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Raisin Them Right

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2021

It’s my birthday and I’m at the daycare where I work. I give the children each a little box of raisins.

Six-Year-Old Boy: “I will not be eating all the raisins. How about I eat half of them now and then I get to eat all those other raisins another time? Now that is a very good idea I have.”

Two minutes later:

Six-Year-Old Boy: “It didn’t exactly work. I did eat all the raisins after all. They are very good raisins, you know. Very good indeed. That’s what made it so hard, of course. I got to eat a lot of raisins now. That was lovely. I enjoyed that very much. I’m all out of raisins now. That’s too bad because maybe I’ll want to eat more raisins later and I won’t be able to now. Oh! You know what, [My Name]? I’ll keep the box! Now isn’t that just the best idea, [My Name]? That way I’ll have the box and I can think about the wonderful raisins I liked so much!”

About two hours later:

Six-Year-Old Boy: “[MY NAME]! I FOUND ONE MORE RAISIN IN THE BOX! I GOT TO EAT ANOTHER RAISIN AFTER ALL!”

That kind of joy for life is my new goal in life now.

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Tea Is Supposed To Be Relaxing!

, , , , , | Related | April 21, 2021

When I am still living with my parents, I buy a box of Red Bush (Rooibos) tea for myself, and I have just made a cup one evening when I run into my dad in the kitchen.

Dad: “That doesn’t smell like normal tea. What is it?”

Me: “It’s Red Bush tea. Someone told me that it’s decaf and healthy, so I thought I’d give it a try.”

Dad: “What is it, though?”

Me: “Oh, it’s also called Rooibos tea. Is that what you mean?”

Dad: “No! What is it?”

Me: “I don’t know what you mean! It’s tea! Tea from a red bush!”

Dad: “WHERE IS IT FROM?”

Me: “Somewhere in Africa, I think.”

Dad: “THANK YOU! THAT’S WHAT I WAS ASKING!”

Me: “No, it wasn’t!”

I’m not sure if the tea is meant to have a calming effect or not, but it certainly didn’t when we stormed off in opposite directions.

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But What Are We Making A “Copy” Of?

, , , | Right | April 16, 2021

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you make copies of keys?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Follow me.”

We go to the key machine.

Customer: “Do you make copies of [Car Make And Model]s?”

Me: “Yup!”

We stand there, staring at each other for a few moments.

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “Um… do you have the original key?”

Customer: “No, it’s stuck in the car. It broke in half. I need a copy of the key, though.”

Me: *Pauses* “I’ll need the original key in order to make a copy.”

Customer: “You said you make copies of [Car Model]s!”

Me: “Yes, but not all keys are the same for every [Car Model]. Otherwise, anyone who has a key to that type of car could steal it.”

Customer: “So you lied to me?!”

I didn’t say anything; I just stared at them silently until the customer got nervous and left.

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Long Story Short, The Answer Is No

, , , , | Working | April 9, 2021

Many years ago while I was driving my vintage extended-cab pickup, I noticed a newer extended cab on a dealer’s used truck lot. I pulled in, got out, walked to the truck, and checked its bed length. It was the shorter bed of that era — six and a half feet instead of the long eight-foot bed.

A salesman arrived and asked my thoughts on the truck.

Me: “Not interested. It has the short six-and-a-half-foot bed; I want an extended cab with the long bed.”

Salesman: “Oh, no! You wouldn’t want a truck that long. They are difficult to drive on city streets and in city traffic.”

Me: “Gee, I had never heard that. Are you sure?”

I know that many even longer trucks are being driven in the city daily.

Salesman: “Oh, yes! They are a real problem driving in cities.”

Me: “I’m not sure about that.”

After a few more exchanges of the same basic views, I decide it is time to give my closing declaration.  

Me: “I have been driving my truck with the extended cab and the long, eight-foot bed for thirteen years. When do you think I might finally notice this problem?”

He walked away with a deer in the headlights look on his face.

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When You’re Feeling Down, They Bring You Flours

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2021

Just as I get to the building, my stomach gets upset, so I clock on five minutes late. I go to my register, but the line is so long that I have to get on the backup register, which I hate because it’s so closed in that I feel a little claustrophobic.

I have rude customer after rude customer, so my mood is quickly deflating within the fifteen minutes of me being there.

I have a couple come through that’s buying a bag of flour. I grab the bag, which apparently has a tiny hole in the top… and I get covered head to toe in flour as it shoots out of the hole when I grab it. I stand there in silence for a moment, just blinking as the customer starts apologizing profusely.

Finally, I start laughing and look at them.

Me: “With the way my shift has been going, it’s either laugh or cry at this point. I’m going with laugh.”

Besides, they were nice, and it wasn’t like they planned for it. It took a while to get it off, though, since my uniform was all black!

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