In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4

| USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

(During a particularly busy evening, I am helping a customer find a costume for her son. The customer is taking a bit too long for the hulking behemoth of a man who is the next customer standing behind her. It gets to a point where he just can’t take it anymore.)

Next Customer: “Hey! I need a costume. You better take down my order, now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m with another customer right now.”

Next Customer: “Well, then, what the h*** am I?”

Me: “Next in line.”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2
In Line And Out Of Line

Their Service’s Days Are Numbered

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(The restaurant I work at has a rewards program that is linked to the customer’s phone number. Occasionally, they receive text messages about various promotions.)

Customer: “I haven’t received any text messages lately for the rewards program. I used to get them all the time.”

Me: “That’s weird! I wonder what happened? Would you like us to double check that you’re still in the system?”

Customer: “I guess I should give you my new number.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Customer: “It’s just weird. I got the texts just fine on my old number, but then I got a new phone number and now I don’t get any.”

Me: “Wait. You created a rewards program membership under your old phone number, you didn’t let us know you got a new phone number until now, and you’re upset because you can’t figure out why you weren’t receiving the promos?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: ” … I imagine updating your phone number will help.”

Has Beef With You

| VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I own and operate a small ranch in Virginia. We sell all natural grass fed beef, all natural pork, and free range chickens. We also sell cheeses, eggs, and also have a few goats for milk and cheese, etc. A customer calls up wanting information about our operation.)

Me: “Hello, [Company Name]. This is [My Name], What can I do for you today?”

Caller: “Yes, are your cows vegetarian?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they are. We only feed them grass and hay. Hay is a type of grass so, yes, they eat no meat products at all. We use no antibiotics or hormones—”

Caller: “NO, NO, NO! Are your cows vegetarian!?”

Me: “Ma’am, I do not understand what you are asking me.”

Caller: “You farm people are all dumb! My daughter and her friends do not eat meat! They are vegan and we want to have steak for dinner! So now I’m going to ask you: are you cows vegetarian?”

Me: “Are you asking me if my steaks are not made from meat?”

Caller: “No, I know steak is made from meat! I want to know if your cows are vegetarian?!”

Me: “Ma’am, all cows are meat. Everything we take off them during butchering is meat. I am not sure, are you asking me for meat that isn’t meat?”

Caller: “Well, your advertising on your website says you are all natural. That is false advertising!”

Me: “I am not sure how. We keep our cows free from additives and—”

Caller: “Look, I’m not stupid. Before you turn cows into beef, what are they?”

Me: “Cows.”

Caller: “Exactly. So why can’t I get all natural cow instead of beef?”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a live cow. I think you need to find another place to get your meat.”

Caller: “I will not be talked to like this! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “You are talking to the owner. I am sorry you think that an animal is not meat until after it dies, but I will not sell you a live cow to eat! I am also sorry you are too stupid to understand that this is a cattle ranch and we sell our own beef. Beef is meat, meat is not vegan. Please call another company that specializes in vegan food!”

(I hang up on her. Two weeks go by and she calls me back.)

Caller: “I talked to you a couple weeks ago and I just want to let you know that we bought steak from the farmer’s market at (location). We had a wonderful dinner!”

Me: “Oh, you were at the farmer’s market at [location]?”

Caller: “Yes, and the woman there sold us vegetarian cow! You know, cow for vegans! My daughter said she and her friends always eat steak from the woman that sells cow there.”

Me: “So your daughter is vegan, huh?”

Caller: “Well, yeah. She won’t eat chicken!”

(I gave up and I told her I would look into selling vegetarian ‘COW.’ I did not have the heart to tell her that she bought my meat. I am the only one allowed to sell at that particular market and my neighbor’s daughter works for me selling at that location. I also didn’t bother to go into her daughter not being vegan!)

Related:
He Has Beef With You

Always The Same Old Song

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Money, Musical Mayhem

(I am DJing an office Christmas party. A guy who had made tons of requests, most of which I’d played, approaches my workstation.)

Guy: “Where’s my request?”

Me: “I’ve been playing your requests where they fit.”

Guy: “Well, play [Specific Song] next.”

Me: “I’ll get it in soon, but I don’t think it’ll be next. I’ve got a lot of requests coming in, so I have to play them where they fit.”

Guy: “Don’t worry about anyone else’s requests. I’m the boss. Just play my requests.”

Me: “Oh, good. You’re the boss? Then where’s my cheque?”

Guy: “What?”

Me: “Well, since nobody’s bothered to come over and introduce themselves to me yet, I didn’t know who to come find to collect payment.”

Guy: “So, just play my request whenever you can…”

Behavior Past The Tipping Point

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’ve just finished cleaning the entire lobby before our next session goes in. I’m now back at the counter serving, with a large group of patrons waiting in line.)

Me: “Is that everything?”

Customer: “Yeah, but my drink is too full.”

Me: “Oh, I’ll empty some out if you like.”

Customer: “No, I’ll do it.” *tips half of her soda all over my clean bench and walks off*

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