Beguiling Bagels

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Right | November 24, 2015

(It is less than five minutes before closing on a Friday night, when a clearly drunk individual walks into the bagel shop where I work. The store manager has worked with me for years, in multiple settings, and we like to take turns pinning each other with the unruly guests.)

Customer: “I want a dozen doughnuts.”

Me: “I’m sorry; did you mean a dozen bagels?”

Customer: “Did I say I wanted f****** bagels? I said f****** doughnuts. I want a dozen doughnuts!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry doughnuts.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** don’t you have any f****** doughnuts?”

Me: *in a sugary-sweet voice, with a cheek-aching, full toothed grin* “Because, we’re a F****** BAGEL SHOP, SIR. Also, we’re closed now. Have a lovely evening.”

(My manager proceeded to laugh hysterically, as she followed him to the door, locking it behind him.)

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Mother Is Due For A Conversation

| Dhaka, Bangladesh | Right | November 24, 2015

(My mom just hung up on a call center employee about her phone bill.)

Me: “Mom, what’s wrong?”

Mom: “The d*** people at [Phone Service call center] won’t reduce my phone bill!”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Mom: “Look!”

(She hands me the bill, which says that her current bill is BDT 4200, with this month’s charges being 500, and dues being a bit over BDT 3500.)

Mom: “I don’t even talk that much on my phone! All I do is get an Internet package every month and make a few calls! It shouldn’t be this high!”

Me: “Mom, you do see that it says here that you didn’t pay the last few bills fully, so you have dues of over BDT 3500, that is added to your existing bill.”

Mom: “But I didn’t talk that much! It shouldn’t be BDT 4000!”

Me: “Mom, that’s the DUES. Not this month’s bill. This month’s bill is BDT 500.”

Mom: “But I didn’t talk that much!”

Me: “Mom, you didn’t pay fully—”

Mom: “I DIDN’T TALK THAT MUCH!”

Me: “So, even though you didn’t pay your bill fully and have dues, you still think your bill should be less? The dues you racked up should just be forgotten?”

Mom: “YES! Is that so hard to understand?”

Not Always Right: The Comic – Political Correctness Takes A Holiday

NY, USA | Right | November 24, 2015

See the original story here!

Marketable Skills

| Right | November 23, 2015

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Don’t Ask Where The Chicken Came From

| SC, USA | Right | November 23, 2015

(I work at a new Chinese restaurant in a small town; a customer is looking over a menu.)

Customer: “What’s human chicken?”

(Cue laughter:)

Customer: “Oh! Hunan chicken! I mean Hunan chicken!”

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