Makes You Wish You Were Cat-atonic

| VA, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

Grandmother: “Come look a these pictures.”

(The waitress is obviously uncomfortable as my grandmother proceeds to show her a ton of pictures of my cat.)

Grandmother: “See, it looks like it’s playing piano.”

Mom: “She doesn’t want to see all of our pictures, mom.”

Grandmother: “Look at this one.”

Mom: *mouthing silently* “I’m so sorry.”

Grandmother: “He’s playing with something here…”

Only Has Egg On Her Face

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The husband of a couple has come to collect a menu about an hour before they would like to eat because his wife has difficulty making decisions. Our menu for cooked items is very limited and has only a full English breakfast, a vegetarian English cooked breakfast, smoked haddock, smoked salmon, and kippers available. The couple come in for breakfast, having studied the menu.)

Wife: “Do you do eggs benedict?”

Half-Baked Conviction

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer calls into the bakery from another state wanting to order some baked goods for a friend of hers in our city. She begins the conversation trying to ascertain that we were a popular bakery, and that people in the city actually buy from us. This line of questioning takes about 10 minutes.)

Caller: “Between you, me, and the light post, do your baked goods actually taste good?”

Fickle Over A Nickel, Part 2

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(I am currently checking out a line of customers. I hand a lady her change which is roughly $0.94. She counts it then hands me back a nickel.)

Customer: “This is not a nickel. This is Canadian. I want an American nickel.

Me: “Ma’am, it is still worth five cents. Any store will accept it.”

Customer: “IT’S NOT AMERICAN!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let me call my manager. She has to open my drawer for me so that I can exchange the nickel.”

(I call the manager and pray for her to hurry up.)

Customer: “IT’S NOT AMERICAN!”

(My manager is being very slow and thankfully the customer behind her pulls some change out of his pocket and hands her a nickel.)

Customer #2: “Here, ma’am. Take this.”

Customer #1: “Thank you.”

(Customer #1 begins to walk to the door but overhears me talking to Customer #2.)

Me: “Here, sir, would you like this Canadian nickel, it is still worth five cents.”

Customer #2: “Thank you.”

Customer #1: *standing half way out the door shouting at me* “IT IS NOT AMERICAN!”

Related:
Fickle Over A Nickel

So Closed But So Far

| UT, USA | Bad Behavior

(It’s a Sunday, when we close early at 5 pm. A couple walks in at 4:56, but since we can’t lock the doors until exactly 5 pm, there isn’t much we can do. I’ve been hovering near them for a few minutes, and it’s now 5:15.)

Wife: “Excuse me, where is the toddler section?”

Me: “Right here. However, we are getting ready to close, so let me know if I can help you find anything.”

Wife: *absently* “Right, thanks.”

(Another ten minutes later, and the couple is still shopping.)

Husband: “Do you guys have any shorts for my daughter?”

Me: *at this point pretty annoyed* “They are in this aisle here.”

(The husband and wife wander over near another coworker of mine, and I see an opportunity.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], what time is it?”

Coworker: “About 5:30.”

Me: *within earshot* “Guess we aren’t getting out of here anytime soon.”

Wife: “Oh, are you guys closing soon?”

Coworker: “We closed at 5:00.”

Husband: “Ha ha! Guess we better get going, huh?”

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