You’ll Pop Open The Champagne When It’s Over

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(Though most Sundays are slow, we are being hit by last minute orders that need to be filled post haste. There’s only my coworker and myself, so we’re fighting to catch up when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I serve you?”

Elderly Woman: “Do you have champagne glasses?”

Me: “Yes, we do.” *goes into list of different ones we have with prices*

Elderly Woman: “Wait, that’s too much information. Now, what kind do you have?”

Me: “Um. Well, we only carry the clear plastic kind. We have a 12 pack for [high price] and a 24 pack for [lower price] but they’re very flimsy and likely to break.”

Elderly Woman: “Uh huh. And what do they look like?”

Me: “Um. They’re clear, thin and have a long stem.”

Elderly Woman: “And are they glass?”

Me: “No, they’re all plastic.”

Elderly Woman: “Good, I have me some grandkids running around, so I don’t want them broken. How much are they apiece?”

Me: “Oh, we don’t sell them separately, ma’am. They come in packs.”

Elderly Woman: “Packs? What’s that?”

Me: “Well, they come in sets. A set of 8, 12 or 24.”

Elderly Woman: “And what are their prices?”

(This goes on for a good five minutes of me repeating myself. Finally she decides on a 12 pack and I set it aside for her.)

Me: *looking at my frantic coworker who is swamped with setting orders together all by herself* “Okay, I have your glasses set aside and ready for you to come in-store to pick up at your convenience. Thank you—”

Elderly Woman: “Oh, I can’t come in the store to pick them up. I’m handicapped, you see, so I do all my shopping by phone. I never leave my house.”

Me: “I see. We do have a website that you can order directly from and it’ll be sent to your house, ma’am.”

Elderly Woman: “No, no, I hate computers. They’re so hard to manage. I’ll just give you my credit card information and you can check me out. Then you can send it to me.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can’t do that. That’d be against store policy, plus I would need you in-store to actually sign the receipt.”

Elderly Woman: “What? Really? But I know it’s my card.”

Me: “Yes, but I would still need you in the store with that card to sign your receipt. If we took numbers over the phone, anyone could give a number that might or might not be their credit card.”

Elderly Woman: “But I know it’s me! I’m giving my number.”

Me: “And I understand that, but it’s still illegal. Is there anyone who can come in-store to pay and pick up your items for you?”

Elderly Woman: *sour* “I guess I can send my granddaughter down there.”

Me: “Wonderful. Well, I have them put aside for you, waiting for your granddaughter. Thank you and have a nice day.”

(I hang up the phone, then go back to help package up orders, but don’t get a few steps away when the phone rings again.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store].”

Elderly Woman: “I got my glasses. Now I want to know what kind of designs you have on plates, napkins, and coffee cups.”

(She wasted 40 minutes of my time trying to ‘select’ what she wanted just to decide in the end that she was going to physically go to WalMart and pick up what she wanted.)

Accenting The Listening Problem

, | WA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I’m working in the drive-thru and taking orders. Note: I have no accent and I’m frequently complimented on how clearly I speak in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi would you like to try our new sandwich?”

Customer: “ENGLISH!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, you do speak English.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’ve been speaking English this entire time.”

Customer: “I thought you were speaking another language.”

Adamant To The Watery Grave

| Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am a bystander in a well-known electronics store, waiting my turn to be helped by the repair counter. There is a couple ahead of me, having the woman’s phone examined.)

Tech: *showing them with a flashlight* “As you can see, the moisture indicator is dark red, which means there’s water damage and we can’t repair the phone.”

Customer: “What?! Water damage?! That’s ridiculous! I’ve never even taken it anywhere NEAR any water!”

Tech: “I’m sure that’s the case; however, we can’t fix the phone.”

(With much emphasis on how this wasn’t her fault, the woman begrudgingly decides to get a new phone.)

Customer: “And you have to transfer the pictures. There are SO MANY pictures on there.”

Tech: “Well, since I can’t connect it to the computer, I unfortunately can’t do that for you. Unless you have them backed up on your computer at home?”

Customer: “I don’t do that! Can’t you just wifi them over? Why can’t you do that?! I’m telling you, there’s no way there’s water damage! It’s never even come into the bathroom with me!”

(The very patient tech explains the situation, several times, and finally goes to the back to make the switch. The woman turns to her husband.)

Customer: “I can’t believe it! And that had all the pictures on it from our trip to the beach, too!”