A Whole New State Of Understanding

| PA, USA | Family & Kids, Geography

(I’m currently having a conversation with a little girl, about kindergarten age, while I do her nails.)

Little Girl: “You know, I’ve never been to the United States of America.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Little Girl: “I’ve never been to the States. I wonder what it’s like there?”

Me: “You live in the United States, hun.”

Little Girl: “I do?”

Me: “Yes! You sure do!”

Little Girl: “Wow, I thought I lived in the city!”

A Seedy CD

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque, Technology

(Part of the territory of working in a copy and print shop is you are going to see some ‘private’ photos sometimes. While you are allowed to refuse to print something you are uncomfortable with, most of us don’t care and just turn the print upside-down once done to avoid offending other customers. On this particular day, a regular customer comes in, who we all know manages a ‘gentleman’s club’ in town.)

Customer: “Okay, the image is on this CD, it should be the only one there.”

Me: “Okay. Let me just look at it on the computer before you go, so I know it’s the right one and it copied to the disk properly.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *realizing immediately that I can’t describe this image in front of other customers* “Er… sir, do you want to come around the counter and look to make sure the image is correct?”

Customer: *very loudly* “IS IT A MIDGET STRIPPING?”

Me: “…  Yes. Yes, in fact, it is…”

Seriously Cheesed Off

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in the deli section of my store. We have only one meat slicer and one cheese slicer. Right now, we have a long line at the slicers. My coworker is slicing meat and I’m slicing cheese.)

Me: *to the line of people* “Cheese? Cheese? Anyone getting sliced cheese?”

(A customer puts his phone down and approaches.)

Customer #1: “Hi, can I have a pound of turkey?”

Me: “Okay. Any cheese for you, sir?”

Customer #1: “No, I’m not getting cheese.”

Me: “Oh. Well, I was asking about cheese. My buddy here is slicing meat. He’ll be with you in a moment.”

(He gives me a disgruntled look and gets back in line.)

Me: *louder* “Is anyone getting cheese sliced today?”

(Another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “Yes, can I get cooked ham, please?”

Me: “Do you need any cheese, sir?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Me: “Then I’m afraid there will be a short wait. I’m only slicing cheese; my coworker is doing the meat.”

Customer #2: “Um, okay.”

(He gets back in line.)

Coworker: *snickering*

Me: *very loudly* “DOES ANYONE HERE NEED SLICED CHEESE?”

(A little old lady walks up to me.)

Customer #3: “I want to get some turkey breast, please.”

Me: “Are you getting any cheese, ma’am?”

Customer #3: “No, I don’t need any.”

Me: *sighing* “I’m sorry, I’m only slicing cheese. He’s doing meat. I’m doing cheese.”

Customer #3: “You mean I have to wait?!”

Me: “We only have one meat slicer, ma’am.”

(She throws her hands up in frustration and gets back in line. My coworker is now chuckling loudly.)

Me: “Well, since no one needs cheese, I’m going to go clean up the mess in the cooler.”

Coworker: “What mess?”

Me: “The one that’s going to be there after I face-palm my brains all over the wall…”

Not The Brightest Bulb In The Box

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I am one of two department managers responsible for the front end in my store. My subordinate is on the register next to me, processing a return for a rather expensive LED light bulb. This is right after the most recent Target hack.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this light bulb. It wasn’t the kind I needed.”

Coworker: “All right. Do you have your receipt?”

(The customer hands over the receipt, and she processes it quickly.)

Coworker: “Okay, [amount of return] is going back to your card. Is that all right?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s fine.”

(The coworker hands over return slip for him to sign. He stares at it for a moment and compares it to a credit card in his hand.)

Customer: “This is the wrong card. It should be returned to this card. *shows my coworker the card*

Coworker: *looking at original receipt* “Sir, that’s not the card that was used. The card used to pay for the light bulb ended in [last four card numbers].”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have that card anymore. It was replaced because of the Target thing. Let me speak to your manager.”

(Coworker calls me over. I’ve heard nearly everything, but she explains the situation briefly.)

Me: “Hi. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need this returned on to this card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you didn’t use that card to pay for it. We can only process a refund to the original card, or a store credit. But as the return has already been processed, you’ll have to contact the company who handles your account. As long as it’s in good standing, they’ll issue a check for the amount of the refund.”

Customer: “Of course my card is in good standing! It’s a prominent bank that deals with veterans and their families. It’s the same account. I just have a new card number. So, you can’t refund my purchase?”

Me: “We already have. If your card is linked to the same account, then most likely, they’ll credit your account. I’ll call for you right now, if you like.”

Customer: “It’s Sunday! They’re not open! I just want my money back.”

Me: “Sir, we’ve refunded your money back to your card. At this point, it is out of our hands. You can call your bank and they can issue you a check for the amount.”

Customer: “You haven’t given me my money back. It’s not the right card.”

(I show him the return slip.)

Me: “As far as this company is concerned, we have. The money is now in the hands of your bank. You may call them on Monday, and they can credit your account, or issue a check.”

Customer: “So, you’re not going to refund me?”

Me: “As I said, we already refunded—”

Customer: “No, you haven’t. Is there something wrong with you? You haven’t refunded my purchase.”

(The customer grabs the light bulb off the counter.)

Customer: “I’ll just go to a store where they know how to do a refund correctly. You are all obviously too stupid to do this!” *begins to walk out the door*

Me: “Sir! You can’t take the light bulb. We’ve refunded that!”

Customer: “No, you haven’t! I’m going somewhere else!”

(He stole the light bulb. No other store would be able to refund his money back to the new card. Our system isn’t set up that way. Three days later, I got a call from another store asking about the return. They contacted his bank and they had credited his account. That store took the light bulb from him at that time.)

Sorry Doesn’t Seem To Be The Hardest Word

| AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

(I’m ringing up a customer and giving her her bags. I forget to give her the light jacket she bought and don’t notice until she drives off. Hoping she’ll come back, I put it next to myself for safe-keeping and keep checking customers. Twenty minutes later, she returns.)

Customer: “Where’s my jacket?!”

Me: “Right here, ma’am.” *I give her back the jacket* “I’m sorry about the inconvenience, I—”

Customer: “You should be ASHAMED of yourself! This is very poor service!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am—”

Customer: “I had to get out of my car, bring in my things, see my jacket missing, get my walker, get BACK in my car, and drive all the way back here, and it was very difficult! What’s your name? I’m calling corporate about you, and they’re gonna write you up!”

Me: “I’m sorry about—”

Customer: *wry laughter* “Oh, and of course, you never ONCE said sorry!”

Me: “But I, just— I’m very sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, you apologize NOW, after I TELL you to!”

(I return to my line, shaken and a little upset, and continue ringing up the customer I was helping earlier, who witnessed the whole thing.)

Next Customer: “But you said you were sorry FOUR times. I counted!”

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