A Total PPOODJ-Head

, | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Funny Names, Technology

(I am working behind the ‘print and copy’ counter at my store. A customer who is known for her deliberate time wasting and rudeness comes in to use the self-serve photo printing kiosks. She calls me over because I haven’t served her before, so she sees me as a new target. She doesn’t know that I know exactly who she is and what tricks she uses. I also know that she is capable of using the machines on her own, as she does so when she thinks no one is watching.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to type in my name. You do it for me.”

Me: *very politely* “Yes, you do, ma’am. Do you remember last time when [Coworker #1] showed you just how to do it? Or the time when [Coworker #2] made sure you knew just how to use the machine? Now, these machines are self-serve. Why not have a play around with them yourself? I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Customer: “YOU DO IT.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I have customers. As I have mentioned, this is a self-serve machine. I’ll be more than happy to help you when I don’t have customers lining up. Please excuse me.”

(I go back to my counter and help the line of customers who are actually paying for the service of having me help them. She soon comes over to the counter with her ticket to pay for her photos. Her name is displayed on the ticket as ‘PPOODJ,’ obviously just random letter that she’s mashed.)

Customer: “LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! LOOK! PPOODJ! I AM NOT A PPOODJ! LOOK!”

Me: “It doesn’t matter, ma’am. Your photos will be ready in a few minutes. The name doesn’t really matter at all. That will be [amount].”

(She pays and waits for her photos, grumbling.)

Customer: *over her shoulder as she is leaving the store* “PPOODJ!”

(She never asked for help again while I was working, and wouldn’t you know it, never had any troubles using the machine from then on.)

A Continuous Sauce Of Stress

, | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Give me an extra sauce.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I have to charge you an additional 28 cents.”

Customer: “I come here all the time! Just give me the f****** sauce!”

(I’ve worked there for three years both day and night shift and have never seen this lady.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t give you the extra sauce unless you purchase it.”

(The lady digs in her purse and pulls out some change. I hand her the sauce.)

Customer: “Can I have a cup of water?”

Me: “We charge for our cups as well. It would be 28 cents.”

(I’m trying to hold back a smile as the customer glares at me.)

Customer: “Have a good f****** night, b****!”

(I smile at her politely.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am! I hope you have a wonderful evening as well!”

Picture Perfect

| AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work as a library clerk in the computer lab. Over the next couple of nights we have a gentleman come in who is completely computer illiterate. I’ve tried to explain the best I can as how to go about searching online for information, or watching videos. On this particular night he seems to understand the computer a little more.)

Patron: “Excuse me, I need help.”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Patron: “This video won’t load! I’ve been staring at it for the last 30 minutes, and nothing has happened!”

(I take in the problem quickly, and try not to laugh.)

Me: “Sir, you’ve been looking at a picture for the last 30 minutes, not a video.”

Not Skirting Around The Issue

| Lake George, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Spouses & Partners

(An older customer, maybe in his 50s, walks in to my female clothing store.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Don’t worry. I’m not a cross-dresser or anything. I’m just looking for my wife”

(He says the first half in a very derogatory tone of voice.)

Me: *smiles sweetly* “Well, if it’s any consolation, I think you’d look great in a skirt!”

(The customer glares at me and leaves!)

Taking A Swipe At Common Sense

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(I am working as a cashier during Easter weekend at a popular retail shop. I have a long line but am getting people rung out quickly. A customer in her early 30s is next in line.)

Me: “Hi, how are you doing today?”

(The customer puts her items on the belt, and doesn’t say a word to me.)

Me: *rings up her order* “Okay, that will be [total].”

Customer: *swipes her card very fast* “Why isn’t this working?!”

(She swipes the card back and forth quickly. All the while the machine beeps to inform us that it cannot read her card, because she is swiping it too fast.)

Me: “Oh, you need to swipe it slower so the machine can read your card.”

Customer: “Oh.” *continues swiping too fast, back and forth* “Your machine is broken! It won’t accept my card!”

Me: “You just need to swipe it a little slower.”

Customer: “I AM SWIPING IT! YOUR STUPID MACHINE WON’T TAKE MY CARD!”

(She proceeds to keep swiping it back and forth just as fast as before and is getting a bit rough with the machine.)

Customer: “SEE!? IT WON’T WORK!”

Me: “Would you like me to try and swipe the card back here? Sometimes the front one doesn’t work but mine will.”

Customer: “All right… Wait, you’re the store who got hacked, right?”

(I get asked this a lot. During last year’s Christmas shopping season a bunch of credit and debit cards were hacked. People are still cautious about the security breach.)

Me: “Yes, but we have taken care of the issue and your card is safe to use now.”

Customer: “I don’t want my card hacked.”

Me: “As I said, your card is safe.”

Customer: “I don’t want my information stolen!”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but we took care of the issue. I’ve used my card here plenty of times since it was fixed and no one has stolen money from me.”

Customer: “Well, that is because you are an employee. They wouldn’t steal money from someone who works for them.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “[Store] wouldn’t steal money from the people who work for them.”

Me: “Oh, no. It wasn’t [Store] that hacked into people’s accounts. It was a hacker.”

Customer: “But I bet you got a huge paycheck during that time when you were stealing money.”

Me: “Yes, my paycheck was bigger but that was only because there were more hours to go around. [Store] didn’t steal any money.”

(My manager comes over to see why I was taking so long.)

Manager: “Is something wrong, [My Name]?”

Customer: “I’m just making sure your employee doesn’t steal my card information. She asked to swipe it in the card reader behind her because the front one isn’t working. I don’t want my information stolen!”

(I explain to my manger why I asked to swipe her card with my card reader and why she thinks I am trying to steal her information.)

Manager: “As my employee said, [Store] didn’t steal anyone’s money. It was a hacker. I myself was a victim of the breach.”

Customer: “But you work here! They couldn’t steal money from you! You’re just lying so you can get away with stealing more people’s money!”

Manager: “I assure you, we are not trying to steal your money.”

Customer: “But your employee is trying to take my card!”

Manager: “Why don’t you try swiping your card again in the front card reader?”

Customer: *swipes her card fast again, then a few more times violently* “See?! It won’t work! Your employee must have broken the machine so she could copy my card information into the database!”

Manager: “Try swiping it a bit slower.”

(My manager motions over the card reader at the right pace. The customer slides her card again and it goes through.)

Customer: “It worked! Thank goodness you were here to prevent your employee from stealing my information!” *looks at me* “All you kids are thieves. I hope you get fired for this!”

Me: “Er… have a nice day.”

(I hands her her bags and she leaves.)

Manager: “Don’t worry. You aren’t going to be fired for her ignorance.”

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