Not Very Closed Minded, Part 2

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I work in the meat and seafood section of my store. My department closes at 10 pm, but the store itself is open until midnight. It is 10:15 pm and I am finishing cleaning when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “Can I get two pounds of catfish?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re closed.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me. The doors aren’t locked, the lights are still on, and you’re still here. I want two pounds of catfish.”

Me: “The store is open until midnight, yes. But my department closes at 10 o’clock.”

Customer: “I thought I told you not to lie to me! That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard! The department closing before the store does; do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

Me: *trying not to take the bait* “I’m afraid that’s just how it is, sir. Seafood counter closes at 10.”

Customer: “DON’T F***ING LIE TO ME! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE!”

Me: “Yes, I can see that you’re standing right there. However, your standing there has no bearing on the time we shut down this department.”

Customer: “I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE! YOU HAVE TO SERVE ME! I WANT TWO POUNDS OF CATFISH!”

(I put a sign that says CLOSED on the counter. The customer screamed in inarticulate rage and punched my glass display case. He screamed again in pain and ran away clutching his hand, shouting about how he would sue me for assault.)

Charged With Time-Wasting And Battery

| KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(I work at a battery store, and one of the most popular items we have are reconditioned car batteries. I’m gladly closing up the store. I have my arm in a sling since I had dislocated my shoulder a few days before. Some customers roll up:)

Customer: “We want a reconditioned battery.”

(By the boss’s instruction, I was to keep the shop open and take care of customers when they came in. So, I get them rung up.)

Customer: “And we want you to install it.”

(This is a problem, because it is a Dodge Stratus, which means you have to take the wheel off the car to get to the battery.)

Me: “Okay, but the surcharge will be [total].”

Customer: “What! That is ridiculous. I won’t pay that much!”

Me: “Then I can’t do it.”

Customer: “Fine! But hurry up!”

Me: “It will take a little longer because my arm is in a sling.”

(After more arguing, I finally got started installing the battery. They all walked down the street to a convenience store. An hour and a half after closing, I got the job done, while they stood there and complained that I had taken so long.)

Won’t Let The Joke Run Its Course

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

(I’m working the night shift, and my supervisor has asked me to shut most of the sliding doors and start getting ready to close, leaving me to empty the till while he goes to close another attraction. Our policy is not to turn away any customer unless we’ve started closing out the till. Three men, clearly a little drunk, come inside.)

Guy #1: “Can we come in?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ve just started closing and I can’t sell any more tickets.”

Guy #2: “We’ll be really quick.”

Me: “Unfortunately I’ve already started closing out so I’m actually unable to sell you a ticket, and I can’t let you in for free.”

Guy #1: “Well, what if I RAN PAST YOU?”

(At this point he starts running past my booth, but I just give him a withering glare with one eyebrow raised, a look I’ve perfected for dealing with unruly men at work. He stops in his tracks and backs up slowly to the entrance.)

Guy #1: *dejectedly* “I’m sorry.”

You Can’t Even Picture It

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am helping someone over the phone with a computer issue they are having.)

Me: “Okay, could you take a print screen shot of the issue and email it as an attachment to us?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(A few minutes pass and the email comes through. The customer had taken a picture of the computer screen with their phone, printed it, taken ANOTHER picture of that, and sent it!)

Must Go To A Happy-Apping Church

| UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology, Top

(I work for a large, nationwide cellphone retailer in their customer service call center. I’m trying to assist a customer with troubleshooting her smartphone which is doing a number of odd things.)

Customer: “The screen freezes, applications crash, it’s going slow, and calls drop. Once the screen goes into sleep mode on a call I can’t get it to come back up, but then I can’t get it to automatically go into sleep mode otherwise. Someone else has to hang up otherwise the phone will just keep going on the call. On top of all that, the camera. OH, THE CAMERA! It will randomly take pictures! I don’t even have to have the camera up! The flash will go off and a picture appears on the screen!”

Me: “Wow… sounds like you need a priest, not a technician.”

Customer: *without skipping a beat* “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!”

Me: “Thank you… That made my night.”

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