No Credit For Offering Help

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I am ringing up an older customer at a grocery store. When it is time to pay she swipes her debit card. She wants to use it as credit and in order to do this, you have to press the red button and hit credit when the machine asks for your pin. The customer keeps putting in her pin and then tells me she wants to do credit, so I have to cancel her card numerous times.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you want to use your card as credit, press the red button when it asks for your pin then press credit.”

(The customer ignores me and continues to type in her pin so I turn the machine around to help her.)

Customer: “How about you stay back there and do what you’re supposed to do and let me do what I’m supposed to do! You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about!”

(I sit there and watch her struggle with it for a couple more minutes.)

Customer: “ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR WHAT?!”

All Smoke Where There Is No Fire

| Madison, WI, USA | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Health & Body

(I volunteer as an EMT. This was one of the first calls I respond to.)

Caller: “Please help! I can’t breathe!”

Operator: “Yes, ma’am. Are you having an asthma attack?”

Caller: “No, but I am about to! Those neighbors are frying chicken and the smoke is really bothering me! I can’t breathe! Please help!”

Operator: “Okay, please go outside to get some air. We will dispatch an EMT crew to you.”

(When we arrive, we discover the caller on her deck with a LIT CIGARETTE in her mouth, pacing back and forth.)

Caller: “Finally! Someone to help me! I can’t breathe because of the horrible chicken smoke!”

(The caller was taken to the ER for a check-up but, she was fine. Later I was told that she does this little trick often because she gets bored just sitting at home.)

Put Them In The Hot Seat

| AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I always like to follow up after a trip I have booked for a customer. A couple had booked a plane flight to Florida, a small rental car, and a few nights hotel on the beach.)

Me: “Hi, Mrs. [Name]. This is [My Name] calling from [Travel Agency]. I just wanted to make sure you had a wonderful time on your trip.”

Wife: “You’ll have to speak with my husband. I’m too upset to speak with you.”

Husband: “I can’t believe you have the courage to call, after what you did. I’ve dealt with incompetence before, but you are the worst!”

Me: “I’m so sorry. What happened?”

Husband: “When I booked the flight, I told you that I wanted an aisle seat, and my wife preferred a window seat. You had us backwards on all four flights!”

Me: “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just swap seats? Or, say something to a flight attendant, who would have told you to just swap seats?”

Husband: “…” *click*

Fish Has Gone To The Dogs

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

(I am delivering a large pizza order to a couple that included an extra side of anchovies.)

Me: “Let me hand you the anchovies so they don’t accidentally spill.”

(As I hand them to the woman she makes a face of disgust and hands them to her husband.)

Husband: “I like to pour it out on the kitchen floor and roll around in them.”

Me: “So does my dog.”

(The wife completely loses it and the husband slinks off with his anchovies.)

Double Take Required

| Wausau, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I’m rather short, 5’3″, a bit heavy, and have short black hair and dark eyes. My coworker is lean, tall, almost 5’10”, and has red hair and hazel eyes. The only similarity we have is that we both wear glasses. Even on this day I was wear a black uniform top and she was wearing a pink one, in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. We just switched off so she can go home.  I hop on the register.)

Customer: *coming up to the checkout* “I couldn’t find it. Are you sure it’s there?”

Me: “Um, what are you looking for?”

Customer: *getting angry* “I already told you! Did you really just forget? Honestly!”

Me: “Ma’am, I just started my shift.”

Customer: “No! I just talked to you! You told me where I could find this!” *thrusts a small plastic bag with a jewelry finding in it*

Me: “Oh! Jewelry findings are the first row of jewelry and go straight back to the wall, ma’am.”

Customer: “That’s not what you said before!”

Me: “Ma’am, I just got here.”

Manager: *coming up since she heard the yelling* “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “This cashier is being rude and is lying to me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry my coworker has told you the wrong section, but she was the one that helped you. I just started.”

Customer: “Right there! Lying!”

Manager: “Actually, she’s right. She did just clock in.”

Customer: “Oh… well… You two just look so much alike!” *storms off*

Manager: “Who did you relieve?”

Me: “[Coworker].”

Manager: “YOU TWO LOOK NOTHING ALIKE! AND SHE’S IN PINK!”

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