Yesterday, All My Charities Were Far Away

| Pinellas County, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

(The theater company I work for does a charity promotion every summer where we ask customers to donate a dollar or their spare change. Every year, this exact occurrence never fails to happen multiple times on the first day of the promotion:)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Theater]!”

Customer: “Yes, can I get three tickets for [Movie]?”

Me: “Sure! Would you like to donate $1, or even your spare change, to [Charity]?”

Customer: “What? No, I did that yesterday!”

Me: *palmface*

Only A Hundredth Of The Intelligence

| Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(Our shop prints a lot of the sizes on products in cm when a lot of older customers are more familiar with inches.)

Customer: “Hi, I need help with these curtain sizes, please!”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Customer: “It says here the length is 228 cm, but I’m not sure what that means.”

Me: “Okay, well 228 cm is roughly—”

Customer: “Because I need a 2.28 m length curtain!”

Me: “…”

Has No Hang Ups About Hanging Up

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

(In our call center, we are not allowed to hang up on customers unless they have been warned at least once, and are either using improper/suggestive language or are calling just to talk about something that is in no way relevant to our company. We are also not allowed to solicit a transfer to a supervisor. I’ve been on this call 30 minutes already:)

Me: “Sir, I’ve already told you, we are unable to do what you are requesting. You’re typically allowed two options in these situations, and I’m bending the rules by offering you the third option.”

Caller: “I don’t care. Give me your supervisor. They can give me what I want.”

(Our ‘supervisors’ are people who have desired and proven their ability to be well versed in policy and have access to a few minor additional programs. I am also one, but it isn’t my assigned day to work as one. I call.)

Supervisor: “It’s [Supervisor].”

Me: “Hey, it’s me. Here’s what’s up.” *I explain the situation*

Supervisor: “Send him through.”

Caller: “Hi, I was told that if I was transferred to you, you have the ability to do what I want, and that is [nonrefundable service already purchased] refunded and for me to have a free one.”

Supervisor: “NO, you weren’t. You were—”

Caller: “Yes, I was and you need to give it to me, because if you don’t, that’s false advertising. You need to give me what I was promised or I—”

Supervisor: “Sir, I’m talking and will not tolerate interruption. As I was saying, you were given an extra option that my representative bent the rules to offer. I know what you were offered because I’m sitting next to her, and she is the most lenient and patient person we have. I’m her opposite. When you were transferred you lost that option because you didn’t take it when you had the chance. Now you have three options: [standard option a], [standard option b], or hanging up and deciding later. If you don’t decide, I will pick for you.”

Caller: “But I don’t want—”

Supervisor: “Okay, I’m deciding for you. I am hanging up. When you decide, call back.”

(My supervisor knows me so well because we always sit together. At work, in the car, and at home. We were hired at the same time, advanced at the same time, and got married six years ago.)