I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 16

| FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I went to check out a sale at a clothing store. While browsing the clothing racks, a lady runs up to and violently grabs my arm and start yelling at me.)

Customer: “About d*** time someone showed up. I’ve been looking for you for ten minutes now!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Don’t give me that! I give you guys a lot of my hard earned money and all I get is crappy service.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m sorry, but I think you—”

Customer: “Now listen here. I don’t have time for this. I’ve got places to be, so just do your d*** job and help me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Work, you got that right! You just get paid to sit on your fat a**. If it was up to me you’d be fired!”

(At this point the store manager has heard the commotion and comes over to see what the problem is.)

Manager: “Excuse me, ladies. Is there a problem here?”

(Customer angrily points at me.)

Customer: “Yes, there’s a problem! Your sorry excuse of employees stand around all day while your customers have to suffer!”

(Looking at me, the manager understands what’s going on and is trying to not burst out laughing.)

Manager: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am, but if you would have asked a store associate for assistance instead of yelling at another customer, perhaps we could have assisted you.”

Customer: “Well, I never!”

(Confused, the lady looks at me and finally realizes I’m not wearing a store uniform or name tag.)

Customer: “Oh, um… Ah, I think I’ll just come back later.”

(Looking extremely embarrassed the lady rushes out of the store without even apologizing.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, miss. Are you all right?”

Me: “I’m really confused but yeah. I guess. Are all your customers like that?”

Manager: “That’s not even the worst of it.”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 15
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 14
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 13

Shouldn’t Be Listening

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

(I am a cashier at a popular craft store. A woman is purchasing lots of items for her daughter’s upcoming birthday party. Most of these items are little things, like individual lip balms and wrapped candies. We don’t have scanners at this store, so it takes me a good seven or so minutes to ring up all her items.)

Customer: “This is all for my daughter’s birthday! Isn’t it wonderful?”

Me: “Yes, it is. How old is she turning?”

Customer: “Three. And she’s mommy’s little princess. She’s my pageant winner. We spend so much on pageants! Oh, it’s so expensive. I really shouldn’t be buying her all this for her birthday.”

(The customer goes on and one like this as I ring up all her items. She keeps talking about her daughter’s pageants. Her little girl is sitting in the cart with a lollypop in her mouth, apparently too young to care about big birthday parties and pageants.)

Me: “Do you have a coupon to use today?”

Customer: “Yes, I do. 40% off right here.”

(Her sum is quite large, so I make sure she understands.)

Me: “You do realize that this is for 40% off one individual item, right?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, yes. And it’s great because I really shouldn’t be buying all this. I really don’t have a lot of money.”

(The customer doesn’t seem to have understood what I said about 40% off one item, not the entire purchase. After clarifying one more time, I process the coupon and finish the transaction. About ten minutes later she comes rushing back into the store.)

Customer: “I didn’t get 40% off my purchase! I told you I shouldn’t be buying all of this.”

Me: “Ma’am, I did tell you several times before finishing your transaction that the coupon was for 40% off one item, not the entire purchase. You told me you understood.”

Customer: “Fine, Then I want to return most of this.”

(She then proceeded to unload all the individual lip balms and candies she had purchased. It took me another ten minutes to process her refund, and then she swept out of the store muttering about how expensive the birthday party was turning out to be.)

A Crime Against Closing Time

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I am working the register at a craft store. We are getting close to closing time, and make announcements over the PA system about every five minutes or so, warning customers to finish their purchases. About once a month there is a customer who comes in and wanders right up until the closing time before she comes to the register. Being at register one, I am the last cashier to close my till and have to wait until we’ve finished helping every customer that was in the store before we close the doors.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right tonight, ma’am?”

Customer: *sighs* “I suppose.”

(As I ring up her purchases, she grabs a weekly ad from beside my register.)

Customer: “Ooh, spring items are 40% off. Can I go look really fast before you finish ringing me up?”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: “I’ll be quick.”

Me: “Ma’am, you have already looked back there. We are closed, and as soon as I’m done with your transaction I am closing my till. If you’d like to take a look at our spring sale, you can come back tomorrow morning. We open at 10 am.”

Customer: “I just want one item. I promise I’ll be quick.”

(We are 15 minutes past closing, all my coworkers have closed their tills and cleaned up their respective areas, and are standing up at the front waiting, since we all have to leave the store together.)

Me: “Ma’am, we are closed. And your total is [amount].”

(The customer pays and trundles out of the store, finally.)

Manager: “Way to be firm. I thought I was going to have to drag her out of the store.”

I Nintendo All

| Oakville, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

(I work at a frozen yogurt shop. I’m serving two parents and their young son. I hand the son his spoon and notice he’s holding a plush toy of Luigi, from the Mario series of Nintendo games.)

Me: *quietly* “Luigi!”

Boy: “How did you know his name?”

Me: “Because he’s a character from a video game. A very famous video game!”

(I wasn’t sure how to interpret the look the boy gave me as he left the counter, but he almost seemed either suspicious, skeptical, or confused. I, for one, wonder how *he* found out about Luigi, if not from the games!)

Going On A Duck Tale

| USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(My office phone rings and I answer it. The voice on the other line sounds like it belongs to an elderly gentleman who may be hard of hearing.)

Me: “Hello, [Prison]. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi. Yes, this is [Caller] from [Small, Rural Town] and I need a duck license.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir?”

Caller: “I need a duck license. I know I can get one on the Internet, but the Internet is not good out here in [Small, Rural Town].”

Me: “Sir, I think you got the wrong number.”

Caller: “We have so many ducks out here. I need a duck license. I know I can get them on the Internet, but I can’t use the Internet so I need you to help me with a duck license.”

Me: “Sir, you have called the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

Caller: “You see there are so many ducks around here. So I need your help with a license…”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “… and I need it because there are so many ducks and I need a license to shoot them…”

Me: “Sir? I think you wanted fish and game.”

Caller: “… but I can’t get on the Internet, so I need you to give me a license.”

Me: “Sir, you have the wrong number. This is the penitentiary.”

Caller: “The what? Who did I call?”

Me: “You called the prison, sir.”

Caller: “Oh, you can’t help me at all then…”

Me: “Let me get you the number to fish and game.”

(He was very nice and appreciative, and his wrong number made my day!)

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