Requires Protection From Customers

| Watseka, IL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(The store has just opened, and the first customer in the store is a very elderly gentleman in an electric wheelchair. He approaches me in the hardware department.)

Me: “Good morning, sir. Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: *after long pause* “… I need screws.”

Me: “Okay, the screws are right here behind me. What size do you need?”

Customer: *points* “Hand me that box.”

(I hand him the box, and he opens it and removes one screw.)

Customer: “Now… I need protection for my screw. Where would I get that?”

Me: “Well, the nuts and washers are all right here.”

Customer: “No…” *doing air quotes with his fingers* “‘PROTECTION,’ for my ‘SCREWS.'”

Me: “I don’t follow you, sir…”

Customer: *talking under his breath* “… rubbers.”

Me: “Rubbers?”

Customer: *yelling* “CONDOMS, OK?! I NEED CONDOMS!”

Me: “Sir, this is a farm supply store… We don’t sell those.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *hands me back the screws* “Put these back, I don’t need them.”

It’s Not Cute

| Aurora, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(At my store we sell a brand of clementines known as ‘Cuties.’. Sadly, this is kind of a common occurrence.)

Me: “Sir, would you like your cuties in the box or in a bag?”

Customer: *takes them out of the box and hands it to me* “This is for you, because you’re such a cutie.” *winks*

Me: “Um… thanks…” *smiles awkwardly and finishes the transaction* “All right, sir, your total is [amount]. Would you like any help out to your car tonight?”

Customer: “Will you be the one helping me out?”

Me: “No, that would be him.” *points to the male courtesy clerk*

Customer: *face falls* “Then, no.”

5 Stories Of Customers Boldy Going

Not Always Right | Roundups

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories About Customers Boldly Going! The Final Frontier of customer service…

  1. Star Trek Names: The Next Generation (5,717 thumbs up)
  2. Fish Trek 2: It All Goes Downstream From Here (4,912 thumbs up)
  3. In Spock We Trust (2,527 thumbs up)
  4. Klingon To The Hope Of A Ticket (10,233 thumbs up)
  5. Hailing Frequencies Open But Nobody’s Home (2,844 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Her Logic Isn’t Adding Up

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Math & Science

Me: “All right, your total comes to $26.48. Will that be cash, check, or card?”

Customer: “Card, please.”

(We finish the transaction. When I hand the customer her receipt, she squints suspiciously at it.)

Me: “… Um, is something the matter?”

Customer: “That doesn’t sound right. It’s too high. You must have overcharged me.”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look at your receipt. This item was about $10, these two were $5, this was $3, and this was $1. And there was sales tax, too. It can add up quickly.”

Customer: “I don’t believe your math. You overcharged me! This is way too much for what I bought.”

(I pull out a calculator and add each item’s exact price together. I also calculate sales tax and add that to the total, which comes out to $26.48, the exact amount she paid.)

Customer: “No, you added wrong! I don’t believe your math!”

(I add everything again, slower.)

Customer: “I don’t believe your math!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. I’ve just proved to you that I charged you the correct price. If you’re not happy with your purchases, you can return them here.”

Customer: “No, I need these things. I’ll take them even though you overcharged me!”

Not Reassuring To Those Doing Insuring

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for an insurance company. Sometimes we issue customers a card with funds for things like hotel and food. While our call center is there 24 hours, we have limited access, particularly to information relating to payments and funds. As these things are rarely ever an emergency we’re asked to transfer the calls to the claims associate, who is typically out on Saturday.)

Customer: “I got a credit card from your company that I can’t access. And I can’t reach the adjuster.”

Me: “Okay. It’s Saturday today and I don’t think anyone is in.”

Customer: “You guys should have a phone number somewhere where I can call and get the pin number. Or have it on file or something.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t. Was there not a letter with that card that had that information?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I threw it away!”

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