Weird And Weirder

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

(I am buying ‘Keep Off the Grass’ signs for my lawn. I am usually very socially awkward but I love talking to associates. I am currently talking to one about the signs.)

Me: “We live on the corner of two streets so people walk through our yard all the time. I wouldn’t mind except they throw their trash on the ground. I even caught a moving guy doing it. I don’t want to be rude, but I have no choice.”

Employee: “Yeah.”

Me: “It’s not like they are going to abide by the signs. I might have to sit on my porch and watch for a few hours.” *jokingly* “Maybe follow them home and throw it on their lawn.”

Employee: *laughs* “Yeah, you should.”

(Suddenly a customer comes up to both of us talking about drug deals on her lawn and AK47s. We smile and nod, hoping she will go away. Once she does, we look at each other.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m usually the weird customer, but somehow I attract even weirder…”

Needs Oil On This Troubled Water

| QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I watch a fancy BMW pull up to the entrance to the fuel station. An old rich-looking man gets out and walks into the store.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Customer: “Yeah, good.”

Me: “What can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I need to get some oil for my car.”

Me: “Yup, all of our oils are on the rack beside you.”

Customer: “Can you tell me what oil I need for my car?”

Me: “I don’t know sir, and I’m not allowed to recommend anything. Company policy.”

Customer: “You’re a fuel station and you can’t recommend me the correct oil I need for my car?”

Me: “That is correct, sir.”

Customer: “Well, I think that is completely stupid.”

(The customer grabs a random bottle of oil from rack and pays for it.)

Customer: “I’ll use this one, and if it’s wrong I’ll come back and sue you.”

Me: “And THAT is why we can’t recommend one for you, sir!”

Argument Cut Short

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I am both a meat-cutter and a cook, and I’m known among regulars for being the best. Some people don’t know me, and therefore don’t trust my work because I’m female.)

Customer: *on her phone* “Hi. Can I have half a pound of moist?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I cut a perfectly good, though darkened by smoke, piece.)

Customer: *still on her phone* “That doesn’t look very moist.”

(I decide this is no time for an argument and cut another half pound. I grab it and also grab a small piece of the previous half for her to taste, offering it upon arrival at register. The customer, who is STILL on her phone, tries it, nods approval, smiles, and gives me a thumbs up.)

Me: “That’s the one you DIDN’T want.”

Customer: *realizes she can’t reasonably turn down the second lot for the first* “You know, give me another half.”

Me: “You want that one?” *points at the refused meat*

Customer: “Yes,  Yes, please.”

Me: “All right, no problem!”

(Of the many times I’ve had someone complain about meat they never even tried, that was the first I’d ever managed to turn it around. I’ve gotta say, it made my day!)

Self-Disservice Checkout, Part 2

| Grand Junction, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I make a quick stop at a grocery store one afternoon. I am using the self-checkout when I can’t help but overhear a couple at the self-check stand behind me.)

Lady: “Why isn’t it working?”

Man: “I don’t know. Just set it on the scanner.”

Lady: “It still isn’t doing anything. Why won’t it scan?”

(My curiosity finally gets to me and I turn to see what the problem was. The couple has a bell pepper, without any barcodes or stickers on it, and are trying to figure out why the scanner can’t read it. I just stand there staring at them in shock when the attendant walks up to assist them.)

Attendant: “Oh, here, I’ll show you. There’s no barcode on that. You have to find the code.”

Lady: “What!?! Why does it need a barcode?”

Related:
Self-Diservice Checkout

Too Early To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

, | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink

(I have just gotten off my job, working retail at a clothing store. I stop by a popular, well-known fast food restaurant for dinner. The drive-thru is backed up, and there are several police officers mulling around. Despite this, I’m still hungry, so I go inside and order my food.)

Me: “So, what’s going on here anyway?”

Cashier: “This customer won’t move her car away from the pay window in the drive-thru.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “We’re having a promotion where you can get a free coffee during breakfast hours. But it’s 11 pm. She shows up and wants her free coffee, and we tell her it’s only for the mornings, and she refuses to move. So we called the cops. I guess they’ll tow her.”

Me: “Wow, all that fuss over a free coffee? That’s pretty sad. I understand crazy customers, I work at [Clothing Shop].”

Cashier: “Honey, until you’ve worked at [Fast Food Place], you ain’t seen s***!”

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