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We. Gave You. A List!

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 8, 2021

I live in a shared house with some friends. It works pretty well; we take turns and pitch in for most things. One of those is the cooking; we all contribute money and take turns cooking, apart from [Friend #1], who prefers to eat her own food.

This week, it’s [Friend #2]’s turn to cook. I check the plan in the kitchen to see what he’s making tonight and see something odd.

Me: “Hey, [Friend #2], what’s this you’re cooking tonight?”

Friend #2: “Oh, I’m not cooking tonight. [Friend #1] wanted a turn.”

Me: “[Friend #1]? Is she going to start eating with us now?”

Friend #2: “No, she wanted us to try some recipe from her country.”

Me: “Oh, okay. You told her what she can’t use, yeah?”

Friend #2: “I gave her the list, yeah.”

We have a DO NOT USE list of everything we are all allergic to or don’t like. It’s pretty long, so we don’t get to try many new meals, but it’s really important.

I am looking forward to what she will come up with. [Friend #1] serves up dinner and the leftovers for those still at work. It looks great, but something smells unpleasant to me. We eat and it’s bugging me.

Me: “This is great, but I can’t put my finger on what I can taste. Is it leek?”

Friend #1: “No.”

Me: “Fennel?”

Friend #1: “No.”

Me: “It’s not onion, is it?!”

Friend #1: “Yes! It was on the list so I cut it up really small and didn’t put as much in. But it wouldn’t taste the same without it.”

Me: “You can’t use anything on the list, no matter how small you cut it up! [Friend #3] is allergic!”

Friend #1: “I didn’t even put that much in. I don’t know why you’re making so much fuss.”

Me: “I’m making a fuss, because you ignored something to protect your friends. It’s a good job she’s not here.”

Friend #2: “I’ll throw [Friend #3]’s in the bin, just in case.”

Friend #1: “No, don’t throw it away. Really, it is only a little bit. She can pick it out if it’s that big of a deal.”

We were all in shock, especially as we all saw how poorly onions had made [Friend #3] just the year before. It got heated, and [Friend #1] stormed off, accusing us of “bullying” her and threatening to leave the house. Thankfully, we had enough food that night that there was something for [Friend #3] to eat, and we didn’t let [Friend #1] near our food again.

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It’s All Downhill From Here, Kid

, , , , , , | Working | April 3, 2021

I’m at work, working the donor door at a thrift shop. I’m running around sorting and taking donations while an eighteen-year-old kid is moving at a snail’s pace.

Me: “Move faster; we need to clear out some space on the floor.”

Eighteen-Year-Old: “Why are you such a b****?”

I stop.

Me: “Why can’t you do your d*** job?”

Our manager, who has been on the other side sorting stuff, addresses my coworker.

Manager: “Clock out. And do not ever speak to her like that again.”

I loved him that day! Two days later, the kid left for lunch and never came back. I didn’t care. If you are eighteen and healthy and an asthmatic thirty-year-old and a diabetic fifty-eight-year-old can kick your butt after a month, reassess your life.

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Here’s A Tip: Bring Your Own Money To The Store

, , , , | Right | April 17, 2021

I work at a liquor store. This guy comes in and tries to buy a $10 bottle of beer. This dude never has enough when he comes in, and the first couple of times, I’d throw in the extra bit he needed, but, dude… you gotta have the money to pay for things.

Me: “I need $4 more or I can’t sell to you.”

This dude picked up my tip jar, dumped out the money in there, and tried to give it to me as payment.

I was flabbergasted. I haven’t seen him since but I still think about that on a daily basis.

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A Terrifying Kind Of Stupid

, , , , , | Legal | April 9, 2021

Working for a criminal defense attorney, I meet all kinds of people and hear all kinds of stories. Most of our clients are very nice people, in spite of the trouble they’re in. One, however, really stands out.

She was on at least her second or third DUI and just couldn’t understand why the police and the courts made such a big deal out of it. She insisted that “everyone” drinks and drives and she was sure I could not name a single person who had not done so.

But the clincher was when she told me that drinking and driving couldn’t possibly be illegal because, after all, bars have parking lots! I thought that was the punch line to a joke, but she was dead serious.

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No Touchy!

, , , | Working | April 8, 2021

I worked at a government lab for two years. This story is one of the reasons I no longer work there. I worked as a laboratory technician. Above us were the scientists who were basically in charge of each testing area.

I was finished with my daily tasks and working on some less important projects when I was approached by a scientist. She was in charge of a different testing area for the day and the tech who worked with her was running behind and wouldn’t be able to do calibration tests for the machinery in the area. Since I was finished for the day, I readily agreed to do the calibration. I gathered all of the equipment and walked into the area ready to start. The moment I touched the machine, this started:

Tech: *Suddenly yelling* “What are you doing?!”

She then ran up and SLAPPED my hand hard.

Me: “Why would you do that? You have no reason to touch me.”

Tech: “This is my area! You just walk in here and touch my things.”

We both worked in this testing area and switched areas all of the time.

Me: “I was asked by [Scientist] to do the calibration because it has to be finished today.”

Tech: “If [Scientist] actually said that, she would tell me. Get out!”

I ended up telling the scientist and the supervisor about this exchange. The scientist was furious because she did tell the tech that I was coming, and now the calibration wouldn’t be finished. The supervisor told me that I needed to let the situation go. I’m so glad I no longer work there.

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