Don’t Assume You Nose Everything

| Bozeman, MT, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(I have allergies and early spring usually leaves me snuffling and sneezing. Even most meds don’t work well unless they knock me out, which means I can’t take them before work.)

Customer: “So are you into coke? Because your nose is stuffy.”

Me: *staring in shock*

Customer: “Well, I didn’t mean to be rude!”

Me: “No, it’s allergies. Here are your room keys.”

(I guess stuffy nose equals illegal drugs.)

Take A Swipe At Reading

| Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The card reader in my store is a little different, in that it asks you to select credit or debit before you swipe. It is much more intuitive than most, and the machine gives very explicit instructions, but it still trips people up. The following happens at least 10 times a day.)

Me: “Your total is [total]. Go ahead and select credit or debit on the screen first, and then swipe.”

Customer: “Credit.” *swipes card*

Me: “You’ll need to hit the credit button first, and then you can swipe.”

Customer: *swipes card*

Me: “Ma’am, if you’re using credit, you’ll need to hit the blue button on the screen. After you do that, you can swipe your card.”

Customer: *hits button on screen*

(Screen now reads, in large letters, PLEASE SWIPE CARD.)

Customer: *stares blankly at screen*

Me: “Ma’am… swipe your card now.”

Customer: *swipes card* “Why is it asking for a PIN? This doesn’t have a PIN, it’s a credit card! Why doesn’t your machine work?!”

Me: “It’s asking for a PIN, because you hit the green debit button instead of the blue credit button. Hit CANCEL, and we can start this again…”

You Shall Not Pass(word)

, | MB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’m not getting my emails on my phone.”

Me: “Okay, your email isn’t syncing because you haven’t typed your password in.”

Customer: “What’s my password?!”

Me: “I don’t know sir; it would be whatever you originally chose for a password.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t remember. Why don’t you know it?!”

Me: “That would negate the purpose of a password, sir. You don’t WANT me to know your password. Your email accounts have nothing to do with [Company].”

Customer: “AND YOU CALL YOURSELF CUSTOMER SERVICE?!” *storms out*

A Bark As Bad As The Bite

| France | Bad Behavior, Top

(It’s a very busy week in our shop. My colleague and I are running to keep up. A customer enters the shop, and we both salute him politely. The customer mumbles something and snaps his fingers at my colleague. She manages to smile at him as she answers:)

Colleague: “I will be with your shortly, sir. Just a minute, please!”

(The customer huffs again and turns to me. This time, he doesn’t just snap his fingers, he whistles as you would call a dog before pointing at the ground in front of him. My answer? I bark at him before smiling sweetly.)

Me: “Sir, if you treat us like dogs, be ready to be answered by b****es. Please leave.”

(All the other customers applauded when he left!)

Doesn’t Get The French Connection

| BC, Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words

(This takes place in western Canada. French and English are both official languages in Canada, but sometimes people forget that, apparently. My coworker is from Montreal and has a strong French accent, though his English is excellent. A customer decides to give him trouble because he doesn’t speak English as a first language.)

Customer: “What the f***? You f***ers need to learn English before you come here! We only speak English in Canada!”

Coworker: “Sir, I was born in Canada. I’m from Montreal. French is my first language, but I assure you I’m fluent in English.”

Me: “Sir, I’m bilingual, too, because French is one of Canada’s official languages. If you’re going to be in Canada, why on Earth don’t you learn French?”

(He grabbed his coffee and stomped off.)

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