Picture Perfect Response

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Right | September 4, 2015

(I am a claims adjuster in motor vehicle damage. I’m talking to a claimant who is trying to get me to pay for their damage without pictures to go with the estimate of the repairs.)

Claimant: “I don’t understand why you haven’t paid me yet. I sent you an estimate!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I also requested that you get pictures of the damage. I offered to send someone out to take pictures and write up the damage but you told me you’d take care of that yourself. I can’t pay anything out on this claim until I have images of the damage.”

Claimant: “Ohhhhh. So you’re gonna play that game.”

Me: “…The one where we require that you provide documentation of damages before we write you a check?”

Pepsi Max-imum Idiot

| Macomb, MI, USA | Right | September 4, 2015

Customer: “Um, excuse me. I was rung up wrong. These cases of pop are supposed to be 3 for $12.”

Manager: “Ma’am, only Coke products have that deal.”

Customer: “THAT’S WHAT I BOUGHT.”

Manager: “Pepsi isn’t a Coke product.”

Counting Up The Idiots

| USA | Right | September 3, 2015

(I’m a supervisor at a well-known department store. I am ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so that’ll be $20.24.”

Customer: “But the sign said it was on sale for $24.99.”

Me: “Okay… but it’s $20.24.”

Customer: “BUT THE SIGN SAID $24.99!”

Me: “Sir, 20 is cheaper than 24.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s cheaper? Okay.”

Me: “…”

The Lawnmower Ban

| Dallas, TX, USA | Right | September 3, 2015

(My office line rings, and I answer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Homeowner: *yelling* “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL!”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry?”

Homeowner: “YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL. THIS IS ILLEGAL!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I am not sure what you are referring to.”

Homeowner: “YOU SENT ME A NOTICE ABOUT MOWING MY LAWN. I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR SIX WEEKS. THAT’S NOT MY JOB. YOU CAN’T MAKE ME STAY HERE. IT’S ILLEGAL. I CAN TAKE A VACATION!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about this, sir. If you could provide me with your name and address, I can look into this for you.”

Homeowner: *gives name and address*

Me: “Thank you, sir. It appears you were sent a courtesy notice as your lawn went un-mowed for two months, and your governing documents state it must be done every two-to-three weeks.”

Homeowner: “IT’S NOT MY JOB! I WASN’T HERE! I AM ALLOWED TO LEAVE! YOU WANT IT DONE SO BADLY, YOU DO IT!”

Me: “Sir, we are not the ones who set the rules; that would be the Homeowner Association’s Board of Directors. We work for them. If fact, this rule was suggested by a member of the Board of Directors… [Homeowner], about a year ago. If you would like, I can send you the minutes of the meeting in which you recommended this rule when you were on the Board?”

Homeowner: *meekly* “I didn’t know I would go on vacation back then…”

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Can’t Let Your Hair Down With Some Customers

| OH, USA | Right | September 3, 2015

(I grow out my hair for cancer and everyone I know from work has only ever seen me with long hair as I was still growing it. I finally got it cut again and was working down at lumber where we get a lot of contractors that come in often and who I have gotten to know really well.)

Contractor #1: “Oh! [My Name], what did you do with your beautiful long red hair! It is so short now!”

Me: “I cut it for Locks of Love. I have been doing it for years, though I never cut it this short before. I like it; it takes so much less time to take care of.” *laughing* “But don’t worry, it will grow back out soon.”

Contractor #1: *very serious look on his face* “I certainly hope so! How will you ever get a guy when you look like a [offensive term for lesbian]? You ruined yourself. You just look so bad with short hair. No guy will try to date you now!”

Me: *I am completely taken aback and speechless as he grabs his stuff and leaves*

(Behind him is another contractor I know very well.)

Contractor #2: “I don’t know much about hair, but I for one think you look great with short hair and I think you did a wonderful thing donating it a child with cancer. Promise you won’t let some jack-a** make you feel bad about what a fantastic thing you did for someone in need!”

Me: “I promise and thank you.”

(We fist bumped and I had to keep thanking him as he left the store.)

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