Listening Is The Ticket

| NH, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a family amusement park in New Hampshire, where gambling is illegal. We have a fake casino amongst our arcades, but it gives out tickets, not money.)

Guest: “How do I buy these prizes?”

Me: “You have to win tickets from the machine and use them to purchase the prizes.”

Guest: “I can’t just buy them?”

Me: “No, sorry. Game prizes are not for sale.”

(A little later…)

Guest: “I played all these games and I got tickets instead of money! You said I’d get money! Where is my money, you b****?”

Me: “I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication, sir. I said you’d get tickets and that you could use them to get prizes.”

Guest: “Is this a f****** joke?!”

(He threw the tickets in my face, spit on the floor, and stormed out, dragging his very young son after him, who had seen and experienced this whole tantrum.)

Aisle Need A Break After This

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

Patron: “I’d like a seat on an aisle.”

Me: “Unfortunately I have no aisle seats available for this performance. I can do row H in the right section.”

Patron: “Is that on an aisle?”

Me: “No. As I said, I have no aisle seats for this show. If row H doesn’t work, I can give you row O in the center.”

Patron: “Are those on an aisle?”

Me: “No, they are not.”

Patron: “Well, I’ll take the first ones you said.”

Me: “Okay, row H, seats 6 and 8.”

Patron: “And those are on the aisle, right?”

Some Requests Just Take The Cake

| Champaign, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I take a request on a phone call.)

Me: “We can only make small round, large round, and small rectangle cakes, sir. We cannot make large rectangles.”

Caller: “Okay, so is it possible for me to have a cake made by Sunday? Mother’s day?”

Me: “We can have any cake ready for you by Mother’s day. Yes, sir!”

Caller: “Any cake? I thought you just said that you can’t make large rectangles cakes.”

Me: “We can’t, like I just said, sir.”

Customer: “So, let me get this straight. You can make ANY cake except the large rectangle?”

Me: *face-palm*

Good Thing Stupid Isn’t Contagious

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I work in an ObGyn office in lab follow up. I have the unfortunate job of calling patients for positive STD results.)

Me: “Hello, may I speak to [Patient]?”

Patient: “This is her.”

Me: “I’m from Dr. [Name]’s office . Before we proceed, I need to verify I am speaking with the patient. Can you verify this information?”

(The patient proceeds to answer all verifying personal info.)

Me: “I am calling about your test results. Your results for [STD] have come back positive. It is a common infection that can easily be treated by this antibiotic. Is there a pharmacy you would prefer it be called into?”

Patient: “WTF?! YOUR TEST LIES! I know for a fact I can’t have this infection! You guys gave me birth control pills!”

Me: “I understand that this can be a very hard news to hear, but you have tested positive and we need to treat you. When we give you birth control, we make it a point to let you know it will not protect you from STDs.”

Patient: “Oh, I guess I missed that part. Does this mean he gave me diabetes, too?”

Me: “No, diabetes is not sexually transmitted.”

Patient: “I’m going to go see my regular doctor and get tested for it just in case.”

Left Holding The Bag

| QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Theme Of The Month

(Many of our customers bring their own bags for their purchases, so we always ask if they need a bag before we start putting their purchases into one. A customer walks up to the register.)

Customer: “Just these today, please.”

Me: “Sure. This is a popular range! I love it, too. Do you need a bag for these?”

Customer: *sounding annoyed* “No, I said just these! I don’t want anything else!”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I wasn’t trying to sell you anything. I meant something to carry them in: a free bag, or did you bring your own?”

Customer: *sighing and rolling her eyes* “I said nothing else! Just these.”

Me: “Okay, just checking. I thought you’d misheard me. It’s fantastic so many people these days are bringing their own to help save the environment.”

Customer: “Yes…”

Me: “There’s all sorts of ones that fold up so small now; it’s best to ask as they’re often hidden away. My friend has one that folds up into a strawberry key-ring.”

Customer: “Okay…”

(I finish scanning the items and process the payment. The customer stares blankly at me.)

Me: “Um, you did say you wanted to put them in your bag?”

Customer: “I don’t have a bag. Don’t you have one?”

Me: “Sure. Sorry, I thought you said you had one. That’s what I was asking you about when you came up to the register.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry, I wasn’t listening. I suppose you get that a lot…”

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