If Only She Could Hear Herself

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I am totally deaf in my left ear and partially deaf in my right. I wear a regular hearing aid in my right ear and have a cochlear implant in my left. I’m now 19, and working in a very posh restaurant. I’m serving a party of 10. There is a couple who comes in quite regularly who are the ‘hosts’ of this group. The husband is okay but the wife is really snobby and has caused us problems before.)

Me: “Good evening. Is everyone ready to order?”

Wife: “Could you get the manager for me? Now!”

Me: “Of course, madam. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Wife: “No! Just get him.”

(I go and get my boss but have no explanation why he is needed.)

Boss: “Good evening, madam. How may I help you tonight?”

Wife: “How dare you let your staff wear headphones? We spend a lot of money in here and we expect a certain type of service. This is most distressing.”

(Most of the other guests look really uncomfortable as they realise she’s talking about me and it’s obvious that I have hearing aids.)

Boss: “Madam, I can assure you we do not allow that. If you could point out the server who is wearing them I’ll happily sort this out for you.”

Wife: “For God’s sake! It’s the girl!” *she points to me as I’m still standing at the table* “We are in here all the time and I have never known such disregard for the customer.”

Boss: “I’m really sorry. There’s no way you deserve to be treated this way.”

Wife: “I should think so. I just—”

Boss: “Not you. I was talking to my employee and friend. You—” *referring to the wife “—on the other hand are a despicable human being. How dare you come in here and talk to a member of my staff like that? It is massively, plainly obvious that she is wearing hearing aids. Everyone else at your table can see that. Now you have not only embarrassed yourself and the rest of your table but also my staff member. I’m very sorry but I have to ask you to leave, madam. The rest of your table may stay if they so wish but I simply cannot have my staff treated that way. Please leave. Now.”

Wife: “Well! I think you’ll find you’ve just made a very big mistake talking to me like that. You have lost a lot of business from us. My husband here is a solicitor and he will—”

Husband: “That’s enough. I’m really sorry. We’ve been served by your waitress before and know she wears hearing aids, and I’m not a solicitor.” *to his wife* “I think you need to go home. I’m hungry; I would like to order, please.”

(The wife looks about the table as the rest of the guests sit there in silence. She then gets up and flounces out. I take everyone’s order and the rest of the evening goes very smoothly. When the guests ask for the bill the husband calls me over.)

Husband: “I’m really sorry about my wife. Do you know, I don’t work and neither does she. I won the money on the lottery. Before we were rich I was an accountant and she worked in a shoe shop. I really have no idea why she’s like that. I promise I’ll never bring her in here again.”

(The meal itself cost over £400 and I made a massive tip as everyone at the table felt really badly. The husband still comes in with friends but never brings his wife. He asks for me to serve him and always tips really well but I share the tips now!)

Sadly That Is The Uniform Response

| The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

(I work for a company that supplies company clothes. I need something from a hardware store so I go there after work wearing my company’s clothes. The employees there are naturally wearing work clothes of this particular DIY store, of a different style and color to the work clothes I was wearing. Some customer there walks up to me.)

Customer: “Do you still have [item] in store? It doesn’t seem to be on the shelves.”

Me: “I really couldn’t tell.”

Customer: *immediately interrupting me* “Always the same. You people are really unhelpful. Never know anything and I guess you’re not even going to check, right?”

Me: *pointing at the logo on my shirt of a totally different company* “I don’t work here. I just happen to need something here.”

Customer: *slowly realising my clothes in no way resemble the clothes of the store employees* “Well! How am I supposed to know that you don’t work here?!”

Me: “Perhaps by seeing that my clothes are completely different from the employees here?”

Customer: “It’s your fault! I can’t be bothered with such things.”

The Power Of The Lanyard

| Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(I am shopping at a popular punk/pop culture outfitter for some new shirts. I have recently moved onto a nearby college dorm and am wearing a lanyard with my keycard and keys on it that clearly have my school logo on them. I am also wearing a t-shirt referencing a popular rock band and an animated series and have a purple streak dyed in my hair. As I’m stepping out of the dressing room with several shirts, I am approached by two fellow customers.)

Customer #1: “Hi, is it okay if I try these clothes on after I buy them?”

Me: “…what?” *thinking she may be asking the employee nearby*

Customer #1: *looking me in the eye* “Yes, I want to try them on AFTER I purchase them.”

Me: *deer in headlights* “Uh… I guess there’s no harm in that.”

Customer #1: “Excellent, thank you!” *goes to pay*

(Immediately behind her, Customer #2 approaches me, having heard the entirety of our conversation.)

Customer #2: “Do you have dressing rooms?”

Me: “Yes…?” *points to the room I just exited*

(He leaves, and I turn to my friend.)

Me: “They both thought I worked here!”

Friend: *laughing* “Maybe you should apply here!”

(Considering the stupidity of those two customers, maybe I should NOT.)