Please Keep Customer Interaction To A Condominimum

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(We have a regular that comes in at least once every two weeks. He really enjoys talking to me, and for the first year of him coming in I don’t mind talking to him, even though he holds me in random conversations for 20 minutes at a time. On this particular day, I am discussing with him my upcoming internship abroad in Ireland, and this is the conversation that follows. Note that he is a man in his 60s, and I am an early 20s young woman.)

Me: “Yeah, my grandma is supposedly already setting me up with an Irish guy over there.”

Regular: “Well, you want to be careful. You know, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you still have so many things you want to do, and you don’t want to get tied down to anything, so you should take some condoms with you.”

Me: *speechless*

(Fast forward a couple months. It is one week before I leave for Ireland, and the regular comes back in.)

Regular: “So when’s your last day?”

Me: “My last day is tomorrow, but I leave next week.”

Regular: “Okay, hold on.”

(He goes outside. Meanwhile, my coworkers are teasing me about the regular. They know about the conversation with the condoms. The regular then comes back in.)

Regular: *hands me a piece of paper* “This is my number. Text me when you get back. I’d like to hear all about it. Bye!”

(He leaves.)

Coworker: “Picking up guests, [My Name]?”


Coworker: “Maybe you should put him in your phone as ‘Condom.'”

(I leave for Ireland, spend the summer there, and the experience is wonderful. I get back and reclaim my job at the theater. One evening I’m in concessions, cupping jalapenos. The regular has seen me on a previous shift, but wasn’t too creepy then.)

Coworker #2: “Hey, this was left for you at the box, and I have no idea what it means. No one does.”

(I read it. It is a note asking if I wanted to go to a White Tara Experience at the local Buddhist center, on such a date at such a time. At the bottom of the note read, “Let me know if you want to go. Here’s my number, give me a call. [Regular].”)

Well That Throws A Spanner In The Wax

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I work customer service for a retail store. We sell individual candles and you can grab them by a box. However, the box’s bar code is only for one candle not for four.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these items.”

(She pulls out a candle box with four candles and hands me her receipt. I begin to look it over.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re returning all four candles?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Well it looks like you were originally only charged for one candle.”

Customer: “It could be on a different receipt.”

(I find this odd since if she grabbed the box then she probably bought the four candles together.)

Me: “I can try looking it up by the credit card you used.”

(She hands me the credit card over and I run it through and find that she had only been charged for one candle.)

Me: “Well, you really were charged for only one candle.”

Customer: “Oh! I’ll just keep these then.”

Me: “Ma’am, now that I know that you didn’t pay for the other three, if you leave the store you would be stealing them.”

(She ended up returning the one she wanted, too, and had to pay for the three candles she didn’t originally pay for!)

Full Of Coffee And Appreciation

| PA, USA | Awesome Customers

(I’m manning the coffee area during the morning ‘coffee rush’, which means I’m basically making pot after pot after pot of coffee nonstop for about three hours. About halfway through, a nicely-dressed woman comes up to the counter. I smile at her and turn away to get yet another pot started.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Yes? How are you?”

Customer: *smiles* “I appreciate you.”

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Yes, for always having the coffee filled!”

Me: “Thank you!”

(Thank you, Customer. It’s nice to be appreciated!)

Listed Under Idiot

| Newcastle, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

Me: *waiting for answer on phone* “Hello. Can I speak to [Name], please?”

Woman: “Sorry, I don’t know anyone called [Name].”

Me: “Is that [Company]?”

Woman: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Oh, I must have dialled a wrong number. I’m sorry to have troubled you.” *hangs up*

Me: *while checking the number I need, my phone rings* “Hello, [Company]. How can I help you?”

Angry Man: “Who is this?”

Me: “This is [Company] and I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Angry Man: “Where did you get this number?”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir, but you just rang us.”

Angry Man: “No, I didn’t. You rang me!”

Me: *thinks he may have been on hold from another department* “Oh, well if you tell me who you were talking to I’ll try and connect you.”

Angry Man: “I don’t want to talk to anybody. I want to know how you got this number!”

Me: “Um, well can you tell me who you are and I’ll have a look?”

Angry Man: “I’m not telling you my name!”

Me: *realizes* “Is this the number I rang before?”

Angry Man: “Yes! I used callback to find who you are and I demand to know where you got this number!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t have your number. I was trying to call someone else and made a mistake.”

Angry man: “You’re lying. You can’t dial my number! Tell me where you got it!”

Me: “I don’t understand. If I can’t dial your number how did I dial it?”

Angry man: “That’s what I want to know!”

Me: “Does your phone not receive calls?”

Angry man: “Of course it does!”

Me: “Then how couldn’t I dial it?”

Angry Man: “It’s NOT LISTED!”

Me: “Ah, I see. That doesn’t mean I can’t dial it. It just means it’s not in the phone book.”

Angry Man: “Exactly. You’re not allowed to know it, so where did you get it from?”

Me: “I don’t know how clearly I can say this: I rang your phone by accident. It was a mistake. I do not know your number. It was an error.”

Angry Man: “I demand to speak to the manager!”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Angry Man: “What is your name?”

Me: “I already told you; my name is [Name] and this is (company).”

Angry Man: “I demand to know where you got my number from!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t think I can explain this any clearer. If you would like to make a complaint please call us on our customer service number. You’ll find it listed in the phone book. Goodbye” *hangs up*


| Yosemite National Park, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

(A tourist walks up to me at the front desk.)

Tourist: “Is that Half Dome outside?”

Me: “Half Dome is one of the many mountain features outside if you face east.”

Tourist: “Which one is it?”

Me: “It is the one that is exactly half of a granite dome… to the east.”

Tourist: “How much concrete was used to make it?”

Me: “… Seriously?”

Tourist: *stares blankly at me*

Me: “I couldn’t tell you, but they decided to ditch the building project once they ran out of re-bar.”

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