Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 4

| SA, Australia | Crazy Requests

Customer: “I’m looking for this vacuum cleaner.”

(The customer points to a picture in our latest clearance brochure.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but it’s sold out. I can take a rain-check if you like.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s sold out? It’s in your catalogue!”

Me: “Yeah, but this sale started more than a week ago. They’re going for 80% off, so they’ve been pretty popular. All of our stores in the state are sold out, but we’re hoping to order more in if we get enough rain-checks.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Where are they in this store?”

Me: “Uh, we don’t have any. They’re all gone. They sold out several days ago.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Well… because other customers bought them I guess?”

Customer: “Why did they do that?”

Me: “Probably for the same reason you wanted to get one—to vacuum with.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t let people buy them all!” *storms out*

Related:
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

When Contact Information Is Not Contact Information

| WA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

Me: “Good morning, this is [my name]!”

Customer: “Yeah, your resolutions team never called me back. I was told you would call me in two business days, and it’s been almost a month!”

Me: “Well, it looks like the resolution team closed out this issue due to lack of communication from the customer.”

Customer: “They never tried to f****** call me! I’d know if they’d tried to call me!”

Me: “I show that a resolution team agent called you on [date], [date], and [date]. Were you out of town maybe?”

Customer: “Did they call [phone number]?”

Me: “Yes, that is the number you provided for contact in the order.”

Customer: “Well, we don’t answer the phone!”

(There is a long silence.)

Me: “I also show that the resolution agent attempted to contact you by email on [date].”

Customer: “Did they send it to [email address]?”

Me: “Yes, that is the contact email listed in the order.”

Customer: “Oh, she doesn’t speak English, so she just deletes everything that’s not in Spanish.”

Me: “So, how were we supposed to contact you since you didn’t provide us with any alternate contact information?”

*click*

Chose A Bad Example For A Bad Example

| AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

(Customer #1 is a young woman, with two children under the age of three. Customer #2 has a daughter around age 12. Customer #1 is checking out.)

Customer #2: “How can you live with yourself? Having two children at your age? You’re a disgrace! I bet my tax dollars are paying for those groceries! People like you shouldn’t be allowed to shop here. You’re a bad example for my daughter!”

Customer #1: “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m 27. I went to a private college with a scholarship, graduated, and then became a kindergarten teacher. After teaching for two years I got married, then had kids, and my husband makes enough saving lives as a firefighter and a paramedic that I am able to stay at home with our kids. Now if that’s being a bad example for your daughter, I would love to see what you consider a good example!”

Customer #2: “Uh, well you didn’t look old enough to… um…”

Customer #1: “I’m going to take that as compliment that living right has kept me looking young.”

This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 3

| Cabazon, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Top, Tourists/Travel

(Our mall is a big tourist destination. They don’t often speak English, and occasionally have translators. They are also notorious for wanting ‘new’ items ‘from the back’, even if the item is brand new.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I help you find?”

(The customer looks at me confused, then to his translator, who tells him what I said. The translator responds to me.)

Translator: “He would like this dress shirt in his size.”

(I measure the man, and get his dress shirt size from the wall. He removes the tissue paper, cardboard, and plastic clips that all new shirts come with. After looking at it, he drops it on to the ground.)

Translator: “He says he likes it. Can you get him one?”

Me: “So, he doesn’t want that one?”

Translator: “It’s for a gift; he wants a folded one. This one is dirty.”

(I notice an assistant manager is behind me, waiting to see if I need them to step in.)

Me: “I didn’t see anything on it when I pulled it out, but if it’s damaged, I can have a manager approve a discount for you?”

Translator: “No. He only wants a new one. He says it’s ‘ruined’ now.”

Me: “Alright, let me go see what I can do.”

(I take the shirt for reference and go to the back. I refold his shirt, exactly as they are packaged, and take it back.)

Me: “How about this one?”

(The customer looks very happily at me, and says thank you several times before wandering off to the register.)

Manager: “Was that the same shirt?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Did you clean it with a lint roller or something?”

Me: “Nope, but two can play at the bull-s*** game.”

Related:
This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 2
This Round He Lost (In Translation)

There… Are… Four… Pumps!

| NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Top, Transportation

(One of my regulars comes in.)

Regular: “$20 on pump five.”

Me: “We don’t have a pump five. We only have four pumps.”

Regular: “Yes you do. I’m on the white car.”

(I look out the window to see what pump she’s on, and I am surprised to see four white cars.)

Me: “Which white car one is yours, ma’am?”

Regular: “The white one!”

Me: “Ma’am, all the cars on the pumps are white; what make is yours?”

Regular: “THE WHITE ONE! Just put $20 on five so I can go!”

Me: “We still don’t have a pump five, and I’m trying to find out what car is yours, seeing as no one else is in here to tell me what one isn’t theirs.”

Regular: “It is your job to know exactly what car is mine! I have no reason to tell you what car is mine; just put my gas on pump five so I can get out of here.”

Me: “Okay, fine, I will put $20 on pump five.”

Regular: “Now was that so hard?”

(The customer leaves, and I sit and wait for her to return to complain that her gas isn’t pumping. Seeing as I should know her car, and have explained that we don’t have a pump five, I don’t put the money in when she picks up the handle for pump four.)

Regular: “Why isn’t my gas pumping on pump four?”

Me: “I put it on pump five, like you asked.”

Regular: “IT’S PUMP FOUR! GOD, LEARN MY CAR ALREADY!”

Me: “Ma’am, I have over 100 regulars who come into this store. If I memorized every one of their cars, I wouldn’t have to room for anything else. Next time you are in, remember we don’t have a pump five, and we are not required to know what car you drive. I’m just here to take money and push buttons.”

Regular: “Useless… just useless! I’m late for work because of you! My job is more important!”

Me: “Oh goody! Where do you work?”

Regular: “At [local fast food restaurant].”

Me: “Well, okay then. If you hadn’t actually been fighting with me, and simply explained that you were on the back pump closest to the fence, you’d be on your way to your job. Have a nice day!”

Regular: “I’m never shopping here again!”

Me: “See you next week.”

(I did.)