A History Of Petty Crime

| Montreal, QC, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, History

(I am working at the register at the time. Our clients often come after they have visited the Museum’s permanent exposition, taking a bite to eat.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Did you enjoy your visit of the exposition?”

Customer: “Incredible! This is my first time here and I just can’t believe how magnificent those antique items are!”

Me: “Yes, I have gone back to the rooms many times myself. They truly are worth seeing.”

Customer: “I really liked the [Important Historical Figure] room. My ancestors served under him, you know?”

Me: “Glad you liked the visit, sir! Your lunch will come at [price].”

Customer: “Sure, give me a minute…”

(After he pays, as he puts money back into his wallet, I notice a familiar object from his belongings.)

Me: “Sir… is this [personal object from Important Historical Figure]?”

Customer: “Oh, yes! I wanted to show it to my mother! Her legs tire so much she had to stay here.”

Me: “You’re aware that’s completely illegal and may get you arrested? You need to go give it back right now.”

Customer: “Don’t worry. It’s part of my heritage! I’ll give it back after dinner!”

(I pressed the emergency button and watched him argue that it was ‘’No big deal’ and his ‘heritage’ with about five security guards. It took the cops to convince him.)

5 Stories Of Thanksgiving Madness

Not Always Right | Roundups

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of Thanksgiving Madness Thanksgiving approaches, and it’s never the start of the holiday season without some crazy customers to start panic shopping early!

  1. Thankful For A Thankless Job (2,736 thumbs up)
  2. Cooking Up A Storm (2,167 thumbs up)
  3. No Pranks, Just Thanks (15,911 thumbs up)
  4. Political Correctness Takes A Holiday (2,638 thumbs up)
  5. Gobble Grunt Gobble (3,578 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Surprisingly Latex Tolerant

| Dover, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am stocking the dairy department in the store.)

Customer: “Where’s the latex free milk?”

(I felt really bad correcting him and kindly pointed and said:)

Me: “Sir, the lactose free milk is right over there.”

Her Threat Is Not Worth The Paper It’s Written On

| Lake Forest, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

(My store offers customers the choice between paper and plastic bags. As we are very busy in the days leading up to Easter, we run out of paper bags and only have plastic. It is now the day after Easter. An old woman comes up to my register with a small cart of items.)

Me: “Hello, did you find everything you needed?”

Customer: “Yes. I need all this in paper.”

Coworker: *who is bagging* “I’m sorry, ma’am, we ran out of paper bags.”

Customer: “Now, I said I’d NEVER shop here again if you ran out of paper bags.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we ran out just Saturday. It—”

Customer: “Well, [Other Grocery Store] never runs out of paper bags! This store is just too cheap to buy enough paper bags.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t speak for [Other Grocery Store]. All I know is that it was very busy Friday, very busy Saturday, and paper bags don’t come in until Tuesday.”

Customer: *gives me a look of pure hate*

Me: “Your total is [total].”

(I finish bagging her grocery in silence and hand her her receipt.)

Me: “All right, you have four bags. Would you like some help outside today?”

Customer: “No, just put it in the cart.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re not allowed to let the carts outside of the store. I’d be happy to help—”

Customer: “Just keep your d*** groceries!”

(The customer walks right out the door and leaves behind her paid-for groceries. I don’t know what to do, so I just go and tell my supervisor. She freaks out and gets me freaked out about what our store manager will say to both of us. The customer’s groceries are still just sitting at my register. 15 minutes later my customer comes back, somehow looking both haughty and intensely embarrassed.)

Customer: “Well, since they’re mine, I’ll just take them.”

Me: “Do you need help out—”

Customer: “NO!”

It’s Better Than Just Using ‘Password’

| Malvern, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Working on an internal IT help desk, we have a customer who calls once to twice a week because he has forgotten his password to the network or custom programs.)

Customer: “My d*** computer is broken again!”

Coworker: “Okay, [Customer], are you having trouble getting into the computer or into a program?”

Customer: “I can’t do anything! I type in my password and the d*** thing won’t take it!”

Coworker: “Okay, I’ll reset your password.”

(I reset the password and leave it blank, as usual).

Coworker: “All right, I’ve reset your password. Go ahead and try to log in now.”

Customer: “What should I use for a password?”

Coworker: “No password.”

Customer: “Is there a space in that or is it all one word?”

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