Not So Rewarding

| Calgary, AB, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

Me: “And do you have your rewards card with you today?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, it’s in here somewhere…”

(The customer proceeds to open and search through their purse while I wait.)

Me: “I can take your phone number, if that’s more convenient.”

Customer: “No, no! I can find it; it won’t take a moment.”

(The customer keeps looking as the line grows longer.)

Me: “I’d be perfectly happy with a phone number.”

Customer: “You young people are so impatient these days!”

(My line has now grown by at least five customers, who are starting to look restless. The customer is searching her wallet.)

Me: “You’d be able to leave much quicker if you’d—”

Customer: “Oh, for goodness sake! Do you really think I’ll just give your my phone number that easily? That’s personal information! How do I know you won’t call me later trying to sell me something I don’t need?”

(I am speechless.)

Customer: “Oh… you know what? I think my husband has the card; he was going to use it tomorrow. My phone number is [number]!”

A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie, Part 2

| MO, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

(I’m working at the cash register of a pizza place. A customer storms in and demands his pizza.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, it seems I don’t have anything in here by that name or phone number. Are you sure you called the right store?”

Customer: “YES! The person who took my order refused to honor this coupon, and so I hung up on them!”

Me: “Well, sir, that’s probably why it isn’t in here. Should I place a new order?”

Customer: “Fine! But I want it delivered to my house!”

(The customer proceeds to place the order, as more customers are lining up and watching the spectacle. I read him the final total.)

Customer: “That’s not the total! What is wrong with you people?! Can’t anyone do math? It says here I get two pizzas for $11.95.”

Me: “Actually sir, it’s two pizzas for $11.95 each. Do you still want to place the order?”

(Everyone is watching at this point. The customer throws the coupon at me.)

Customer: “WHAT DOES THIS SAY?”

Me: “Two pizzas for $11.95 each, no limit, expires [date].”

(The customer’s tail is between his legs, and he’s red with embarrassment. With an entire crowd watching, he reluctantly mumbles and pays the bill.)

Related:
A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie

Paying A Hire Price

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top

(I’m purchasing something from my workplace, and they happen to give very generous discounts to employees.)

Manager: “Alright kiddo, that’ll be $5.59.”

(I pay for my item. The next customer in line happens to be purchasing the same item.)

Manager: “That’ll be $22.39, please.”

Customer: “What!? That guy only paid five bucks for his! Why do I have to pay over $20?”

Manager: “Sir, he works here. He gets an employee discount.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying this price! I want to pay what he paid! This is a complete rip-off!”

Manager: “Alright, when can you start?”

Customer: “What?”

Manager: “The discount is for employees only. When can you start? I think I can arrange an interview for you next week.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would I want to work here? I already have a well-paying job! I don’t want to deal with any stupid customers!”

Manager: “And that’s why he gets a discount, and you don’t!”

Space-Time Is Money

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

(A customer enters, walks to the middle of the store, and starts looking around.)

Me: “You look lost.”

Customer: “Where’s your time machine?”

Me: “…sorry, what?”

Customer: “Don’t you guys have a time machine?”

Me: *laughing* “I kind of wish we did.”

Customer: “That’s weird that you don’t have one.”

(There is a pause.)

Customer: “Wait, what did I say?”

Me: “You asked for a time machine.”

Customer: “Oh, God, I meant an ATM machine.”

Me: “Yup, right over here.”

Customer: “Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Me: “It’s alright, you made my day. Good luck finding the time machine!”

She Has An Anachronic Case

| New Zealand | Health & Body, History, Top

(My mother is a schoolteacher. To celebrate the end of school, she and the other teachers have a party, of which the theme is anachronisms. My mother wears, among other things, a Greek toga and a top hat. During the party, she hurts her leg and phones me to help her get to the hospital. We finally get to see a doctor at two o’clock in the morning.)

Doctor: “So, er… What’s the problem?”

Mum: “I hurt my leg during a party.”

(She shows him where it hurts, and the doctor feels around for a while.)

Doctor: “How exactly did you do this?”

Mum: “Well, the music came on, and I was so excited to start dancing that I jumped up, and suddenly my muscle went pop!”

Doctor: “This is probably the most interesting accident we’ve had for a while. Will you take off your socks, please, so I can see better?”

(My mother pulls them off to reveal her blackened toes, which she had coloured in before the party.)

Doctor: “What’s that?”

Mum: “Oh, don’t mind that. It’s just the bubonic plague.”

(Later, as I am sitting in the waiting room while my mum has her leg bandaged, I hear the doctor saying she’d made his night!)