Parked Her American Dream

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work at a large department store that gets quite busy in the afternoon, and parking can be competitive. A woman is angry that another customer beat her to the spot she wanted, and becomes so upset that security goes out to see what is the matter.)

Customer: “This is horrible! I would expect this to happen in some uncivilized country, like Mexico, or Florida, but not here in AMERICA!”

He Is Weigh Out Of Line

, | WA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

(It is a few days before Christmas. One of my coworkers is nearby.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Are you finding everything all right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just trying to decide which size sweater would fit my wife better.”

Me: “Do you know what size she normally wears?”

Customer: “Not really, but she is bigger than you… especially in the breasts… She is more like your size!” *gesturing to my coworker*

(Turns around to address my coworker.)

Customer: “What do you weigh?”

The Light-Bulb Moment When Wifi Took Over

| Canada | Bizarre, Technology

(I do tech support over the phone for a large Internet company. Some of the worst calls are for people’s wifi connections, because there’s so many things that can interfere with it, and people of course try to hook up everything from Blu-ray players to printers, but we’re only trained on (and support) actual computers.)

Me: “…And is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got these special [Brand] light bulbs; you can control them from your iPhone?”

Me: “Uh… light bulbs?”

Customer: “Yeah. Except I can’t make it work.”

Me: “So… these light bulbs connect to your home wifi and then you use the iPhone to turn them on and off and things?”

Customer: “Yeah. Can you help me?”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but I don’t have a clue what to do with that. You have your wifi name and password now; I’d suggest talking to [Manufacturer] directly because I’m afraid I’m only trained on computers. I honestly have no idea how to connect your light bulbs to your wifi.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

Me: *to coworker* “…and a little piece of my soul just died just from having to say that.”