A Chequered Credit History

| GA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(We had just stopped taking checks the day before. A customer walks in, and starts writing a check.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t accept checks. You can pay with cash, or a debit or credit card.”

Customer: “Do you know who I am? My family has owned ALL of the pharmacies here in town for the last hundred years!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our system won’t allow checks. You’ll have to pay with another option.”

Customer: “My family has more money than this whole mall!”

(The customer then pulls out a credit card to pay.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Your card was declined.”

(The customer walked out of the store without saying another word.)

The Tongue Has Eyes

| Peabody, MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I present a diner our menu, which does not contain any photos.)

Customer: “How am I supposed to know what the food tastes like if there’s no pictures?”

Me: “Uh…”

Doesn’t Exactly Hook The Kiddies

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

Customer: *holds up a copy of Nick Cave’s ‘The Death of Bunny Munro’* “Is this book for children?”

Me: “That’s a dead prostitute on the cover.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “No, ma’am, it really isn’t.”

Trying To Stamp Out Stupid

| West Hartford, CT, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Top, Transportation

(I am friendly with our neighborhood postal delivery lady, and always chat with her when taking the dog out for his afternoon walk. She was telling me about the new neighbors that just moved in.)

Postal Lady: “Hey, how are you doing?”

Me: “Good. Yourself?”

Postal Lady: “I tell you, I have to deal with some pretty stupid people on my job. You’re going to like this. Do you know where the new neighbors just moved in?” *points to the house*

Me: “Yeah. What about them?”

Postal Lady: “Well, the other day, when I was when I was delivering their mail, the lady came screaming, waving her arms, running out of her house, because she wanted to ask me if she wants to mail something what does she need to do.”

Me: “Okay…”

Postal Lady: “So I tell her if she puts something in the mailbox, just put the flag up. Then she asked, ‘What flag? You never gave me a flag!’ So I showed her, by moving it up and down. She responded, ‘I don’t think that you are very intelligent. That is NOT a flag. A flag is a piece of fabric on a pole. This is just piece of plastic!'”

(I start laughing.)

Postal Lady: “Wait, it gets better. Today, when I delivered her mail, the ‘flag’ was up. And in it I found this:”

(She showed me an envelope with a hand written address, and where the stamp should have been was a square that read ‘First Class Mail: No Stamp Needed of Mail in the USA’ that was cut out of a piece of junk mail and taped on to the envelope.)

Weird And Weirder

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

(I am buying ‘Keep Off the Grass’ signs for my lawn. I am usually very socially awkward but I love talking to associates. I am currently talking to one about the signs.)

Me: “We live on the corner of two streets so people walk through our yard all the time. I wouldn’t mind except they throw their trash on the ground. I even caught a moving guy doing it. I don’t want to be rude, but I have no choice.”

Employee: “Yeah.”

Me: “It’s not like they are going to abide by the signs. I might have to sit on my porch and watch for a few hours.” *jokingly* “Maybe follow them home and throw it on their lawn.”

Employee: *laughs* “Yeah, you should.”

(Suddenly a customer comes up to both of us talking about drug deals on her lawn and AK47s. We smile and nod, hoping she will go away. Once she does, we look at each other.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m usually the weird customer, but somehow I attract even weirder…”

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