Keeping Borders Secure And Identity Insecure

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Top

(I am waiting in line, the next to be up, when I hear this a customer start shouting about how she refuses to show ‘some Mexican’ her ID in order to purchase something.)

Customer: “I don’t know where you get off asking to see MY ID! I don’t ask to see your green card!”

Employee: “Your credit card doesn’t have a signature on it, so I have to get an ID or I can’t let you use it.”

Customer: “This is so rude! I cannot believe you people are even allowed to ask for it, for ANY REASON!”

(Having had enough, and just wanting to buy my videogame, I start walking towards the customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, what’s the problem here?!”

Customer: “This illegal wants to see my ID!”

Me: “She’s obviously not illegal, but if you don’t want her to see your ID, then maybe you can just let me see both cards and I’ll verify it to her?”

Customer: “That’s fine. A nice American boy doing the right thing. Thank you.”

(The clerk hands me the credit card, and the woman hands me her ID. I look at them and nod to the clerk. I don’t hand the lady back her ID, though.)

Me: “So… your name’s [Name].”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “You live at [Address]?”

Customer: “That’s what the ID says.”

Me: “Do you know my name?”

Customer: “Uh, huh? No, I don’t. Of course not. Don’t be silly. We just met.”

Me: “Do you know my address?”

Customer: “Well, obviously I wouldn’t. What’s your point?”

Me: “[Full Name] who lives at [Address], why would you give me your ID without knowing who I am, what I want, or what I would do with it? I know who you are and where you live now.”

(The customer just stares at me, speechless as I hand her back the card and the clerk gives her the items she came in to buy.)

Me: “Oh, and by the way – I’m Italian, so think about how badly you just screwed up as you walk back to your car. I’m not saying I would change my locks. I’m just saying I’d be smarter about things!”

Mother Knows Best And All

| New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(A somewhat well-known professional athlete and minor celebrity is making a home-delivery order. He is with an older woman.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right today?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Can you please fill out this form for delivery?”

Customer: *grunts*

Me: “Your address where you’d like it delivered?”

Customer: “Uh…” *turns to woman* “Mom, what’s my address?”

(Gives address.)

Me: “… and your signature?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Signature. Autograph?”

Customer: “Uh, oh, right!”

Me: “Can you please provide you cell phone number for the delivery?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Your cell number?”

Customer: “Mom, what’s my cell phone number?”

Not Game For The Games

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(A lovely, little old lady is wandering around the game store where I work. She picks up a copy of ‘Empires’ and turns to me.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It is a turn based strategy game. You control an army, the opponent controls an army, and you take turns to—”

Customer: “Yes, but what is it?”

Me: “Well, it’s kind of like the game ‘Risk.’ There are some games that happen in ‘real time,’ where you and the opponent move at the same time, but this one—”

Customer: “Yes, but is it a book, a CD, a board game?”

Me: “It’s a computer game, madam. This is a computer game shop.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(She wanders off, picks up another game, and asks another sales associate.)

Customer: “What is this?”

If I Know Him I’ll Eat My Hat

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I vend at local arts and craft shows, selling handmade hats.)

Customer: “These hats are great! Do you know Sandy?”

Me: “Sandy? I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Oh c’mon! Sandy! He makes hats, too! Y’know, in Arizona? He’s famous!”

Me: “Nope. Can’t say I’ve met him.”

That Argument Went Straight In And Out

| Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(A customer wants a quote on replacing his radiator. I tell him that the repair time is listed at five hours.)

Customer: “Almost five hours to take out a rad and put another one in? It should be a simple in and out. All you have to do is remove a few hoses, bolts, and lift out the rad.”

Me: ‘If the standard labour rate is listed at just under five hours, it’s not just a simple in and out.’

Customer: “I can’t believe it would take anybody that long. Is there any way to get it done cheaper?”

Me: ‘Sure. How good are you with tools?’

Customer: “I’m not going to try do something like that!”

Me: “Even if it’s just a simple in and out?”

(Pause…)

Customer: “How does next week look?”

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