Scammer Scanner

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I am cutting fabric for one customer, while another coworker is serving a man who has a basket full of stock. The man has the basket on a lower ledge attached the service counter and is putting items on the counter for scanning. I look up to see him put the last two items on the counter, and he then puts one item back in the basket.)

Coworker: *hands him the bag* “That will be [total], please.”

Me: “Sir, can you pass me the basket if you no longer need it, please?”

(The customer takes the item from the basket and drops it into the bag before passing the basket over.)

Me: “Sorry, can I check that item you just put in the bag? Did you buy it before or from somewhere else? If so I need to see a receipt.”

Customer: “She scanned it already.”

Me: “I don’t know whether she did or not. We’ll need to check it.”

Customer: *pulling the item out of bag and handing it to coworker* “It was scanned.”

Coworker: *to me* “How do I check?”

Me: “Just scan it; if it’s already been scanned it will show two in the quantity column.”

(My coworker scans it. The item is added to the bottom of the screen, the quantity clearly showing one.)

Coworker: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means it wasn’t scanned in the first place.”

(The customer pays and quickly leaves the store.)

Coworker: “How did you know it wasn’t scanned?”

Me: “I saw him put it on the counter and then immediately put it back in the basket. It’s why I asked him for the basket.”

Coworker: “I can’t believe he just did that in front of his kids!”

Enough Barking Crazy For One Day

| Savannah, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I’m a supervisor working a closing shift, helping out for another department, since we’re short on people that night, and doing my work at the service desk. My coworker, who is manning the service desk that night, is on the phone with someone, looking slightly perplexed.)

Coworker: *mouths toward me* “Take this! Please!”

(She passes the phone over to me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling your local [Store Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *in a very forced high pitched voice* “Do you have any doghouses.”

(It’s pretty difficult to understand, as they’re clearly disguising their voice to sound like a woman.)

Me: “I’m sorry. Did you say doghouses?”

Customer: “Yes, doghouses.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. We don’t carry doghouses. We do have dog cages and dog carriers, though.”

Customer: “Do you think a little boy could fit in them?”

Me: *hangs up* “Nope. Not tonight. I do not have the patience. They asked if a little boy could fit in them. F*** that!”

Totally ‘Tanga’

| Hastings, NE, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Technology

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

(The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

(Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)

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Said It Without Batting An Eye

| Reno, NV, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I was born with a very rare degenerative eye disease which, after several corrective surgeries, has left me with some very unusual eyes (off-centered pupil, over-sized green-gold iris). I’m used to how they look, but a lot of people are taken aback by them, sometimes even asking if they’re real. This incident takes place while I’m hanging up clothing.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How are you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine, thank you. We’re looking for— Are you wearing contacts?”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Your eyes look really weird.”

Me: ” …Thanks.”

Anna Oprahnina

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(I am a book seller in a large book-store chain. A woman is standing in front of the new release table and is looking frustrated.)

Me: “Can I help you, miss?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a new book. Oprah said it just came out. You should keep more new releases in stock! Especially if it’s a book by Oprah!”

Me: “Okay, well, maybe it’s somewhere else in the store. I can check for you. Do you know the title?”

Customer: “It’s called Anna Karenina.”

Me: *pause* “Oh, that should be in our literature section, under Tolstoy.”

Customer: “Why is it not in the new releases? Oprah said it was just published!”

Me: “Well, actually it was written in the 1870s.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t! Oprah said it was new! Oprah doesn’t lie! She’s Oprah!”

Me: “Okay. Do you want to get the book?”

Customer: “Of course! Oprah said I have to read it. Oprah!”

(My coworkers spent the rest of the day randomly shouting ‘Oprah!’ over the headsets.)

See this story as a comic!

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