Shouldn’t Spit Out Those Words

, | Bloomington, IL, USA | Right | August 5, 2015

(We have posted signs on our doors stating that our lobby would be closing for a manager’s meeting two hours earlier than usual. Three college-age boys come in at about twenty minutes till close, clearly oblivious. My manager is the one to ring up their food, and the following exchange ensues:)

Manager: “All right, and I have to tell you, our lobby will be closing in about twenty minutes for the managers to have a meeting.”

Customer: “Wow! What d***s!”

Manager: “Well, technically I’m a manager, so. . . .”

(The customer immediately goes white, then red.)

Customer: “I am SO sorry!!! …Please don’t spit in my food!”

Manager: “I mean, you can literally watch us make it, so. . .”

Customer: “I’m sorry!”

Insecure About Your Security

| ON, Canada | Right | August 5, 2015

(I worked at a call center. I am in training but required to take one call whenever we are listening in with an experienced agent.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know why I am being charged so much! My bill is way higher than I was told!”

Me: “I can certainly look that up for you, sir. I need your phone number to access your account.”

Customer: “Why do I need to tell it to you? You should already have it!”

Me: “Sir, our system is not connected to our phones, so we need to get the information from you.”

Customer: “Fine! It’s [phone number].”

Me: “Thank you, sir. I need to ask you a few questions for security reasons. Can you tell me your name?”

Customer: “[First Name].”

Me: “Sir, can you please tell me your full name?”

Customer: “Why? What are you going to do with it?”

Me: “Sir, for security purposes I need your full name.”

Customer: “Well, don’t you have it?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I do, but I need you to tell me what it is so I can proceed with the security check and get to your issue.”

Customer: “Fine! It’s [Full Name].”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Now, can you please give me your address?”

Customer: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “Sir, as a security measure I need to ask for some information, like your name and address. Now, if you can tell me your address we can proceed on to your issue.”

Customer: “You have it right there in front of you! I’m not giving you my address so you can send me junk mail and have people watch me!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you we will not send you any junk mail or send anyone to watch you. I need your address for security measures.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not giving it to you! I already gave you my last name, now you can track me down and have people do something to my house! I won’t let you!” *click*

(I am just sitting there, stunned, looking at my coworker who I was assigned to.)

Coworker: “Sometimes we get people who don’t seem to understand why we need to make sure they are who they say they are…”

Lying Is All Relative(s), Part 3

| PA, USA | Right | August 5, 2015

(I’m in high school, and work at my father’s pharmacy during the summer. One day a woman who looks to be in her mid-twenties rushes up to my line, cutting several people. She dumps multiple boxes of prescription medication on the counter, as well as about $50 worth of make-up, hair dye, and jewelry.)

Customer: “I’m the owner’s daughter, so I get all this stuff for free, okay?”

Me: “Ma’am, please get to the back of the line.”

Customer: “For the love of God, just ring me up! I’m the owner’s daughter! I don’t have time to wait!”

Me: “You’re the owner’s daughter?”

Customer: “Yes! What are you, f****** deaf? Just f****** ring my stuff up so it won’t set off the alarm!”

Me: “Wow, that’s such a coincidence.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: *smiling widely*I’m the owner’s daughter, too!”

(The customer stared at me for a second, then turned beet red and ran out of the store, leaving her items on the counter. She hasn’t been back since!)

Related:
Lying Is All Relative(s), Part 2
Lying Is All Relative(s)

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Upgrade To An Apple

| Right | August 5, 2015

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Not A Laptop Flop

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Right | August 5, 2015

(I’m a consultant and cashier at a popular electronics store. Most people come into the store to buy laptops and computers, and it’s part of my job to promote our computer repair service on every purchase. It just turned dark and it’s my last customer I have to deal with, who’s buying an expensive laptop. Some kids are playing outside and making a lot of noise.)

Customer: “I don’t really want your protection plan. I’m really careful with my things.”

Me: “Are you sure? We have a discount that reduces that price every year you have it, and it’s not a high price to begin with.”

(After a minute of trying to convince him to buy it, he relents.)

Customer: “Whatever. I’ll get it, I guess.”

(I ring up his purchases, including the protection plan.)

Me: “Thanks for shopping at [Store], and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Yeah, you too—”

(Out of nowhere, a few of the kids playing outside bump into him and knock his things to the ground, including his laptop. I can hear some shattering noises from all the way from my station. The customer looks into the box he had his laptop in and everything in it is completely broken. He looks straight at me blankly and amused.)

Customer: “Good thing I got that protection plan!”

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