Great Minds Think Alike

| GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(I am working in a fast food sub shop when a nice regular walks in. Behind in line are a small child and his mother.)

Me: “A cheesesteak sandwich with no onions and a medium drink, [Regular]?”

Regular: “As always.” *pays and leaves*

Small Child: “You knew exactly what that guy wanted! Do you READ MINDS?! Tell me what I want to eat!”

(The mother mouths to me behind her son’s back.)

Me: “You want a… peanut butter and jelly sandwich!”

Small Child: “Well… what kind of jelly do I want?”

(The mother mouths to me again.)

Me: “Hmm… grape!”

Small Child: “Wow, you do read minds! Mommy, she reads minds!”

The Father Of All Bad Examples

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I work at an indoor children’s play place. Leaving with kids who aren’t yours could be a problem, so we stamp a different number on every family’s hand, You can’t leave with a child who has a separate number. I am working the front counter where I have to stamp a number on the family’s hands, work the register, answer the phone, and check family’s hands to let them out the door. Sometimes it’s overwhelming working by yourself.)

Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Indoor Play Area]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to get a birthday party room for my son.”

Me: “Okay, give me the date and I’ll start looking up times for you.”

(As I am looking up times for the caller, an enraged father comes up to me.)

Father: “HEY! WHERE’S MY SON!?”

Me: *caught completely off guard * “What!?”

Father: “WHERE IS MY SON?! YOU LET MY SON WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR! WHERE THE H*** IS MY SON?”

Me: “Sir, the door that you go out of is locked and I have been keeping an eye on this door. I’m sure your son is still in here and is in the the [play area] somewhere.”

Father: “YOU LET MY SON OUT THIS DOOR! IS HE IN THE PARKING LOT? IF HE GETS HIT, I’M KICKING YOU’RE A**! HE GETS HIT, I’M SUING YOU!”

(Some back and forth goes on like this for a minute. I am almost ready to go into the parking lot to find his son when some other father in the [play area], actually playing with his child and keeping an eye on him, speaks up.)

Other Father: “Hey [Father], isn’t this your son?”

(The father looks up and sees his son directly above us in the [play area] watching this whole little episode. He looks back at me, doesn’t say a word, and walks away. I sit there for a few seconds, collecting myself.)

Caller: “Is someone yelling at you?”

Me: “Oh, shoot. Sorry, ma’am. I completely forgot you were still on the phone.”

Caller: “Haha, that’s quite all right. That guy is kind of a d***.”

(I set up the birthday party, and then went on working. I’m closing this night, too, so I have the distinct pleasure of having to check this father’s hand to make sure it’s his son. They finally decide to leave after a while. As they walk up to the door.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but I have to check your hands to make sure this is your son.”

(They show me their numbers and he is, in fact, this boy’s father.)

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

(The father never said a word to me or made eye contact. What a great example of how to be a man he is setting for his son.)

Thoughts Suspended

| CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

(I am in a reserve officer training class at a sheriff’s academy. Enrollment in this class is done through a community college, not the Sheriff’s department. When it is time to do the firearms instruction, you have two choices: you can use your own firearm if it was one of the authorized service pistols, or you can borrow one from the academy. If you borrow one, you need a driver’s license for proof of identity in case something happens to the firearm.)

Student: “Well, I don’t have my license.”

Deputy #1: “Then we can’t loan you the pistol.”

Student: “But I need to do this range stuff to graduate, right?”

Deputy #1: “Yes. That is why we tell people to bring their license if they need to borrow a firearm. We cannot lend you one without it.”

Student: “I can’t bring one in. I don’t have a license right now.”

Deputy #2: “What? I saw you drive up here. What do you mean you don’t have a license now?”

Student: “Well, it was suspended.”

Deputy Sergeant: “Did you just tell us you are driving on a suspended license?”

Student: “Yeah. It sucks.”

(Deputy #1 and #2 share a look.)

Deputy Sergeant: “So which car is yours?”

(The student points it out.)

Deputy Sergeant: “And you drove that here on a suspended license?”

Student: “Yeah. Like I said, it sucks.”

Deputy Sergeant: “Okay, well, let me see what I can do.”

(The deputy sergeant goes to the office, and comes back about 15 minutes later.)

Deputy Sergeant: “When you found out that your license was suspended, did they also inform you that it was for a failure to appear on your drunk driving case and that there was a warrant for your arrest?”

Student: “Uh, let me think… Yeah. There was something like that in the letter.”

Deputy Sergeant: “Well, that warrant is why you are under arrest.”

Student: “What!?”

(The rest of the class was amazed at the idiocy that this guy displayed. His mom came by later to get the car. She was not pleased with her son, and she had no idea he even had a drunk driving incident!)

Knock Your Socks Off

| IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I’m the cashier. The store has a rewards loyalty card. The transaction has been normal up to this point.)

Me: “Do you have a [Store] rewards card?”

Customer #1: “No, I do not! I was fired from this store because I wore the wrong colored socks! So I refuse to get a rewards card.”

(The customer suddenly throws her credit card at me. I’m speechless so I just finish the transaction in stunned silence.)

Me: “Have a good day.”

(Customer #1 huffs out of the store. The customer behind her comes up to the register with a dumbfounded look on his face.)

Customer #2: “I have a feeling wearing the wrong socks wasn’t the reason she was fired.”

Trying To Run A Monkey Business

| IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging, Money, Pets & Animals

(I work at a hotel in a college town. It is quite common to require a two-night minimum purchase when booking a room for a special event weekend such as a football game, graduation, etc.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I was wondering if you had any rooms available for this coming Friday.”

Me: “We do have a few rooms available; however it is a two-night minimum for both Friday and Saturday night.”

Caller: “Okay, I have to ask you the same as the last hotel I called. What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you?”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “What kind of dope-smoking monkey are you? Why would you even think that I would want a room for two nights if the football game is only one day?!”

Me: “We require a two night minimum stay for all special event weekends, ma’am. It’s quite a common policy here.”

Caller: “I don’t care what your policy says. It’s just stupid! You’re just insane!”

Me: “… Okay.”

Caller: “If your two night minimum is so common, then why did the 12 other hotels that I called that were sold-out not say anything about a two night minimum, then. Huh?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, if they are sold out that means they don’t have any more rooms to sell you at their property, so the two night minimum wouldn’t really matter for them because they don’t have anything.”

Caller: “See! You said it doesn’t matter.”

Me: “Our minimum is still in effect for the few remaining rooms we have.”

Caller: “You’re just a brainless monkey!”

Me: “Anything else?”

Caller: “No. Goodbye!” *click*

Me: “And here I thought I was just a desk monkey.”

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