You Steal Here!

| Right | November 20, 2015

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Securing Their Good Behavior

| Lexington, KY, USA | Right | November 20, 2015

(There are two small children of about 10 years old in the store who are being very rowdy. The entire time they’ve been in the store they’ve been screaming, running around, and just being obnoxious. They are being accompanied by, I assume, their mother and grandmother. The grandmother flags me down to ask me a question about an item.)

Grandmother: “Excuse me, sir, can you tell me the price on [Product]? I don’t see a price tag.”

Me: “Oh, looks like one of our sale signs has it covered up. It’s [price].”

Grandmother: “Great! Thank you, sir.”

Me: “You’re welcome, ma’am. Will there be anything else?”

(The grandmother looks at the kids who are still causing a scene. She then looks at me as if to say “Play along with what I’m about to do.”)

Grandmother: “Yes, sir, do you know if that security officer is still here?”

(Both the kids freeze.)

Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t seen him lately. He might be on the other side of the store right now.”

Grandmother: *to the kids* “You hear that? If you two don’t behave this man is going to tell that security officer on you!”

(The kids look back and forth between me and their grandmother like they’re trying to figure out if we’re joking.)

Me: *pointing to one of the security cameras* “Well, if he’s not on the floor he can still see you through our cameras.”

Mother: “Oh, yeah, there it is right there. See, kids? That officer is watching you!”

(At this point, the little boy immediately calms down but the girl still isn’t sure. Finally, I think the girl’s fear overrides her judgment.)

Girl: *on the verge of tears* “But I don’t wanna go to jail!”

Mother: “Well, you two better start behaving then.”

(The little girl hung her head and went to stand next to their cart. The grandmother mouthed the words “Thank you” to me and they moved along. I didn’t hear a peep from those kids the rest of the time they were in the store. And for the record, no, we don’t have a store security officer.)

I Have Twenty-Twenty Vision

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Right | November 20, 2015

(I ring up a customer for two lemonades that are on sale at 2 for $5.)

Me: “All right, sir, your total is $5.39.”

Customer: *hands me a $50 bill*

Me: *checks its authenticity then puts it through and gets out his change* “All right, sir, your change is 61 cents and here’s twenty, forty, and four ones.”

(I ALWAYS count customer change back to them, especially when it is a large amount. The cashier behind me needs an override for a void, so I scan my supervisor card and turn back to him.)

Customer: “Excuse me; you only gave me $25. See, one of the twenties is actually a one.”

(I look at his hand and see a one where I definitely put a twenty before. I know he is trying to con me, so I put up my closed sign and ask the lady who was next to please go to the next cashier, who has no customers. I then page my coworker over and ask her to bring out the mobile money counter to count my till.)

Customer: “I’m not magician! Look, it’s not here!” *rolls up his sleeves*

Me: “Okay, sir, I just need to have my drawer counted first.”

Customer: “Well, how long is this going to take? Ten minutes?”

Me: “No, sir, only a minute or two.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going next door! I’ll be back for my twenty after you count that drawer!”

(Guess what? He never came back. And my till was spot on.)

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Common Sense Takes A Holiday

| FL, USA | Right | November 20, 2015

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bank]; how may I direct your call?”

Elderly Customer: “So today is not a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we are open.”

Elderly Customer: “Well, I tried to call my doctor’s office and they aren’t answering. Are you sure it’s not a holiday?”

Me:“Yes, ma’am, I am positive that it is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “I was wondering why you would be answering the phone if it was a holiday.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you today is not a holiday.”

Elderly Customer: “Is Monday a holiday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, there are no bank holidays at all this month.”

Elderly Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Elderly Customer: “Why won’t my doctor answer the phone?”

I Memorize Every Price

| Right | November 19, 2015

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