Security Disservice

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Awesome Workers, Top

(In telephone banking service, one of the most frustrating experiences are people who fail the security questions. They want security, but they also want to be able to access their accounts if they can’t remember things like recent transactions, or the phone number from six houses ago that they didn’t bother to update with us. I am on my train home, and I happen to sit down in front of a man on his phone, obviously answering and then failing security for a bank.)

Caller: “Well, that’s my address NOW! I don’t care what you have there. Look! My name is [Name], I was born on [date]! My mother’s maiden name is [Other Name]! Now, please help me!”

(Silence, presumably a reply from the service rep.)

Caller: “But you need to come up with something to help people when they can’t answer these questions!”

(Some silence.)

Caller: “Well why can’t you sort something out for me?! LOOK! Just send me a new d*** credit card at [address repeated loudly, slowly, and clearly]! Now send it because it expires this month! Send it or I’ll call the Ombudsman!”

(Realising he’s hung up, I spin around.)

Me: “Hi! I work as a banking call centre rep and I often come across this situation. Tell me, what solution do you have in mind?”

Caller: “Uh… what? Solution?”

Me: “You just said that there should be something in place to help people access their accounts when they can’t answer the security questions. Well, now’s your chance. I work as a service agent and I’m also part of the decision making and testing process for new procedures. You want something set up to enable people who can’t answer security questions to be able to access accounts. Now, keeping both fraud compliance and the legal obligation to safeguard people’s information and money, what do you have in mind?”

Caller: “Well, there should be another system…”

Me: “You are absolutely correct. Can you describe it?”

Caller: “I…”

Me: “Where I am, we have some procedures. We can send a One Time PIN to your mobile phone. Does the bank have your current phone number? I gathered they can’t verify your address.”

Caller: “No, I haven’t given out this phone numb—”

Me: “I see. So if I gather correctly, you haven’t updated your address and phone numbers with them in some time. What else did they ask?”

Caller: “My date of birth, and a recent transaction.”

Me: “Okay, did you remember a recent transaction?”

Caller: “No! Why should I be expected to remember that?”

Me: “Why indeed? Tell me, did you give them an account number?”

Caller: “NO! I don’t have any statements from them because I haven’t gotten mail in years!”

Me: “Okay, so let me recap. You’ve called up to ask for a replacement credit card to be sent out to your new address. You weren’t able to provide an account number, the agent found you by name and date of birth. You were unable to provide the address they have on their system, they were unable to confirm your return mobile number because you haven’t given it to them. Moving on, you were unable to name any recent activity on the card that only you have access to. Do you not see how this would trip some red flags for a person who has to remain vigilant for fraud?”

Caller: “Well, yeah… but—”

Me: “But yes, your solution – which is?”

Caller: “What?”

Me: “You said there needs to be another way. So after we’ve recapped your specific situation, what would you suggest?”

(At this point, his eyes narrow and he gives me a filthy look.)

Caller: “Now you listen here, you smart a—”

Me: “Has it occurred to you that the person making your life difficult is you? Have you not realised in that exchange and in this conversation, you are admitting all the areas where you let yourself down and placed all the blame on the person doing their job instead of where it all belongs, with you?”

Caller: “Now just hold on a min—”

Me: “No, you hold on. Maybe take the time to take your card out of your pocket, think about the last time you used it and maybe have a think about your last known address, call back, and be polite instead of a whining jerk.”

(Another intense stink eye, I notice my stop coming up.)

Me: “Catch this train often. I had a great time telling you off. It melted all the day’s stress away! Bye now!”

(I alighted from the train, waving back as I got the most awful glare.)

Speaking In Double-Dutch

| Dublin, Ireland | Language & Words

(I work for large shipping company and we deal with our own specific customers, mostly over email. Customers do call us when it’s urgent or something has gone wrong. This is a customer I have only ever emailed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “…So where are you from? Dutch? You don’t sound Dutch.”

Me: “Yes, originally. But I’ve lived in Canada for a long time, England, and Ireland for the past three years. My accent is a bit of mix.”

Customer: “Well, it’s very disconcerting. I can’t bloody tell where you’re from. Just email me from now on.” *click*

Laptop Flop, Part 7

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

Me: “How can I help?”

Customer: “I need to buy a computer. I don’t want you to sell me insurance or anything else, just the computer.”

Me: “What will you be using it for?”

Customer: “I need to use ‘The Google,’ and some word processing. I’ve been told by my technical friend it needs two ‘tetrabites’ and at least eight ‘jiggabites.'”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “I think you mean terabytes and gigabytes.”

Customer: “Yes, I am well aware of what I need.”

Me: “For the things you are using it for, I don’t think you will need those specifications. You might end up spending a lot of money and not make full advantage of the machine. You could get a cheaper machine and spend more money on attachments.”

Customer: “No, I know what I need; my friend told me.”

Me: *politely* “Is your friend a technician?”

Customer: “No, he’s a decorator.”

Me: “Right.” *shows customer to a computer that matches her specifications, priced £899*

Customer: “That’s too expensive. I was hoping to spend £150 – £200.”

Me: “We have nothing that cheap. The lowest priced and most basic laptops start at £350.”

(The customer walked off, whilst muttering how customer service was terrible.)

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5
Laptop Flop, Part 4