security Officer: “I’m going to ask you to leave now.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Security Officer: “You’re being disruptive and rude. You need to leave.”

Customer: “She should leave! She’s wasting time and space!”

Security Officer: “She isn’t screaming profanities, harassing others, or even being the least bit loud. I’m going to ask you one more time to leave the property.”

(The customer refuses, and has to be dragged out by two other officers!)

Related:
Deaf To Reason, Part 2
Deaf To Reason

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