Self-Helpless Against Stupidity

| Middletown, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(One of the local supermarkets recently ‘upgraded’ their self-checkout systems. While nominally faster, the new systems are more complicated and far more prone to bugs. The first time I hit the ‘use a coupon’ button the whole screen is covered with a ‘please wait for attendant’ warning. One of the workers comes over.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t know what happened.”

Attendant: “Let me guess. You needed to use a coupon?”

Me: “Um… yeah?”

Attendant: “No problem. One second.”

(She swipes her ID card, types in a code, swipes the coupon, hits ‘done,’ and puts it in the slot.)

Attendant: “There you go.”

Me: “I guess there’s a problem with the coupon part?”

Attendant: “Yeah, we had a rash of people having issues with the sensor when putting the coupons in the slot who were just about ripping the machine apart instead of asking for any help at all.”

Me: “There’s no way they’d be that—”

(As if scripted, there’s suddenly a loud banging just behind us at the other machine; another shopper’s receipt jams in the printer because they tried to yank it out before it was done printing, and she is now PUNCHING the printer to try to get it to work.)

Me: “…okay, thank you for the help. Have a nice day and God’s speed, brave warrior!”

Attendant: “Once more into the breach!”

Driving You To Not Drink

| Fort McMurray, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a dual restaurant; one dining room, two counters. One is a well known Canadian coffee shop; the other is a burger place. People love their coffee, so often don’t get a soft drink from my side.)

Me: “Okay, you want a number nine with medium fries. Do you want a drink with that to make it a combo?”

Customer: “No, my wife’s grabbing coffee from [Coffee Place].”

(He pays, his wife grabs a table, and I go to wipe down some trays. My coworker hands off the food, but the customer just stands there staring at me.)

Me: “Sorry, is there a problem?”

Customer: “Yeah, don’t I get a [Soda] or something?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “Because literally less than two minutes ago you told me you didn’t want one.”

Customer: “Well, I should get a drink for the price I paid!” *walks off*

Next Customer: “Did he really get mad because you didn’t give him something be said he didn’t want?”

Me: “Yup. You still wonder why people don’t like this job?”

Allergic Overreaction

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a large chemist’s shop in North Yorkshire. I am about halfway through my shift when a woman comes running into the shop and up to the register. She is scratching herself really fast and making weird faces.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “ALLERGIC REACTION!”

Me: “I’m sorry…?”

Customer: “ALLERGIC REACTION!”

Me: “Okay… what about it?”

Customer: “ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT? I NEED MEDICINE! ALLERGIC REACTION!”

(I was quite alarmed by this point and other customers in the shop were starting to stare.)

Me: “Right, what caused your reaction? Is it animal related, or—”

Customer: *scratching like mad* “I DON’T KNOW! ALLERGIC REACTION!”

Me: “Yes, but to give you the correct medication we need to know what caused your reaction. What—”

Customer: “I DON’T F****** KNOW WHAT CAUSED IT! ALLERGIC REACTION! GIVE ME SOMETHING TO MAKE IT STOP ITCHING!”

Me: “But, ma’am…”

(The customer was now running around the store pulling items from the shelves before throwing them to the ground.)

Customer: “WHERE IS THE F****** ALLERGIC REACTION MEDICINE? I NEED IT NOW!”

(The manager, hearing the commotion, runs out from the back room.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I NEED MEDICATION FOR AN ALLERGIC REACTION AND THIS F****** S*** WON’T GIVE ME IT!”

Manager: “What caused your reaction, ma’am?”

Customer: “I. DON’T. F******. KNOW!”

Manager: “In that case we can’t help you. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Customer: “F*** YOU! WHEN I DIE I’M GONNA COME GET YOU FIRED!”

(The customer runs out of the store screaming ‘ALLERGIC REACTION!’)