Small Fry Looking For The Big Wig

| Nashville, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(A customer wants a blender.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. We are sold out of those blenders.”

Customer: “Well the sign on the shelf says [special price], so I should get this blender for [special price]!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t do that. It’s not the same blender as the ones that were on sale, and we are sold out of the blenders that were on sale.”

Customer: “This is just outrageous! Who can I talk to so that I can file a complaint? What’s your store number? I’m going to report you!”

Manager: *very professional, but now with sharper tone* “Here is the number for our customer service hotline. They’ll be happy to take your call. Our store number is [number].”

Customer: “No, I want to talk to your CEO!”

Manager: “Sir, this is the number that you can call to file complaints.”

Customer: “All right.” *takes number* “Yes, I want to speak with your CEO.”

(The customer walks away, talking on the phone.)

Me: *after a few minutes* “Yeah, my laptop crashed the other day, so I called Bill Gates. That guy knows customer service.”

Setting Daddy’s Little Girl Straight

| New Haven, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m gay and working in a clothing store for teens/young adults. A roughly 15-year-old girl comes into the store. Her dad is sitting on a bench right outside the store in clear view of the check-out counter.)

Girl: “Hey there. Do you offer discounts for pretty girls?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. Unless you have a coupon, your total will be [total].”

Girl: “Maybe you can give me a discount for a different kind of coupon?” *slowly pops open the top buttons of her shirt*

Me: “Oh, honey, you’re gonna need a few more years and a surgery before that’s going to work on me.”

Girl: *scowling* “Are you calling me flat-chested?”

Me: “Different kind of surgery, honey.” *pointing out my rainbow bracelet*

Girl: “Oh, ew!”

(The girl’s dad has managed to storm right up next to his daughter without her noticing. He’s clearly fuming.)

Girl’s Dad: “You better have a good reason for flashing this kid your cleavage, [Girl’s Full Name].”

(He made her put all her clothes back and leave the store in tears.)

Will Try To Tag Themselves In Jail

| TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top, Transportation

(I stop a young, 20-something woman for using her cell while driving in an active school zone.)

Me: “I stopped you, ma’am, for using your phone while driving in a school zone, which is against the law.”

Driver: “I am not calling anyone or texting, so I am not using my phone. I was updating my Facebook status!”

(After citing her, we both pull away from the curb. I then witness her using her cell AGAIN, so I stop her once more.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have already explained and cited you for the very same reason I am pulling you over the second time. I do not want to have to arrest you, so please do not use your phone while driving again.”

Driver: “One more time, officer, I am NOT calling or texting! I am uploading a picture of my citation to Pinterest!”

Great Minds Think Alike

| GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(I am working in a fast food sub shop when a nice regular walks in. Behind in line are a small child and his mother.)

Me: “A cheesesteak sandwich with no onions and a medium drink, [Regular]?”

Regular: “As always.” *pays and leaves*

Small Child: “You knew exactly what that guy wanted! Do you READ MINDS?! Tell me what I want to eat!”

(The mother mouths to me behind her son’s back.)

Me: “You want a… peanut butter and jelly sandwich!”

Small Child: “Well… what kind of jelly do I want?”

(The mother mouths to me again.)

Me: “Hmm… grape!”

Small Child: “Wow, you do read minds! Mommy, she reads minds!”

The Father Of All Bad Examples

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I work at an indoor children’s play place. Leaving with kids who aren’t yours could be a problem, so we stamp a different number on every family’s hand, You can’t leave with a child who has a separate number. I am working the front counter where I have to stamp a number on the family’s hands, work the register, answer the phone, and check family’s hands to let them out the door. Sometimes it’s overwhelming working by yourself.)

Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Indoor Play Area]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to get a birthday party room for my son.”

Me: “Okay, give me the date and I’ll start looking up times for you.”

(As I am looking up times for the caller, an enraged father comes up to me.)

Father: “HEY! WHERE’S MY SON!?”

Me: *caught completely off guard * “What!?”

Father: “WHERE IS MY SON?! YOU LET MY SON WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR! WHERE THE H*** IS MY SON?”

Me: “Sir, the door that you go out of is locked and I have been keeping an eye on this door. I’m sure your son is still in here and is in the the [play area] somewhere.”

Father: “YOU LET MY SON OUT THIS DOOR! IS HE IN THE PARKING LOT? IF HE GETS HIT, I’M KICKING YOU’RE A**! HE GETS HIT, I’M SUING YOU!”

(Some back and forth goes on like this for a minute. I am almost ready to go into the parking lot to find his son when some other father in the [play area], actually playing with his child and keeping an eye on him, speaks up.)

Other Father: “Hey [Father], isn’t this your son?”

(The father looks up and sees his son directly above us in the [play area] watching this whole little episode. He looks back at me, doesn’t say a word, and walks away. I sit there for a few seconds, collecting myself.)

Caller: “Is someone yelling at you?”

Me: “Oh, shoot. Sorry, ma’am. I completely forgot you were still on the phone.”

Caller: “Haha, that’s quite all right. That guy is kind of a d***.”

(I set up the birthday party, and then went on working. I’m closing this night, too, so I have the distinct pleasure of having to check this father’s hand to make sure it’s his son. They finally decide to leave after a while. As they walk up to the door.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but I have to check your hands to make sure this is your son.”

(They show me their numbers and he is, in fact, this boy’s father.)

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

(The father never said a word to me or made eye contact. What a great example of how to be a man he is setting for his son.)

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