Not So Sweet On The Sweet Chili

| Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a popular sub shop that makes sandwiches in front of customers to their liking. I am serving a woman and everything is fine until we get to the last few steps.)

Me: “And would you like any sauce on that?”

Customer: “Just a little bit of sweet chilli, please.”

(I put one thin line of sweet chilli sauce on her sub.)

Customer: “No, that’s too much!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can wipe some off or remake your sandwich for you if you like.”

Customer: “No! You should have listened to me to begin with! When I ask for a little bit, you don’t drown the thing in sauce! I have a f***ing stomach ulcer. That’s why I can’t have much! Just forget about it!”

(The customer storms off, muttering about how stupid I am and how I ruined her sandwich. I turn to my coworker, who witnessed the entire ordeal.)

Me: “If she has a stomach ulcer maybe she shouldn’t order it to begin with!”

We’ll Sell You One When Guinea Pigs Fly

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, School, Theme Of The Month

(It’s late August and temperatures have been in the high 90s since 7 am. It’s now nearly 3 pm when I get a call.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Do you have any orange and white guinea pigs?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, all our guinea pigs are black but they’re very sweet and personable.”

Customer: “No, it really has to be an orange and white one.”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “Well, I’m a teacher at [Local Middle School] and I set the class guinea pig outside to clean my classroom this morning. I just checked on him and he’s dead.”

Me: “Sir, you’re telling me you left that guinea pig outside in near 100-degree weather without checking on him, leading him to die of heat stroke, and you want me to sell you another one?”

Customer: “…I’m not getting a guinea pig, am I?”

Repeated Lottery Numbers

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I’ve been working here for two years and never been jokingly asked for the lotto numbers before.)

Me: “Is there anything else today?”

Customer #1: “The winning lotto numbers?”

Me: “Aha, sir, if I had them I doubt I’d be working here.”

(The customer laughs and walks away. About six hours later I’m serving someone else.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer #2: “Oh, yes, I’d also like the winning lotto numbers!”

Me: *pause* “Huh. You know, that’s the second time I’ve been asked that today!”

Customer #2: “Ha, weird. So do you have them?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I gave them to the first guy. It wouldn’t be fair to tell you as well.”

Customer #2: “Touché.”

Baby Boa

| PA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a pet store in a large shopping mall. We sell pets and supplies. The customer in question is a well dressed woman in her late twenties.)

Customer: “Do you sell rabbits?”

Me: “Not year long; they are a seasonal item.”

Customer: “Do you have any large rats or guinea pigs? I need to feed my snake and it is quite large.”

Me: “Well, we do have some rats. Let me show them to you.”

(I take the customer over to the enclosure with the rats.)

Me: “Will any of these do?”

Customer: “Well they are a little small. I will just buy two of them. The snake is probably really hungry since he escaped for a while and we just found him.”

Me: “I am glad you got him back safe and sound. Was he gone for long?”

Customer: “Yes he was missing for quite a while. In fact, he hasn’t even met the baby yet.”

(I don’t know if it ever occurred to her that a missing snake large enough to eat a full grown rabbit could be a danger to her infant child!)

Mismanaged The New Management

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

(Our small store, previously belonging to a large chain, has been bought out by a smaller chain. Most customers are aware of it and acknowledge the changes.)

Me: “And your total is [total]. Will that be everything today?”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to take my loyalty card?”

Me: “Sorry, but as we’re no longer owned by [Previous Chain] and [New Chain] doesn’t have cards, we’re not accepting any of them.”

Customer: “Well, I NEVER! What AWFUL customer service this is. How on EARTH is anyone supposed to know that this store changed owners?”

Me: “You walked in the front doors under a banner proclaiming the new name, with a cart labelled with the new name, buying brand products of the new chain while passing by dozens of posters explaining the changes, and are now standing in front of me, while I’m wearing the new store uniform, holding a flyer with the new store name.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know?!”

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