No Room To Listen

| NS, Canada | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month

(I work for an office supply company and we have a points system for customers, like a lot of places do. You reach so many points, you get a couple bucks off your next purchase.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] points. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’ll give you my points number” *reads it off*

Me: “Okay, thank you. I have the name coming up as [Caller]?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

Caller: “Every time I book a room with you people I always get a bad price! My coworkers always get a discount!”

Me: “Excuse me, what? D-did you need to place an order? Do you have a question about your loyalty points?”

Caller: “NO! What is the best price you can give me for a room! My coworkers always get a good price! I’m going away in a few weeks. I need a good price! You people rip me off!”

Me: “Are you referring to a hotel room? This isn’t a hotel chain, ma’am, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Aren’t you listening? No! I need a room! What is the best price you can give me?”

Me: “Ma’am… you are calling [Company]. You just told me your points number for this company. We are not a hotel. We sell office supplies.”

Caller: “No, this is the [Hotel Chain]!”

Me: “No… it isn’t.”

Caller: “It isn’t?”

Me: “No…”

Caller: “Oh…” *click*

Lawless And Clueless

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Transportation

(I work as a receptionist at a retirement home.)

Resident #1: “I want you to call the police right away.”

Me: “Um. May I ask why?”

Resident #1: “I called for a taxi and it still isn’t here. I want the police to arrest the driver.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry about your wait but I don’t think the police should be involved with something like that.”

Resident #1: “I don’t care. I’m a very important person. I have connections. Call the police.”

Me: “Why don’t I call the taxi company to see where it is? I mean, it’s not like the driver can break traffic laws just to pick you up.”

Resident #1: “I am above the law. With one word I can get this whole company shut down. I can—”

Resident #2: *slowly walks up to desk with walker* “Is that your taxi outside?”

Resident #1: “Ah, yes. Goodbye.”

Resident #2: *waits until the first resident leaves* “What a b****.”

When The Cat’s Away The Pranks Come Out To Play

| Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(It’s a very slow day so I decide to take one of our cats out of her cage and hold her. She’s slung herself over my shoulder when a guy walks in.)

Me: “Hello. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: *staring at the cat* “Holy s***! Is that thing real?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Nope. It’s a new animatronic model from Google. We’re testing them in stores to eventually give people an option for a pet without the mess!”

Customer: “That’s so awesome!! I have to tell my friends!”

(He ran out the store before I could tell him I was joking.)

Ordering Like A Headless Chicken

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a restaurant that only sells fried chicken. My manager answers the phone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [Chicken Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, [Pizza Place]?”

Manager: “No, this is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “I’d like two large pizzas with–”

Manager: “Ma’am, this is–”

Caller: *shouting over her* “PEPPERONI! And I want those green peppers and don’t put on that seasoning stuff–”

Manager: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a pizza place. This is–”

Caller: “And on one of those, on half, I want sausage.”

Manager: “We don’t sell pizza!”

Caller: “Do you still do that special crust? With the cheese?”

Manager: “No, we–”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I’ll just take the regular crust, then. How much is it?”

Manager: *facepalming incredibly hard* “Ma’am. We do not sell pizza. We sell chicken. This is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Listen To The Irony Of The Situation

| Abilene, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I work as a cashier in a grocery store that values guest service very highly. We’re expected to greet, converse with, and thank every customer. My current customer, a young woman, is talking on her cell phone.)

Me: “Hello. How are you today?”

Customer #1: *talking on phone* “… and then we went to the mall and shopped for mom’s birthday…”

(Noticing she’s on her phone, I don’t attempt to make any more conversation other than ‘paper or plastic’ and ‘sign here, please.’ She doesn’t say a word to me. I then turn to the next person in line, an older lady shopping with a friend.)

Me: “Hi! Did y’all find everything you needed today?”

Customer #2: *ignoring me, speaking to her friend* “Can you believe that girl? When I’m working at [Retailer], I won’t ring them up until they get off the phone. So rude!”

Me: “Would you like your milk in a bag, ma’am?”

Customer #2: *still speaking to friend* “I mean, is your conversation SO important that you can’t pay attention to the person in front of you?”

Me: “Your total is [amount]. Can you sign the screen, please?”

Customer #2: *signs without looking at me, still chatting* “Common courtesy is dead, I’m afraid.”

Me: *quietly bagging the groceries* “Thank you. Here is your receipt. Have a nice day.”

(They left without a word. Some people just aren’t very self-aware, I guess!)

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